The Mom Crowd

I don’t know about you, but sometimes life wears me out.  Our family is pretty busy.  My husband works in a church (he’s the Youth Director), so we call church our second home.  We’re there every Sunday and Wednesday for a variety of activities.  Additionally, my kids’ pre-school is a ministry of our church.  When I add it all up, they spend over twenty hours a week on the church campus. 

When we come home from church/pre-school, everyone is pretty tired.  It takes a lot of energy to get everyone dressed, packed up, transported to & fro, and unpacked each day.  These are our regular activities, and our routine serves us well – especially when we all get a decent night’s sleep.

Most of my friends’ families are in the same boat.  Some of them have also begun enrolling their children in extra-curriculars.  A lot of my kids’ friends are joining swim team, taking a dance class, or enrolling in soccer.  I’ve gotta be honest about this and say, “NO!  Not yet!  I am not ready for this!”  The thought of researching programs that my daughter or son would enjoy, paying for it somehow, and shuttling them to even more events would fry what’s left of my brain.  I don’t know how my mom friends do it!

Sometimes I hear moms complain about their kids’ extra-curriculars.  One lady bemoaned to me:  ”I have to take my daughters to a cheering competition in [a city three hours away] for the whole weekend!”  Her girls were 6 and 9 at the time.   On and on she went, telling me about the cost of the uniforms and how they had to stay at this ritzy hotel and how the girls were getting unnecessarily catty with each other at that young age.

I wanted to ask, “Why are you doing it, then?” 

My husband and I have discussed the topic of extra-curriculars for our kids quite often, considering what is necessary, what isn’t, how much is too much, how much is not enough, etc.  We are excited to see our kids grow in different areas – will they be inclined to take up an instrument or join a sports team?  It’s exciting!  We do not want to prevent them from exploring what the world has to offer.  At the same time, we want to guard ourselves from overscheduling our already-busy family, and adding unnecessary stress to our lives.  We also have to watch our budget.  Uniforms, dues, and gas can get costly.

Since school is starting/has started for most of us, here are my suggestions for making healthy choices regarding extra-curriculars for your children:

• Discuss the issue in advance.  If not communicated, this is one of those subjects that could cause arguments with your spouse.  One parent might want their child to explore as many activities as possible, and the other might want to go into extra-curriculars slowly.  It’s good to hammer it out sooner than later, so compromises can be made.
• Know your priorities.  While conversing about it, make a list of what the family’s goals are with its time.  For example, our family prioritizes church events over most others.  If an event comes our way and it conflicts with a church commitment, we are likely to say no.  We also want to make sure our family has enough down time each week, and ample together-time. 
• Have a plan and set some limits.  In your discussion, it would be good to formulate a standard to work with.  Are you willing to enroll your child in 1 or 2 classes a week?  How much money can you set aside for each activity?  Knowing your parameters will be helpful when the kids start asking to do things.  You can tell them in advance, “Hey, your dad and I discussed it, and we feel it is okay for you to join one team this year.  What sport would you like to do the most?”  Or, you can have your answer ready when they ask to do something else: “Honey, it’s great that you want to take Underwater Basket-Weaving with your friend.  However, we have already committed to your piano lessons, which you chose to do first.  Let’s wait till next year to try something new!”  This is healthy decision-making that teaches kids responsibility – even if it elicits a few tantrums grumbles.
• Be flexible.  Alright, so you’ve paid for Jimmy’s football activities and he looks adorable in his uniform.  One problem:  he hates it.  This is where changing our minds is helpful.  We want our children to be challenged, to work hard for their successes – but we don’t want to damage their ever-changing psyches.  This is where communication with your spouse, your child, their coaches & teachers will come in handy.  Nothing ever has to be set in stone.  Life does require a lot of do-overs!

I am curious what my kids will want to do with extra-curriculars in the (near!)  future.  It will add some stress, but a lot of joy, too!

What are your kids currently doing for extra-curriculars?  Do you have limits in this area?  What has worked for you, and what has been a struggle?  Do share, and have a great weekend, Mom Crowd!

first picture courtesy lambchops

second picture is me, in the 7th grade

Do you ever think your kids talk too much about fighting or violence? Do your kids wrestle every day?  Does it start out fun and then end in tears? I noticed in the past few weeks that my two older boys were wrestling a lot and that the wrestling was turning into frustration and fighting quicker than normal.  At first I thought it was an “end of summer cabin fever and we don’t have much of a schedule” thing going on.  Then I noticed that my 4 year old was making a lot of references to fighting and it was really bothering me.

After talking to my husband and evaluating our environment we decided to try an experiment.

A little back story first: we are living at my mom’s house while we transition to our move overseas.  My mom has expanded cable which means that the boys have been introduced to Cartoon Network.  They love Pokemon and enjoy watching Secret Saturdays.  We have only been allowing them to watch 2 shows (or one hour total) in the morning for their tv time for the day.  They consistently were picking Pokemon, Secret Saturdays, or Transformers.  All of these shows are good guy/bad guy shows and there is of course some fighting.

My husband and I decided to limit the “fighting” shows to only one in the morning.  Then can choose a show on PBS in addition to one of the Cartoon Network shows.  Or they can watch 2 shows on PBS.  They love all the shows on PBS but there is a draw to the more unknown shows on CN so they still pick one from that channel.

Our experiment worked!  We started it this week and have noticed a significant decrease in their fighting.  Our 4 year old is not referring to violence as much either.

I think boys and wrestling go together and I don’t have a problem with them burning off energy in that way.  I don’t like it when they are being disrespecful, fighting, and using their imagination for fighting games ONLY.

I thought I’d share our little experiment with you in case you are dealing with some thing similar.  What do you think?  Do you notice the same thing in your kids?  How do you handle it?

photo courtesy of Aislinn Ritchie

It’s been a while since I’ve been pregnant, 20 months in fact, but the uncertainties of pregnancy still run through my mind often.  While some women seem to breeze through pregnancy without so much as a single Braxton Hicks contraction, others, like me, are not so lucky.  I’ve been trying to think of some pithy way to express my confusion about the wonders of pregnancy but decided that the best way to do it is just to make two lists… one with the things that just plain stink about pregnancy and one with all the wonderment and joys of it.  As a preface, let me just say that I am one of those people who absolutely loves being pregnant and wishes it could be a perpetual state, but even I have my limits!

The Woes I Did Not Know:

- Morning Sickness can be such a misnomer!  Our first successful pregnancy proved to be very challenging as I dealt with “morning, mid-morning, noon, afternoon, evening, night sickness”.  I had developed a condition many women do not know about called Hyperemesis Gravidarum.  It is a very severe form of morning sickness in which those affected vomit constantly, find no relief and lose 5% or more of their body weight.  I lost 20 pounds in  my first trimester and had to be hospitalized.  I suffered with this condition my entire pregnancy.  Talk about rough!

- Joint pain is real in pregnancy!  With Andrew, I didn’t experience this at all, but early in my second trimester with Catherine, my hips burned with arthritis type pain.  It would be so severe some nights that I would toss and turn and never be able to find a comfortable position.  I also did not know that this condition can hang around for many months after pregnancy as well. 

- Constipation is 10 times worse when you are pregnant!  Because your body produces extra progesterone during pregnancy, it also increases the effects of the hormone in your system.  Progesterone slows down digestion, thus making constipation more likely.  Constipation is also more difficult to treat during pregnancy.  The only things I could do to relieve mine was drink decaf coffee, eat a ton of grapes and drink plenty of water.  And when it got really bad, I had to use glycerin suppositories.  Not exactly a glamorous moment!

- Induction is not all it’s cracked up to be!  I was induced with Andrew because I was making absolutely no progress on my own.  Even my doctor thought Andrew would be happy just to stay in my belly permanently.  The first few hours of my induction weren’t too bad, but after the fifth hour, the pain was completely intolerable and by the ninth hour, Andrew could not handle the stress from the drugs and I was rushed into emergency surgery for a c-section.  What I thought was to be a great experience turned into a scary day when my baby’s heartbeat could not be found and a vaginal delivery was no longer an option.

The Little Things I Enjoyed:

- The feeling of my children moving in my belly was the coolest thing ever!  I would lay on my couch, watching American Idol, just feeling Andrew groove to the music in my belly.  I loved that feeling and missed it once I gave birth.

- Being pregnant made me feel more beautiful than I ever felt in my life!  To this day, I miss my baby bump.  I always felt that pregnancy was one of God’s most beautiful creations and seeing pregnant bellies, especially mine, confirms that in my heart!  I never felt fat, just that I looked more feminine and beautiful than ever before.

- Shopping for baby stuff was more fun than shopping for anything I ever wanted for myself!  I didn’t feel like paying $180 for a crib bedding set was ridiculous, when if it was something I wanted, I never would have even considered it. 

- Getting to hold my children in my arms after they were born was one of the most fulfilling and awesome moments of my life!  Seeing their cute little noses, long eyelashes and full heads of hair was such an amazing experience. 

Of course, there were many other things that I loved about being pregnant… well, I actually even loved throwing up because it meant I was still pregnant, but all that said, pregnancy can be easy or difficult, but it’s ALWAYS worth it!!! 

What were some of the things you wish you had known about pregnancy?  Were there more unexpected “woes” or “joys” for you?

Photo Courtesy of otzberg

After 2 years of blogging, today is McKenna’s last official post on The Mom Crowd. We have 5 writers for this blog and McKenna is my first co-writer. She is also a co-founder of The Mom Crowd. I remember having an “official” meeting in her kitchen back in the summer of 2007 to discuss post ideas, logo themes, and vision casting for this site.  We also created the short-lived “The Mom Crowd Show!” together.  Like official reporters we ran around the San Antonio Baby Expo together with a camera and microphone interviewing the representatives at each booth. It was so much fun!

I am certainly going to miss McKenna’s insight into the world of special needs and her positive outlook on life. I am grateful that we got to walk through her journey to adopt Baby Reese from the Ukraine together. McKenna will be spending this semester caring for her 3 little ones, taking a full schedule of college courses, and helping with ReecesRainbow.org. We will still see her around here as a faithful reader and possibly with a guest post from time to time. Best wishes to you and your family.

In honor of McKenna’s last post, I asked to pick her favorite 5 posts.

McKenna here.    I am really going to miss writing for The Mom Crowd.  I have loved posting on this blog and have enjoyed the companionship, support, insight from all the other moms who participate in the discussions at The Mom Crowd.  Reading through my old posts over the last two years brought up so many memories!  It’s been amazing to watch a blog develop from discussions with Amanda at my kitchen table and at her neighborhood park to such an active, insightful, encouraging blog for moms. 

Alrighty, my most favorite posts:

1. The Mom Crowd Shows - Shooting these episodes was so much fun!  I would do this again in a heart beat!  I loved our one-man camera crew, making my living room and later Amanda’s living room into a studio, and the funny out-takes.  Oh, and remember not having a charged battery downtown and running and trolleying all over downtown San Antonio, Amanda?  Good t imes!  Man, my hair is longer!!  Oh, on the third episode, there’s a great discussion about using a mirror to watch your child’s delivery…too many puns to count!    These shows were way too fun!
2. When You Find Out Your Baby Has Down Syndrome - One of my favorite things about writing for The Mom Crowd was documenting some of my life experiences as a mommy.  I have also been so happy that my life experience parenting children with health issues and special needs has encouraged other mommies in similar situations with their children.  I love the comments that pop up on this post years after I’ve written from people doing google searches.  And I love that I have these emotions docuemented for myself. 
3. Ready Set Sign - As a speech pathology student, I have a passion for helping children learn to communicate.  I am a strong believer that every parent should use the valuable resource of signing with their children when they are young!  Signing with my girls has been one of the most valuable resources for us as parents. 
4. Teaching Your Children and Yourselves How to Live Within Your Means - I have many posts that I’ve written for The Mom Crowd with advice and suggestions I struggle to take.  Writing posts like this one have been helpful for myself as I try to become a better mom, wife, and child of God.   
5. Censoring Disney? – Sometimes, writing for The Mom Crowd was difficult because I did not feel as though I knew the right answer to issues I struggled with as a mom.  This post was one of those posts where I learned so much from the discussion following the post. So many readers of The Mom Crowd have more good ideas than anything I could find online as I researched some of my posts.   

I’m sad to not be a regular contributing author of The Mom Crowd, but excited about all the things I have going on in my busy life!  I’ll be around…it’s not that easy to get rid of me! 

My 2 year old daughter, Annabelle, is a grazer. She doesn’t eat a meal in one sitting. Instead, she takes a few bites, leaves it, plays, and comes back for a few a bites more. It can take her 3 hours to eat 5 chicken nuggets. If we are at a park she will carry her sandwich around with her. Of course, I know this is a problem that I partly helped to create.

I want my daughter to eat and if that means that it took her a few hours to eat, so be it. Right when she wakes up from her nap I would serve her dinner, so she could get a head start. It never seemed like she ate enough, so I let the problem begin by letting her eat whenever she wanted.

We also had a problem with her easily getting in and out of her seat. For a while booster seats and high chairs became like hot molten lava and she wouldn’t touch them. So we let her sit on her knees in a regular chair. When we went to restaurants she didn’t want to stay seated at all. I was so worried one night that she was going to touch her tomato sauce covered hands on our neighbor’s white shirt. We got a booth whenever possible to corral her.

Last week my husband and I were ready to tackle this issue. We have 2 goals to teach our 2 year old.

1. To learn to eat with the family.
2. To stay seated while she ate.
We were ready to stick out whatever tantrums and protests she threw. She needs to learn how to eat with the family.

• We bought a new booster seat

The first thing I did was buy a new booster seat. I decided on a backless seat that does not have a tray. I don’t need the back to support her and she uses the table like the grown-ups to eat. The seat I bought is a Safety First brand for $10.50 at Wal-Mart.

That evening I attached the booster seat to a chair. I had her help me attach the seat. Next, I got some Disney Princess stickers and let her put a few on her seat wherever she chose. The whole time I kept saying in a very enthusiastic tone, “This is Annabelle’s Princess Chair!”

• Everyone eats together

That same day I waited to feed her dinner until my husband and I could sit down with her. She was so hungry she was already sitting in her chair, before I even served dinner. She stayed seated the whole time! She even ate almost everything I gave her and stayed in her seat until after we left the table. The booster seat was a big hit! Apparently, a part of her problem was that she wasn’t comfortable sitting at the table in a regular chair. Now she calls her seat “Annabelle’s Chair.”

• Use the “All Done” rule

In addition to the chair, I have reinstated the “All Done” rule. When she was a baby I taught her the sign for “all done.” Now we ask her if she is all done. If she says yes, we immediately take her out of her seat, wash her hands, and put her plate away. I will let her have liquids after dinner, but after that there is no more until the next meal. She remembers this rule from before, so it hasn’t really been an issue.

We were ready for tantrums and protests, but didn’t get any. What a thrill it is to have a tackled a behavioral problem successfully. I know that all them won’t be this easy, but I am counting my blessings for this one!

Have you had a problem with getting your toddler to stay seated? Do they eat really slowly? What problem are you currently tackling?