It seems like we go in seasons of which of our two children is better behaved and easier to deal with. It is now the season of the two year old! We are watching as our two year old, Connor tries to exert more and more independence. While he is ultra snugly and enjoyable 20-22 hours each day, there are blocks of each day that are exhausting, wearing, and just plain ole’ not fun. The hardest block of time each day is when he first wakes up. He wakes up crying and calling for me, so, I walk into my bundle of sunshine’s room with a “good morning, sweetie” and a smile on my face, only to be greeted affectionately with a “No, Mommy. I want Daddy.” As the parent of a 4 year old who has speech delays, I can’t help but note to myself that my smarty pants son just said a five word utterance, complete with negation, a pronoun, two proper nouns, and was also spontaneous, unsolicited and meaningful. I am snapped out of my daydream by a door shutting in my face. I typically leave him in his room and let him know that he can come downstairs to have his breakfast and his sopping wet diaper changed when he’s ready.
While preparing breakfast for my four year old daughter, my son will make his presence known by standing at the end of the hallway leading into our kitchen/dining area and scowls at us waiting to see who is going to tick him off first. I know better than to make eye contact with him, because I know that once eye contact is made I will turn to stone, he will throw a temper tantrum from high heaven. However, after a few moments of avoiding eye contact and avoiding acknowledgment of his presence, I will inevitably breathe wrong or give his sister the bowl he wanted with his cereal or Darah will sneeze and our peaceful morning has once again been interrupted. I typically ignore the tantrum once it ensues and try to reward him only when he is asking nicely for his cereal and milk, which eventually will happen some days. However, when it doesn’t happen in a timely manner, I usually take him back up to his room and state that that he can join his sister and I when he’s ready to calm down. By this time, my happy four year old is in a bad mood because she’s listened to her baby brother’s tantrum. After about thirty-forty five minutes of two year old mood-swings, all is well and I have a happy two year old until nap time approaches. Then, the cycle repeats itself. Although, the nap time mood-swings are quicker and less painful because the root of these tantrums is tiredness, so he goes to bed without much fight. Some days, he wakes up happy from his nap and we have a nice afternoon and other days, he wakes up from his nap like he wakes up each morning: ready to fight!
I struggle with knowing how to respond to his tantrums. I am afraid of rewarding the behavior with attention, even if it’s negative attention. I also don’t expect him to be happy all the time and am somewhat ok with him being mad or frustrated with me or whatever is making him upset. It is very important to me that my children feel safe with being upset or mad, however what they do in that anger is what is punishable I have justified his behavior to myself that his behavior is normal due to the communication frustration he and every other 2 year old encounters. However, this behavior is becoming more and more frequent and I want to nip it in the bud and re-establish my role as parent. I have watched myself begin to avoid discipline with my son and avoid situations that are sure to set him off. Most offenses requiring discipline are black-and-white for me and are easy for me to correct and train him. For example, when I remind him not to throw his food and he disobeys, I am not hesitant to follow through with the consequence he was warned about {yes, I’m ending my sentence with a preposition.} It’s the unexplainable tantrums for no reason that are a little more abstract for me. I think it’s because I don’t know what exactly I’m punishing. I just want to help him get through these emotions with better, more tolerable, coping skills and end these tantrums.
Do your kids wake up mean and grouchy? How did you handle the two year old tantrums? Do you feel like you are walking on egg shells around your toddler, afraid of what is going to set them off next?