The Mom Crowd

Sharon M is a full-time mom with two children, ages 4 and 18 months.  She and her family live in the Middle East, where her husband is a teacher.

Packing Boxes.  Shuffling through papers and toys, trying to decide what should stay and what should go.  Finding new friends, new work, new EVERYTHING.  Where do I shop?  Where should my kids go to school?

Most of us have experienced the stress of moving to a new place.  Now, imagine that you’re not only going away from the place you call home, but you’re also diving headfirst into an entirely new country, usually complete with a new language and new culture for you to experience.  Sound insane?  Scary?  Exciting?  Welcome to the life of an ex-pat.

We’re all living abroad for different reasons.  Some of us work for religious or non-profit organizations, a few of us have husbands who work for international companies, and many are working for the US government and are stationed overseas.  I’d like to talk a little bit about my corner of the world, the Middle East.  And what it’s like to raise what we call “third culture kids.”

These kids (TCKs for the rest of this article) have grown up a significant portion of their lives overseas outside their parents’ culture; they build relationships within all of the cultures they come in contact with, while never really having full ownership of any.  Translation: Someone asks you, “Where are you from?” and you answer, “Uhhhh… (thoughtful silence)… America?” They tend to connect best with other kids that have had a similar childhood, and they are generally more mature than American kids their age.  Mave, a mom of five (with #6 on the way), lived overseas for nine years with her family before returning to the States.  She said:

Four of my children are settling into school in the US now.  Three of the four have been naturally drawn to the “internationals” in their classes.  My eldest son enjoys his friend from India.  My second daughter enjoys a Korean- American and my youngest son plays with a boy from the Netherlands.  I don’t know if this would be the case if we had not lived overseas.

Initially, language acquisition is the biggest concern for us as parents, because there is no way that these kids will ever feel connected to the locals if there isn’t some proficiency in the local language.  One of my friends (a mom with three children ranging from 11 to 4) expressed frustration with a local private school – she had to “fight the schools to accept [her] children and school them as though they are nationals” when she first moved here.  The kids have tutors every day, but she is so proud of them because they have learned the language.  Her eldest sounds just like a local kid!  Another friend of mine has a six year-old son who is rather shy and understands Arabic, but rarely speaks; he gets embarrassed when he doesn’t know what to say, and in a culture where boys are encouraged to be bold and aggressive, it can be a struggle for him.

As Americans living in the Middle East, our children stick out; the light-colored eyes, fair hair and fair skin practically scream “I AM NOT FROM AROUND HERE!”  When the kids are young, it’s actually a wonderful way to meet people.  I remember meeting one of my neighbors through my son.  He saw her children playing on the patio, walked in the gate, said “Marhaba!” (hello) and joined them!  And since people in general here are very hospitable and love children dearly, it wasn’t at all odd or rude.  However, as the children get older, it is more and more obvious that they don’t look like everyone else, and it can be uncomfortable for the kids.  Every mom I spoke with said that it is so important to have a strong family life, not too burdened with extra-curricular activities, and to connect with other moms who are living like you are (I call it “the sympathy circle”).   This is important whether you live abroad or not, but as a mom who has lived in the US and overseas, I can tell you, it’s a necessity for my sanity!

We all love to see our kids eat “weird” things and like them.  And when you’re outside your home country, it’s guaranteed that your kids are going to have to try the local food at one point or another.  My fellow blogger Um Tulip said this about her son:

He likes foods that American boys wouldn’t touch.  I remember taking him to a Middle Eastern restaurant with friends when we were back in America and he gobbled up the grape leaves.  Our friends were astounded but it’s one of his favorite foods.

And remember, these TCKs are also growing up in the USA.  They tend to be the children of immigrants or diplomats; they are Hispanic, Indian, Middle Eastern, African.  While they might grow up to look and even to sound American, they have parents with a different set of cultural values, and who (often times) have built a little “home away from home” with other people from the same ethnic background.   Many of them are grateful when, say, a co-worker invites them over for dinner or a mother they meet at the park arranges a play date.   Being among strangers in a new country can be intimidating, and a simple gesture by you can make a world of difference in their lives.

For more information on this topic, I highly recommend Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing up Among Worlds by David Pollock.

Have you experienced the life of an ex-pat, either as a child or an adult?  Have you been able to reach out to the ex-pats in your community, make them feel more at home where they live?  If you’ve lived overseas, what sort of advice or encouragement would you give to other moms in a new cultural and linguistic environment?

One of every mother’s worst fears is watching their child choke or stop breathing.  That is definitely on my top three list of worries.  This evening, as I was cutting up grapes for my son, I was thinking about the choking threat grapes pose and how unprepared for a choking situation I feel.  I’ve been CPR and First Aid certified a few times in my life, but the most recent class I’ve attended was four and a half years and three children ago.  I certainly could use a refresher course on what to do in a choking situation and am probably not the only mom out there who is not CPR confident.  One thing I do feel confident about is that the best way to stop a child from choking is to prevent it from ever happening.  The American Pediatrics Association has a whole list of the top food and nonfood choking hazards and ways to prevent your child from choking that I think every parent needs to read.

That being said, not all emergencies are preventable. However simple training in CPR and First Aid can be the difference between a scary event and a tragedy and the training is not difficult to obtain.  Most cities or hospitals offer free classes parents and babysitters can take. I found some online instructional videos on what to do if your infant or toddler is choking.  Hopefully, these videos will inspire you to seek out a children’s CPR and First Aid class near you so that you can be prepared in case of an emergency.

Infant Choking Part One (click on the links to parts 2 and 3 below)

• Infant Choking Part Two
• Infant Choking Part Three

Toddler Choking Part One (click on the link to part 2 below)

• Toddler Choking Part Two

Have you gone through children’s CPR/First Aid training as a mother or mother-to-be?  Do you feel confident that you could perform CPR on your child or handle a choking situation with your child if necessary?

Kristi is the mom of three wonderful children and a personal trainer to strong, beautiful women and one reluctant husband.   

The preschool age is one of my favorite stages.  Children 3 ½   – 5 ½  are eager to learn, have a blast while learning, don’t think they know more than you (unlike my 7 year old), and say some of the funniest things while learning and playing.  Children this age love to be entertained and kept busy.  I searched for some simple ways to keep my 4 ½  year old entertained after my son was born.  I also used these ideas during my pregnancy when I was feeling like a beached whale and not like a mom with enough energy to chase my 4 year old around the park.

Water Fun 

Rain boots proved to be one of the best gifts my daughter received for her 5th birthday.  It wasn’t my idea - she actually requested them herself.  When we get rain, she can’t wait to put on her pink cat rain boots and go splash in the puddles.  If it doesn’t rain often in your area, another idea would be to make your own rain with a hose.

One of my daughter’s favorite activities is playing with toys in the bathroom sink.  This requires more supervision than I previously expected – I found that out the hard way after daddy had been watching the kids.  I came home to find Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, and the rest of the DP Barbie gang with Windex (“hairspray”) in their hair.

Art

I have never met a child who didn’t enjoy art projects.  The main issue I have is my daughter raiding the arts and crafts cabinet and leaving everything in a complete disaster. She comes up with some interesting creations, like pom-poms glued to craft foam with red glitter glue.  If the mess doesn’t irritate you, allowing your child to do their crafts from their own craft box can be a fun idea.

A great craft to do together is finger painting. It’s super messy, but if the weather is nice you can always take the paint outdoors.

If your child is old enough, buy a white board and dry erase markers.  My kids love to sit and doodle on their white board.  It can also be a helpful tool in teaching them numbers, letters, writing, and reading.

Technology

Computer games, music on an iPod or CD, TV shows and DVDs designed for pre-k ages are all fun in moderation.  I find that these are the most addicting forms of entertainment.  When my kids are grounded from their favorite TV shows or games, they get really cranky.  Growing up, all we had was “Sesame Street”.  Our kids are fortunate to have a wide variety of technology to help them learn.

Imagination

Has your child ever told you, “Not right now, Mom, I’m using my imagination”?  I thought it was hilarious the first time my son told me that.  Encourage your little one to use their imagination often.  Providing an array of dress up clothes is one of the easiest ways to spark their imagination and keep them busy.  You will both have a good laugh in the process!

Playing outside is a great outlet for children.  Sidewalk chalk, kid-sized garden tools, sandboxes, ride-on toys and balls comprise our outdoor collection.  I often hear jaguars, monkeys, and aliens playing in our back yard.
  
What are some of the things you do to keep your preschooler entertained?  What captivates their attention?

Jennifer is wife to a sweet, Midwestern man and mom to 3 boys and one girl (ages 7, 5, 4, and 4 months).  When she’s not folding yet another load of laundry, she’s driving a minivan, fixing meals her kids won’t eat, snuggling with the baby, and wishing for a few glorious moments in her craft room.  You can read more about her life on her blog Beauty Instead of Ashes.

Webster defines simplicity as “the state of being simple, uncomplicated.”  As I read this definition I immediately think, “Can a mom of young children ever get to this state?”   With little kids running around, life often times seem the exact opposite: complicated.  Although achieving simplicity in my home often seems as unlikely as me climbing Mt. Everest, it is still something that I strive for.  I have been a mother for a little over seven years now, and in the last couple of years I have really begun to understand that “less is more.”  I have searched for ways to simplify my home, and I have come across some really great ideas that I have tweaked to fit my family’s needs.   These are very practical, low or no-cost ideas that I hope you might find useful as well:

1. Simplifying school paperwork.
This year, three of my four kids are in school.  My oldest is in first grade, and my second and third are in preschool.  At the beginning of the year I was literally drowning in school paperwork.  It would all end up in a pile on the counter, and eventually I would go through it.  It was a mess that I hated to see on my countertop and I knew I needed to find a better system.  Clipboards have saved my life from being overtaken by paper!

I saw these on another blog and immediately knew they were what I was looking for.  All I did was buy one clipboard per child (about two bucks each).  I painted them, added a couple coats of Mod Podge, attached some ribbon and hung them on my refrigerator with 3mm hooks.  Now when school papers come home, I immediately toss what I don’t need and hang up what I do on the clipboard.  I also use them to display the kids’ artwork.  I originally saw them hanging above a desk area, but the refrigerator made more sense for me.  I used paint, but you could also Mod Podge scrapbook paper.  These clipboards can be used for any household paperwork.  It is a truly simple idea that has been a tremendous help!

2. Simplifying the bedmaking routine.
Miss Manners may not approve of this one, but I am a fan of only using the fitted sheet on my kids’ beds.  This all began a few years ago when I wanted my oldest to learn how to make his bed.  He could do just about everything, but he always had a hard time smoothing out the top sheet.  A light bulb went off one day when I asked myself why we even needed the top sheet?  So, we took it off.  Making his bed became so much simpler!  I took the top sheets off of all the kids’ beds.  I will eventually put them back on when they are old enough and able to smooth and tuck in the top sheet, but for now this has definitely helped to make the morning routine simpler!

3. Simplifying your cleaning.
How?  With one simple product: white vinegar.  Some of you may already know the many uses of vinegar, but I just learned about this in the last year.  You can clean so many things with vinegar, and a large container costs less than $2.50!  Here are a few ways to use vinegar:

• As a fabric softener:  1/4 cup in your rinse cycle softens your clothes and gets rid of any unpleasant odors.  If your towels have started to have that yucky, mildew smell, vinegar will take care of it.  Everyone always asks, “But will my clothes smell like vinegar?”  No, vinegar is odorless when it dries. 
• As a glass and surface cleaner:  Equal parts vinegar and water in a spray bottle make a great cleaner.  Vinegar does a much better job than a store-bought glass cleaner for a fraction of the cost. 
• As a hard water remover:  If your coffee pot is running slow, it is probably hard water buildup.  Run equal parts water and vinegar through the pot, and the hard water buildup will disappear.  Spray straight vinegar onto tile or any other surface with hard water build up.  Let it sit for a few minutes, then wipe with a sponge.
• As a carpet cleaner:  I use the same spray bottle of vinegar that I use to clean glass to spot clean my carpets.  You avoid the problem of dirt sticking to the soap based carpet cleaning product which just causes another stain to appear.

These are just a few things that have helped me in my quest towards simplicity.  I am still searching for good ideas to help simplify the toys.  Do you have any to share?  I would love to hear them.  Happy simplifying!

Ewan (the oldest) got his first ice cream when he was 2.  2!  Can you believe that? I thought for sure that if a morsel of sugar passed his lips any earlier he’d turn into a sugar loving crazed kid. I know now that all kids will be lovers of sugar. Doesn’t matter what age you introduce it to them. I don’t remember how old Isaac (middle child) was when he got his first cookie or ice cream but he was a lot younger. When we thought Ewan was old enough to start chewing gum then it was hard to keep it from Isaac too. I try to tell myself that their 14 month age difference has a lot to do with it but I think I like to rationalize.

Well, apparently the age for gum chewing with the third child is 18 months.  Okay, well maybe our third child found some gum in my purse, knew what it was, unpeeled it, knew to put it in his mouth and chew.  I didn’t give it to him.  But I didn’t freak out after he put it in his mouth either (which I would have after child #1 or 2).  I waited to see what would happen.  I figured he would swallow it.  Or spit it out somewhere. Speaking of which, I should probably go see if I can find that chewed treasure somewhere.  But he figured out how to chew it and swallow the juices that come from a yummy piece of gum.  He chewed it longer than Ewan or Isaac did when they were first getting the hang of gum.

In truth, since I am a slightly seasoned parent, some of my parenting views and philosophies have changed too so that makes a difference in some of my decision making. I know someday I’ll hear the words from Ewan, “But MOM, you NEVER used to let me do _______!” And I’ll respond, “Wait till you have kids…”

I couldn’t resist showing you the utter joy that Graham (the 18 month old) had with his first gum chewing escapade.
So, what have you gotten “slack” on since becoming a parent of 2 or more? What kinds of things seem less important to you than before when it comes to parenting?