The Mom Crowd

Last weekend I saw Iron Man with a friend. (It was awesome!!) After the credits rolled, I saw a dad leave the theater with his son, who couldn’t have been older than 6. My friend and I looked at one another and agreed, “Yeah, not exactly kids’ stuff, what we just saw.” It was loud, exciting fun, that’s for sure, full of adventure and humor. But it included some (PG-13 level) scenes of torture, violence, sex, and drinking, all things I’d prefer my child to not witness at such a young age. Just because it’s a comic book movie doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for a child.

We’ve all been there before, seeing children in the audience for movies that are just too mature for them. I remember seeing Mean Girls (PG-13) a few years ago, and while I found it entertaining, I was more disturbed to see the 7 and 8-year olds next to me watching with wide-eyed wonderment. With their moms. Really? The whole movie was a primer on how to manipulate your friends. Of course, older people can pick up on the sarcasm, the satire, the dark comedy, the lessons learned. Little girls, I fear, just study the clothes, the catchphrases, and the attitudes. Not to mention every little thing Lindsay Lohan does. I tried to assure myself that those moms would talk to their girls afterwards about the good and the bad in the movie. But what’s the likelihood of that happening?

I saw the first Narnia movie (PG) with a child no older than 5 sitting behind me. Naturally, she cried throughout several portions of the film. It’s seen as a family film, but frankly, there’s just a lot of visually scary stuff for a young child to take in. I read that Prince Caspian, opening today, is a little darker than the first and heavier on battle scenes, yet it’s also rated PG, so doubtless there will be many families in the theaters this weekend eager to see what happens next in the saga. It’s an excellent franchise, for sure, but for kids how old?

I think the biggest shock I ever had was watching a mom buy a ticket for The 40-Year Old Virgin (R) for herself and her middle-school aged son. Maybe that’s some kind of progressive parenting technique I haven’t heard of yet, but you can bet your Schrute Bucks that I won’t be doing that kind of thing with my kids.

How young is too young? The first movie I remember seeing in the theater as a child was Bambi. I was probably 7ish. I also remember seeing the first part of The Neverending Story and being scared, so my mom, sister, & I left early. I was 8. These kids’ movies both contained material that was plenty mature for my young years. My folks would allow me to see something rated PG-13 only under the most limited of circumstances, and even in high school, still had a say in what movies I saw. (I remember explaining very thoroughly what In the Name of the Father [R] was about to my dad one Friday night, because I desperately wanted to see that with my friends. I was a senior. He eventually said it’d be okay. And it was a turning point for me; from then on, I was trusted to use my own judgment in choosing movies.)

My daughter is still a couple of years away from her first movie, I think. When we feel she is ready, we’ll probably see something very G, something very sweet. As my kids grow up, I know I’ll be very protective of what they take in, and I’ll make no apologies for it. There is a lot of garbage out there, stuff that is way too mature for kids, marketed directly to them. When I taught sixth graders, I couldn’t believe the movie titles I heard them discussing on a weekly basis: every disgusting horror pic ever made, basically, along with all kinds of teen flicks pandering to kids their age. I wish more parents would think carefully about what they allow their kids to see. People comment a lot about how much young kids know in this day & age, and the movies they watch play a huge part in that.

What is your criteria for taking your kids to movies? Do you read about movie content before taking them? If so, what sites do you use to get the information? Do you base your decisions on the ratings? Is it okay for parents to take their children to PG-13 (or even R) movies as long as they are there with them? Tell me I’m not the only one concerned about this issue. (And for goodness’ sakes, we haven’t even touched the inappropriateness of t.v. yet. I thought I’d limit the soapbox for film first.)

p.s. I’m well aware that lots of kids buy tickets for one thing and see something entirely different – so I know there’s only so much a parent can do, too. This concern is mainly addressed at the folks who take their kids to see mature material with them.

Okay, so maybe it isn’t the ultimate top 5. It is really hard to choose 5 because there are so many things to be prepared for when it comes to labor and birth! These are good ones though–so if you are pregnant for the first time, third time or know someone who is pregnant looking for some labor advice this may help.

My philosophy is that you should educate yourself about labor and birth in the same way you would when you buy a car or choose a college. Take an independent childbirth class other than what is offered at the hospital: The Bradley Method, HypnoBirthing, BabyBodyBirth, Birthing From Within, ICEA are all good choices. Try not to wait until the last minute to take a class since some classes are as much as 12 weeks long.

Here are the tips:

1. Have a person committed to being your labor support. Most often it is the husband but some women find comfort in having their mothers, a friend, or hiring a doula to be their labor companion. Also–and this one is really important; tell your labor support to pay attention to YOU–not the electric fetal monitor. You don’t need them to tell you when you are having a contraction or how intense it was– you know because you can feel it. What you need most is for someone to help you relax through the contractions. It is really hard for some people to NOT watch the machines in the room–kind of like when a tv is on in a room–it is hard not to watch it– but when a mom is in labor she needs the attention more than the machine.

2. Don’t go to the hospital too soon. This is probably one of the biggest mistakes that parents make. When it is your first time to have a baby it is exciting and you don’t know what to expect so it is easy to head to the hospital too early. The big problem at arriving too soon is that you begin being held to the hospital’s time table and unfortunately many birth attendants will begin to offer to help “speed things along” by offering pitocin when it really isn’t needed. Meddling with a labor that is doing fine often leads to many other interventions and problems. Heading to the hospital when contractions are a minute long and 5 minutes apart for at least one hour is a good rule of thumb. If you can still walk, talk, and laugh during contractions it is too early to go to the hospital. Because labor patterns vary it is probably better to look at the physical signposts of a mom to help determine when to head out to the hospital. When mom can’t talk during a contraction and starts to need to relax and be quiet between contractions that is usually a good sign to go on to the birth place.

3. If you are shooting for an unmedicated birth practice relaxation techniques for several weeks before the birth. Relaxation techniques can even be helpful for moms who want an epidural. Most doctors allow epidurals when women get to 3 or 4 cm and having some relaxation techniques in your “tool box” of laboring knowledge can help a mom cope with the pain of the contractions. Some things I teach in my class are massage, progressive relaxation, and visual relaxation. Some moms enjoy being read poems, literature, scripture, or listening to some relaxing music while laboring to cope with contractions.

4. When working with contractions make low pitched groaning sounds (like a cow moo) rather than high pitched squeals. Some moms find a lot of relief vocalizing through contractions and the low pitched groans are relaxing. You can practice now if you want. Try making a high pitched squeal and you will find that your shoulders or other parts of your body tense up. Tensing up during a contraction actually causes more pain. The low moans help you release your muscles which makes the contraction less painful.

5. Relax your jaw. Ina May Gaskin, a well-known midwife in Tennesee says that women with a relaxed jaw and mouth have a relaxed bottom and that it helps the cervix open faster. It is easy to grit your teeth when in pain but focusing on keeping that jaw relaxed can speed labor along. Taking a bath, staying upright during labor, getting massaged from your labor supporters can all help the jaw stay relaxed.

I find myself mentioning most of these when asked for advice on labor. I hope you or a friend might find them helpful too.

Some good sources are:

Mind Over Labor by Carl Jones (This book is an amazing resource for relaxation techniques)

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin

The Birth Book by Dr. Sears

This is a great resource for your labor support person. It has some great tips on how to help a laboring mom.

What did you find helpful during your labors?

Heather B. Armstrong from dooce.com was featured on Nightline on Monday night and the Today Show last week. The Dateline interviewer called her “The Queen of Mommy Bloggers.” She has inspired many moms to share their stories online. Of course I can’t make the mundane as interesting as she does, nor would I want her style of writing. (Okay maybe some of it, minus the cussing.)

The Nightline segment highlighted mom bloggers in a positive light and gave Heather time to explain herself. Unlike the Today Show segment where Kathie Lee made some quips about “mixed emotions” and then transitioned into the next segment on housewares. I was seriously disappointed in the missed opportunity to showcase the wonderful world of blogging on the Today Show. Someone should have told Kathie Lee what a blog was before the interview.

You must check out the Nightline segment here.

Here is the Today Show segment in case you missed it:

In case you aren’t already one of her one million fans and haven’t seen it yet, she wrote about her experience on the Today Show today.

While we are on the subject of Dooce. If are even remotely jealous of Heather’s success (and 40K a month revenue) check out A Mommy Story’s post titled, “How to Become a Popular Mommyblogger.” Here is my favorite part of her post. It is completely true!

The truth is, if you’re blogging to become popular/famous, you might want to reconsider your goals. After all, being a famous mommyblogger amounts to nearly nothing outside of our little electronic boxes and internet tubes. Go ask your hairstylist who Dooce is – chances are, she doesn’t know. Ask your parents, your neighbor, the mailman. They probably don’t know, either.

Maybe, just maybe, our family and friends and neighbors will start knowing what a blog is if the media keeps covering Heather and all the other amazing mom bloggers writing about poop and boogers.

Did you watch the Today Show and Dateline segments? What did you think?

I am still annoyed that Hoda Kotb said “Mommy Bloggers” in a funny voice and used air quotes in the introduction. Really?

My daughter, Darah was tube fed for the first two years of her life. Most people had absolutely no idea what her feeding tube was and I got a lot of stares or quick “look aways” and a lot of questions about what those tubes were for. Darah was born with a very serious heart defect. This heart defect made her incredibly tired. In addition to her heart defect, she also has low muscle tone, because she had Down syndrome. The combination of low muscle tone and her exhaustion from her heart defect made her suck/swallow/breathe coordination impossible. From day one, we had to sustain her life by using a feeding tube.

The first feeding tube we used was an Oral Gastric (OG) tube and after about a month, Darah graduated to a Naso Gastric (NG) tube. The OG tube is a feeding tube that is inserted in the mouth, down the esophagus, into the stomach. The NG tube is inserted through the nostril, down the esophagus, and into the stomach. With a syringe (or pump), we were able to pour my breastmilk or formula into Darah’s stomach. Darah’s open heart surgery was not until she was three months old, so she received all of her nourishment through her feeding tube. The NG Tube made her very sensitive to anything coming near her face or mouth. This oral aversion led to a surgically placed feeding tube when she was five months old. This G-tube allowed us to give Darah her necessary calories and fluids and attempt to work on feeding. She started off with a Peg Tube, which is a feeding tube in the tummy that has a permanent extension tube attached to it. After that healed, 6 weeks later, we switched that out for a Mic-key button. The best way to describe this is it’s just like a beach ball plug. It snaps shut when you’re not using it, and when you’re ready to access it you can unplug it and attach a tube extension to it.

Fast forward to Darah at 16 months old. She had made very minimal progress with oral feedings and we decided to attend a six-week inpatient, intensive feeding program in Dallas, Texas. This program (Our Children’s House at Baylor) was the best thing we ever did. When we completed our 6 week stay, Darah was taking all of her caloric needs orally. She still struggled with drinking, however she was taking all of her fluids orally by her second birthday. Her feeding tube was removed a few days before her second birthday! She now loves to eat and drink! (I never thought I’d be able to say that!)

If you are dealing with a feeding tube, or severe feeding issues, I strongly encourage you to do a few things:

• Find support from other moms who have been there/done that! I found this great yahoo group that was always there for my questions and concerns.
• Don’t go it alone! Ask close friends or family to learn how to feed your child. By training a few people, you can get those much needed breaks from the whole feeding process. Most people will be happy to learn and to help.
• Ask questions! If you aren’t comfortable with your doctor’s advice, get a second opinion. G-tube surgeries are done a lot, however it is still major surgery. So, ask questions! Remember that this is YOUR baby! It’s so easy to forget that when you have a child with multiple health issues.
• Get lots of “extras!” Every time you’re in the hospital or doctor’s office, make sure you pick up a spare g-tube, extensions, and syringes!
• Find an EXCELLENT Speech Pathologist and Occupational Therapist. Don’t be afraid to “shop around.” Find a therapist who is a researcher and not afraid to think outside the box.
• Don’t be easily offended. A lot of people stared at Darah’s tube because they just didn’t know what it was. If anyone asked me about it, I happily educated them on it. People don’t mean to offend when they stare (or quickly look away), they just don’t know what it is and don’t know how to respond.

I love answering questions about feeding tubes and would love for anyone to take the opportunity to share their tube-feeding story, experience, or question!

Here’s some more resources for you:

Tummy Tunnels

New Visions-Children with Feeding Tubes

Kids with Tubes

Little Bites Support Group

In honor of Mother’s Day, The Polkadot Platypus is giving away this super cute Cappucino Dot Changing Kit by The Bumble Collection just for simply leaving a comment on their blog. The Polkadot Platypus was recently featured on The Today Show for being a company who gives back. A portion of all of their proceeds are donated to organizations that benefit Down syndrome awareness, research and education. The contest ends May 16th, 2008, so hurry over and let them know you stopped by so you can hopefully win this super great changing pad! You can view the contest and their feature from The Today Show by clicking here. You can also browse some of their other incredibly great products and know that any purchase you make is benefiting people with Down syndrome!