The Mom Crowd

In August 2008, our three year old son, Andrew, was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. For weeks he had been drinking tons of water, urinating much more than he was taking in and was eating everything in sight. We knew something was going on and when we got his diagnosis we weren’t really sure what we were up against.

The first week was awful. Andrew spent the first day after diagnosis in the ICU because his blood sugar had been so high for so long that he was in Diabetic Ketoacidosis and had to be stabilized. (Diabetic Ketoacidosis occurs when the body cannot break down glucose for energy and in turn starts to burn fat. Ketones are an acid that results from this fat breakdown and an accumulation of these acids in the body can be dangerous and at times deadly.) The following three days in the hospital were spent learning how to care for him once we got home. We learned how to check his blood sugar levels, how to draw up and inject his insulin, how to calculate how much insulin he needs and to recognize danger signs of lows and highs.

We did not get much support from those in our lives we had hoped and thought would be there for us. I realized that a lot of it was due to the fact that people just didn’t understand what we were really dealing with. So, in my attempt to educate people in order to prevent someone else feeling what we felt, I compiled this list of things I wish everyone knew about Type 1 Diabetes.

1. Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disease in which the body attacks and destroys all of the cells in the pancreas that produce insulin. No one knows for sure what exactly triggers this autoimmune response, but it is currently not anything that can be prevented and is NOT caused by poor eating, lack of exercise or bad parenting.

2. INSULIN IS NOT A CURE!!! There is currently no proven cure for Type 1 Diabetes. Unlike Type 2 Diabetes (the more commonly discussed type), eating better and exercising won’t reverse it.

3. People with Type 1Diabetes will be dependent on insulin for their entire lives and must take it to survive.

4. Monitoring blood sugar levels is a must! Some people check their children’s blood sugar levels 10 or more times a day.

5. Exercise can cause high blood sugars or low blood sugars – and lows can happen up to 12 hours after exercise.

6. Children with Type 1 Diabetes CAN have things with sugar! In fact, they, like everyone else, need sugars to produce energy. While foods with rapid acting sugars like juice, candy and frostings are to be used sparingly, they can still be had.

7. Parents of children with diabetes NEED other people in their lives to learn how to monitor and care for their children in case there is an emergency or in the rare event they actually have a date night!

Please take the last thing to heart and when you hear of a family affected by Type 1 Diabetes don’t hesitate to ask questions and if possible learn the basics to help. The parents will love you and appreciate you more than you’ll ever know!!!

3.31.09. Today is the first ever “Spread the Word to End the Word!” I am excited to celebrate this awesome day with all of The Mom Crowd readers! As you know, the word “retard” is abused and misused by so many people. Most people use the r-word as slang or tongue in cheek, however, it is disparaging and hurtful to the millions of people with intellectual disabilities, their friends, and their families.

Spread the Word to End the Word is a campaign created by young people with and without intellectual disabilities to create a societal taboo on the r-word. The Special Olympics and John C. McGinley (Dr. Perry Cox on Scrubs) are endorsing and publicly representing this campaign. Rallies are being held in work places, high schools, middle schools, elementary schools, and colleges around the world. The state of Delaware will be asking all 40,000 high school students to pledge to not use the r-word in their vocabulary.

I challenge you to not just roll your eyes thinking this is yet another political correctness movement. I challenge you to hear the words of those with intellectual disabilities, their friends and their families. I challenge you to remove the word from your language that destroys the dignity of so many individuals in our world. I challenge you to “Spread the Word to END the Word” today and tomorrow and the days to come!!!

Any mother would be proud to be Soeren Palumbo’s mom! This kid has defined why the r-word is so offensive. I hope you will watch this high school student’s amazing speech!

I will close this with a personal message from Dr. Cox err…John C. McGinley:

(more…)

Vanessa is the mother of two children, a boy and a girl. I’ve known her for 8 years and I find her fascinating, talented, and devoted to everything she loves. You can catch more of her stories on motherhood at It’s Called Guilt.

“I’d do anything for my kids!” We repeat this motherhood mantra over and over. For some of us, it’ll mean giving up a much-needed vacation so Junior can go to soccer camp. For others, it’ll be piano lessons instead of a plasma TV. Whatever the sacrifice, we’re glad to do it…mostly.

My turn at sacrificing came in December when my daughter was just three months old. Our little one had had troubles from early on. She continued to plateau on her weight even after we remedied tongue-tie, colic, and an oversupply of breastmilk. One poopy diaper revealed the harsh truth: baby girl is allergic to milk (and possibly soy) protein. The pediatrician came in with the news and my alternatives — put baby on formula or start a dairy-free, soy-free diet.

My first reaction was, “Okay! Bring on the formula!” But the more I thought about it, the more the mantra replayed itself in my mind. I knew I had to give this new meal plan a try. That first day I hunted around my house, looking for something, ANYTHING I could eat. I didn’t come up with much.

But for the last three months, I’ve devoted myself to learning about “hidden dairy” ingredients, finding new recipes, and investigating every morsel of food that touches my lips. I can’t say it’s been easy. I have dreams about accidentally ingesting ‘contaminated’ bread. I go to restaurants only to learn I can order a garden salad with no croutons and oil & vinegar for dressing, or else mandarin orange slices. That’s all.

I miss cheesecake. And ice cream. And getting to eat whatever I want without thinking about it. But I’ve learned discipline through it all. I don’t think I ever could have done this just for me. But for my baby? That’s another story altogether.

By Christmas everyone said she was a different baby. Gone were the days of one hour fine, one hour in pain, one hour of sleep, and repeat. Her smile now lasts throughout the day. That’s the silver lining in all of this. That and the weight that’s just sliding off. Hey – it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

How have allergies affected your family? Have there been other sacrifices you’ve had to make as a mom?

Last night, ABC premiered its newest sitcom, “In the Motherhood“, starring Cheryl Hines, Megan Mullally, and Jessica St. Clair.  More than a year ago, I heard about this show when it was a web series starring Chelsea Handler and Leah Remini, which apparently had a decent fanbase.  I have also heard about how they take real-life stories from real-life moms and use them in their plotlines.   I was interested in seeing how this would all play out!

Hines plays Jane, a single working mom, whose daughter Sophie is a sweet little baby.  Her primary plotline was how she wondered if her third date with a co-worker was going to constitute sex.  There were a few workplace scenes with little jabs about mommies who “bring their private life into the office” – in Jane’s office, it’s a no-no.   There was a subplot about a sexual harrassment seminar that seemed incongruous with the rest of the story. 

Jane’s sister Emily (played by St. Clair, pictured), is the “perfect mom” in an interracial marriage.  Her children are named Bill and Esther, which I thought was kinda funny – just ’cause it’s funny to hear a teacher say, “You need to come get Bill now.”  Little kids with grown-up names crack me up.  That’s really all that I found funny, though.  Emily’s arc revolved around how the charade of Santa Claus is actually a lie.  Since Emily vows never to lie to her kids, she pulled them aside and said, “Santa is a made up story.”  The kids’ faces crestfallen, Mullally’s character (the quirky Rosemary) takes their picture with a camera phone, declaring, “I’m gonna go post this on the blog.”  (Okay, that’s actually a little funny.)  Emily & hubby deal with the aftermath of this decision – cue chaos in the classroom when Bill crushes every child’s innocence (debunking myths about Santa, the tooth fairy, princesses, etc.)  Ultimately, Emily decided it wasn’t worth it, and concocted a scheme to reinstate the Santa myth into her kids’ lives.  Jane said, “Look at my little sister, lying to her kids!”  Rosemary replied, “I know.  Now she’s just a normal mom.”  (Does this seem like familiar territory?  See The Mom Crowd’s discussion about Santa from last December!)

Meanwhile, childless Rosemary gets the convoluted idea to fake a pregnancy to get the perks – which, in this show, include cutting in public lines, buying cute maternity shirts, going to outdoor yoga, getting free stuff from people, and making 20 new pregnant friends who throw you a shower, all in one week!  (I guess Rosemary is a really well-off person who doesn’t work, kinda like another character Mullally used to play…)  Rosemary defended herself with the argument that “a pregnant woman in our society has been elevated to the status of a goddess!”  Of course, the ruse didn’t last long, and no one’s feelings were really hurt, since all of her new friends were just nameless background characters.   I just wonder: what person actually does this in reality?  (Apparently someone, since the stories are from real people.)

Overall, the show struck me as trying too hard to be cute.  The three lead roles came off like caricatures - Emily is sickeningly perfect – Jane is all Sex-and-the-City with a baby as an accessory – Rosemary is just background noise.  I like the idea of incorporating real moms’ anecdotes into the writing, but the result is a series of loosely connected sketches rather than a cohesive plot.  There is no laugh track, either, so there was nothing to cover up the fact that most of the punchlines fell flat.  Bummer, ’cause mom stories are genuinely funny, and should be made funnier in a sitcom.   (Interesting new tidbit:  reports just in that the Writers’ Guild of America requires the story-submitting moms online be paid for their ideas, which means real-mom ideas will probably no longer be used.  At least, that’s how I understand it.)

The most surprising part of watching “In the Motherhood” was seeing SNL vet Horatio Sanz play Jane’s “manny”.  Dude lost 100 pounds – I didn’t even recognize him.  I had to imdb him to make sure I was seeing the credits correctly.  He looks amazing, and his comic timing was spot-on.  He was the best part, in my opinion.

Did you see the premiere?  What did you think?  Do real-life mom stories translate well to t.v. land?  Does this show stand a chance at being a success? 

Have you ever considered having your older children come to the birth of their newest baby brother/sister?  What is your first reaction when you think about having your children come to your next birth? If your first reaction was, “Never!” you aren’t alone.  Many people think children would be scared or scarred for life if they saw their moms (or anyone else for that matter) give birth.

I want to provide an alternative way of looking at bringing children to the birth of their new sibling.  Children are curious by nature and most children love babies.  Allowing a child to be part of the significant moment of introducing a new family member into the world can be a positive, unforgettable experience.

Penny Simkin, doula and childbirth educator extraordinaire co-authored a book called Birth-Through Children’s Eyes several years ago.  I found a copy of it at half-price books when I was pregnant with my third child.  I thought it would make a great resource for my birth class lending library.  As I read the book, I started talking to my husband about having our oldest child (who had just turned 4) come with us to the birth center to be there for the birth.  He was skeptical at first but as I shared from the book he became open to the idea.

In Penny’s book, she did a (small scale) study with some children and compared the experiences of children who had been at their sibling’s birth and those who hadn’t.  She had the children draw pictures as a way for them to talk about the new addition to the family.  The biggest difference between the two groups is that the children who DID go to the births felt more accepting and less jealous of the new baby than those who did NOT go to the birth.  The siblings liked having a role in the birth and being one of the first people to hold the new baby.

All of the moms I know (myself included) who are having additional children ponder  and talk about whether or not the other child(ren) will be jealous of the baby and take it out on either the baby or the mommy.  Everyone in the family must readjust to the new family layout, that is true, and there are a lot of factors that can make that transition easier.  Having family/friend/church support to bring meals, help out with laundry, and some light cleaning can be a relief to any mom.  Talking with older siblings about how a new baby is coming and reading books about it together can help too.  What if inviting older children to the birth of the new baby was an additional help?

Most people balk at the idea because we bring in our own fears, scary stories, and ideas about birth which makes it hard to see birth the way a child would see it.  I mentioned before that children are curious by nature and love learning–and babies.  Having them at birth does open up potential conversations about how human reproduction, how babies are made, and where they come from.  True, those kind of conversations can make us nervous because we don’t want to say the wrong thing–my perspective is that I want my children to learn those things from me and I am willing to answer their questions.  I don’t feel the need to explain everything to them .

I have some suggestions on how to make it work if you do decide to have older children come to the birth of their new sibling.  Most of these come from Penny’s book and some other things I have read about it.

1. Have a friend/relative designated to be the child’s helper.  Your children should have a good relationship with the helper. This person is there to help the child(ren) with activities, answer questions, and to be supportive to the child.  They can watch the child and make sure that he/she is feeling comfortable or provide things to do during the labor (which can be boring to a child).  Pushing the baby out is much more exciting!  Preparing the child ahead of time so they know that daddy will be helping mommy and won’t be available to help him/her is important.

2. Plan activities ahead of time for the child: Bake a birthday cake or cupcakes and bring it to the birth so the child(ren) can frost and decorate while you labor.  Bring books, paper, markers, crayons, play-dough to help pass time.  Portable dvd players and movies with a sleeping bag can be a great way to settle down.  If you are birthing at home then you can wake the child up shortly before it is time to push.  If you are birthing in the hospital you can have the helper bring the child near the end of labor too–especially if it is in the middle of the night.

3. Help prepare the children coming to the birth by reading books about birth, show pictures, and watch some videos together. You tube is a great place to find some birth videos.  Explaining to the child that birth can be messy is a good thing.  It is good for them to know that they might see blood  and that the baby might look kind of slimy when it comes out.

4. Give the child space to decide when he or she wants to be in the room.  Forcing the child to be there when he doesn’t want to be will be distressing to him.  (This is why you bring in a special helper.)  Also if you, as the laboring mom, decide you don’t want the child there then you can tell your helper to take the child to another room.

We did have our oldest come to the birth and decided to have our middle child (who was almost 3)  stay home. We made arrangements with some friends to come and sleep at our house should labor happen in the middle of the night so someone would be with him.  My mom was our Ewan’s helper.  We had asked Ewan if he wanted to come to the birth a few months in advance.  He did so we started talking to him about how my mom was going to be his helper and pal at the birth center.  We told him about the different things he could do while we waited for the baby to come.

Labor started in the middle of the night and Ewan was very excited about getting to be up.  As I was pushing the baby out he saw a little blood and said, “I think I want to go watch a movie upstairs.”  So off he went and we got him after the baby was out.  We had a few complications (the baby’s shoulders got stuck and it was a little intense) so in the end we decided that it was probably a good thing that he decided to leave.  He has had a very strong bond with Graham (the baby) and still talks about being at his birth.  He remembers me making funny labor noises in the backseat of the car on the way, he remembers making cupcakes, he remembers holding Graham for the first time.  He loved being there.  Our middle child took longer to bond with the baby and warm up to him.  Some of it may have been his displacement as the baby, or age, but I do wonder if he would have warmed up quicker had he been at the birth.  If I could do it all over again I would have the same plan.  If we have another baby, I will invite both the older boys to come to the birth for sure.  I won’t know about Graham until we are closer to birth day.

So what do you think?  Did you go to any of your sibling’s births?  Were any of your children at any of your other births?