The Mom Crowd

The holidays are a time of excitement and family.  Growing up, we are shuffled to this relatives house or that one’s house to see family and eat wonderful meals prepared with love.  As we mature and start our own families, it’s only natural that we would want to start our own traditions.  This year, my family opted to have a small Thanksgiving at home with just us and my Mom.  Now, we can’t say that this will be our annual tradition, but it’s nice to break from the mold once in a while and do something a little different. 

There are certain things to think about before trecking out on your own with holiday traditions:

How will everyone else take it?  It’s always important to consider how other family feels about you ducking out of the normal traditions and starting your own, especially if that means not participating in the usual festivities. 

What kinds of things do you want to do?  When merging two families (yours and your husbands) there will obviously be two or more ideas of how to do things.  Sit down and discuss how you both would like your family to celebrate the holidays, what traditions are especially important to both of you and what things you don’t want to do. 

How can you get things started?  When starting new traditions, it’s not important that you do everything the first holiday.  Don’t feel obliged to get it perfect from the get-go.  Remember that your family has most likely been doing the same thing for years and that they started out slowly too. 

I think it’s a great idea to start your own traditions and have fun doing it.  Let your kids help out with decorations and cooking/baking.  Let them be a part of incorporating the new ideas and activities so that they feel they connected to the holidays and are not just spectators. 

Have you ventured out on your own and started your own holiday traditions?  What was the most difficult part for you?  How did you get started?

Photo Courtesy of Evan S. Photography

Have you ever dealt with a child who wets the bed?  We are dealing with the issue of bedwetting right now, and I gotta tell you it is stressful.  Our oldest child has trouble staying dry all night.  We had him in pull ups at night until this summer when we decided to give it a go and take off the pull ups.  We would take him pee at night right before we went to bed and he would stay dry the rest of the night.  He was waking up very early because he had to wake up and pee and then couldn’t go back to sleep–but we thought it was great that he was waking up to go.

Then we moved to England.  Once we arrived in Enlgand everything started off fine.  Until school started.  Our oldest is in public school and the adjustment of going to school for 6 hours a day and being very tired by the end of the day made bedwetting a bigger issue.  He was wetting the bed two times a night most nights.  We armed oursevled with washable  puddle pads that we put over his flat sheet so that if he did have an accident we could take that off and replace it with a fresh one.  That way we weren’t having to change sheets in the middle of the night.

Here is his nightly routine:

• Books before bed.
• Last pee of the night
• Lights out and songs.
• Sleep.
• We take him pee before we go to bed sometime between 10 and 12.  We usually try to aim for 10:30 because the chances of him having an accident after 10:30 increase by the minute.
• If we are too late then we change jammies, change the puddle pad and have him empty his bladder.  Occasionally, depending on how he is sleeping the accident may get on his comforter, sheets, or blankie.  Throw those into the kitchen where the washer is so they can be washed the next morning.
• Sometime between 2am and 4:30, whichever parent wakes up first, will take him pee again.  Occasionally we are too late and we have to repeat the above step.
• Rejoice in the morning if he stayed dry all night (and I have no more laundry to do).

Now, this may not be the BEST way to handle bedwetting at night but it works for us for now.  I don’t enjoy having interrupted sleep in the middle of the night and dealing with taking him to the toilet but I dislike even more dealing with wet jammies and extra loads of laundry.

A few weeks ago I was getting concerned that maybe there was something else going on with him–a medical problem.  I started doing some research (talking to other parents and reading on the web) about bedwetting in school age children.

Here is what I learned:

• It is common for boys especially to struggle with bedwetting.
• Some children don’t produce the hormone that supresses the body from making urine at night until they are older.  In some cases, not until puberty.
• It isn’t their fault.  They aren’t doing it on purpose.  They can’t help it.  They aren’t lazy.
• Using things like sticker charts won’t really be helpful because bedwetting is not something that children can control.  It isn’t the same thing as using a sticker chart for thumb sucking or doing chores.
• Use empathy and love when your children have an accident.  Use all your might to not show any anger toward your child if they have an accident.
• Stress makes bedwetting worse.  (In our case starting school was making it worse for our child.  Showing anger and frustration about bedwetting can also make it worse.)
• If you suspect a medical problem, take the child in for a check up and talk to the pediatrician.
• Some websites said that taking them to the toilet at night doesn’t really teach the child anything–it more trains the parent than anything else.
• If your child is old enough for sleepovers you can ask your doctor about a prescription the child can take to not wet the bed.  Or teach your child how to discreetly use pull ups to avoid being embarrassed about needing them at night.
• Encourage your child when he has an accident and tell him he will grow out of it.  (It doesn’t bother our child that he has accidents at night.  He isn’t embarrassed about it for the time being but I suspect that he will get there if this issue doesn’t resolve itself in the next year.)
• Take heart, you aren’t the only parent out there dealing with extra laundry due to bedwetting!

How have you dealt with bedwetting?  What has worked for you?

When I told my husband that I was planning to write about this topic this week, he thought I was being a little premature with the subject matter… money saving for Christmas.  So many people shop early and are done, but then there are those of us who wait until the week before to buy our presents.  Personally, I loved how I did it last year and thought I’d pass along some of my money saving and making ideas to you.

Have a garage sale in November – Ok, so I know that not everyone lives in Houston like I do, where it’s usually balmy and comfortable in November, but still… it’s so worth it!  A few of my friends and I had a large sale last year and I made over $200 that I dedicated to Christmas gifts.  It was a great idea because we didn’t have to spend any of our money out of our checking account (or savings) for gifts.  It also cleared up a lot of room for new toys and clothes for the kids.

Shop the sales now and keep your receipts -  Last year I bought a musical play table at Target for $45 and a few weeks later it went on sale at Toys R Us.  I got their Big Book and found an extra $5 off coupon, so I got the table for $15 cheaper.  I returned the one I bought at Target and ended up spending less money than I had originally thought.  Don’t be afraid to return something if you find it cheaper at another store after your original purchase.

Take advantage of coupons – Some stores are having fantastic sales and even have some pretty amazing coupons for toys in the month of November.  Target recently published an online site with over 50 toy coupons.  Other coupon sites also have toy coupons that are good through the end of this month.  In this economy, no one is going to think less of you for being frugal!

Shop resale stores and garage sales - Resale stores and places like Half Price Books are great for those items that don’t necessarily need a box. You can always find some great children’s books at garage sales, too.  (Be sure to disinfect the books if you buy them used). 

Sign up for online giveaways – You never know how lucky you can be!  Why not take 1 minute to sign up for a Wii giveaway or for a free laptop?  It would be a great gift if you win!  Sites like Freebies4Mom offer giveaways and links to other giveaways daily. 

The best thing to remember is to have fun with it.  Find a way to save that is fun for you.  If you are a catalog shopper, flip the pages and compare.  If you prefer to shop online, make sure you know the store’s return policy before you buy if you think you might return your purchases.  And don’t forget, your kids will enjoy the holidays no matter how much you spend on them as long as you are there!  They don’t need to know you paid less for their new game than their friend’s mom did!   Happy Shopping!

What are your money saving rituals?  Do you have any special plans this year for keeping Christmas spending under control? 

Photo courtesy of bowbrick

Christy’s post last week got me thinking about our family dynamic.  My husband works close to home (and even from home, occasionally), but he also does a LOT of traveling for his PhD studies.  He’ll be gone for anywhere from ten days to twelve weeks at a time.  The traveling can be difficult for him, with frequent travels through international airports (and their security), sleeping on couches at friends’ houses, and eating out every day (which he hates doing).  I’ve also witnessed how it has affected our children.

It’s hard on us when our husbands have to leave on business (or TDY), but it can even be harder on the kids.  When kids are young, they have little or no concept of time.  Saying “daddy will be home in ten days” or something along those lines just doesn’t register with them.  The first time my husband left us to do some PhD work at his university (in another country), he was gone for over two months.  Ten weeks?  Seventy days?  How was I supposed to explain this?  My four year old could only count to twenty!  Fortunately, I have a dear friend who was stationed overseas a couple of years ago, and during that time, her husband was deployed three times.  Her kids were also very young at the time, and she gave me some very helpful advice to get me and the kids through those very difficult weeks away.

Make a “daddy” book: Create a mini photo album filled with pictures of dad playing and interacting with the kids.  Let the kids carry them around, or prop it up next to their bed at night, so daddy’s right there with them. Some parents have put pictures of their spouses on the kids’ pillowcases (which you can order from Snapfish).

“Count” down the days until dad gets home: Whenever my husband leaves, whether it be for a few days or weeks, we create a Jellybean Countdown Container.  As you can probably guess, we take an old jar and fill it with jellybeans, and the number of treats corresponds with the number of days that my husband is gone.  The kids get one jellybean out of the jar every day, and that way, they know that daddy’s coming home when the jar is empty!

Let the kids use things that smell like dad: I would let my son use dad’s cologne if he wanted to smell like daddy.  Just dab a little on his wrist or spray his shirt, and he was good to go.  I, too, would occasionally use his cologne, spray one of his flannel shirts, and sleep in it at night.

Give them “kisses” from daddy: As an extra comfort measure, I would fill a jar with Hershey’s Kisses and place it on top of the counter.  Any time the kids got hurt or really sad, they would get a “kiss” from dad.

Skype before bed: If your husband’s involved with the kids’ bedtime routines, arrange for him to call around bedtime.  He can tell the kids a story (or, in our case, my son can tell HIM a story), sing them a song, etc.  If your husband is in a place where he can’t do this, have him record a few videos reading the kids’ favorite books.  Then, play the videos at night so daddy can read them a story before bed.

Does your husband travel a lot for work?  How do you handle this time in your house?

Related posts:

Trina’s post about being a (temporary) single mom

About three months ago, the negative effects of the recession hit our home when my husband got laid-off.  After the initial shock and fears of wondering how we were going to survive, we settled into a new reality.  I was terribly worried that my husband and I were going to drive each other crazy being around each other 24/7 with no breaks.  Surprisingly, this time has strengthened our relationship and our individual faiths. 

I thought I would share a few of the things we have done to stay sane:

Take turns sleeping in!  While I have taken my share (plus a few extra) of mornings sleeping in, I also try to let him get some days “off” from the early morning (and I mean VERY early) kid duties.

Get out of the house at least every other day!  Staying at home gets boring and boredom brings on depression and aggitation.  Getting out of the house frequently helps stave off some of the crankies.  We have made many trips to Target, Toys R Us, and other local stores just to browse to get everyone out of the house.

Play games together!   While it’s next to impossible to play actual board games with kids in the house, we have taken to playing online Scrabble and other games against each other.  The advantages of these online games are that you can take your time playing, come back to it and play when you want/can, and you don’t have to worry about game pieces being shoved into little noses!

Wives, don’t nag!  At first I didn’t realize that to my husband, my asking questions about his job search as often as I did was nagging.  It’s ok to inquire about phone calls or progress, just not on a daily basis.  And by all means, DO NOT look for a job for him unless he asks you to or has given you “permission”.  Many guys feel emasuclated when their wives do their “work” for them. 

Pray together!  We  pray together over potential jobs, our finances and our children.  Like Dawn has been saying in the past two Abiding Mondays posts, prayer calms anxiety.  When I get anxious, it helps me to pray with my husband.  I find comfort in knowing he is standing with me during the troubling times.

And lastly, just remember that it won’t last forever.  The right job will come along.  Your life will get back to the normal you have always known!

Have you or someone you know closely gone through this type of situation?  What did you do to stay sane?  What tips do you have for families in this transitional time?

Photo Courtesy of Moomettesgram