The Mom Crowd

As we are knee-deep in the holiday season, I am realizing something kinda important: Lucy has learned who Santa Claus is.  (She’ll be three in a couple of months.)  When we were decorating our tree a week ago, she said, “That’s Santa!”  We think she picked up on it from an episode of “Dora the Explorer”.  She is no longer an oblivious baby with no need to know about Santa one way or another.   We’re now faced with the question:  What do we teach her about Santa?  People are always asking us at Christmastime if we “do Santa” with our kids, especially friends and people we know from our church.  Apparently, it’s a tradition still embraced by most of the church-going folks in my own community.

[Until now, I think my husband & I just looked at this issue with a mixture of ambivalence and laziness.  The older we get, the wearier we become with the whole commercial Christmas machine.  It just seems somewhat insignificant in light of our world's greater troubles: the poor, the homeless, the sick, the dying, the starving, the oppressed - the people who live on next to nothing and struggle just to survive.  I hate to be Debbie Downer and all, but the more I learn, the less I care about presents or Santa.  My husband and I have pretty much decided not to give each other anything this year - we don't need more stuff - and donate our Christmas gift budget to a bigger cause.  We did buy small gifts for Lucy and Eli.

I grew up with the magic of Christmas - I think I learned the truth about the jolly fat fellow when I was about nine years old.  I loved Christmas season for the magic it brought with it, especially the gifts.  As a child, the presents are all that matter!  And well into my twenties, I tried to preserve that magic with gift giving galore.  After awhile, though, I realized it was quite a job to shop for people who already have everything they need (or who can go buy what they want any other day of the year).]

But back to the question at hand: what and how do we teach our kids about this time-honored tradition of Santa Claus, Rudolph, and the naughty & nice list?  Ultimately, it is a matter to be decided by each parent or set of parents.  My husband and I need to sit down and decide how much we want our kids to believe, and how much we want to make it about God and the world and its brokenness, about Jesus’ birth and the Giant Rescue Plan God created to bring mankind back to Him.  We also need to agree on how we’ll show the spirit of Christmas to our children – if we make it all about ourselves, the cookies, the parties, the fun, or if we balance it with a concern and compassion for others in need.  (We don’t have it figured out yet, believe me.)

Then we have to figure out how to raise our kids in a culture that preserves and celebrates this annual tradition.  No, I don’t want to be the “mean family” who spoils it for all of the other kids – I would hope we’d show our kids how to have discernment and keep certain things to themselves.  But kids will be kids – they are more honest than anyone.  I really can’t help it if my child wants to share something true with another child, especially if it’s an accident or in total innocence.  It’s not my goal to correct the thinking of other children or to throw another family’s Christmas tradition under the bus.  I’d rather our family be known for its commitment to serving others and being a light in the darkness.  And I have a feeling we’ll be learning what that looks like through a lot of trial and error in the Christmases to come.

I recently read a couple of other articles on this topic, and was somewhat stunned by the extreme points of view people have about the tradition of Santa, especially when I hold them up to my own.  “To each his own” I read a few times on comment boards, and I have to agree.  Read at your own risk, and then decide for yourself whether or not it’s worth your precious time and energy to jump in on an argument that will ultimately lead nowhere.  I say, let’s channel that energy into helping someone in need this season.

• I Refuse To Let My Kid Believe In Santa from the Momlogic Community
• Emily’s next-day response, also at Momlogic
• Should Kids Believe In Santa Claus? from Kaboose
• What a Family Therapist Says from Kaboose

Here at The Mom Crowd, we’d love for you to weigh in on the Santa tradition – I just humbly ask that we be nice to each other as we share our ideas and strategies.  So let’s hear it: To what degree is Santa important in your family’s Christmas tradition?  Are you annoyed with parents who don’t teach their kids about Santa?  Are you annoyed with parents who do?  Like me, are you somewhere in the middle?  Is it possible to teach our kids how to keep a secret in order to protect another child’s innocence?  Is it possible to teach our kids to be passionate about social justice and compassion for others as much as they care about gifts under the tree?  

I am not a morning person.  I love to sleep.  The lack of sleep that comes with having children is probably my biggest personal challenge (and sacrifice)–well, that and staying calm when the children are not listening to directions–but that is a whole other topic. We prefer to have our kids go to bed on the earlier end (oldest and middle child with no nap=b/t 6:45 and 7, with nap= 8:30 or maybe 9, baby=b/t 6:30 and 7:00).  We parental units like to enjoy some sit in front of the tv time to decompress quality time together.  The unfortunate problem with this is that our kids tend to get up early and when they get up TOO early–it is often way before the chickens are stirring from their coops.  Like before 6am.  Anytime before 6:30 is too early in my book–7:00 is perfect.

When we moved the oldest and middle child to the same room this summer we ran into some problems.  They either accidently or purposely woke each other up.  Middle child had a habit of pooping around 6 a.m. in his diaper.  Rolling around in poo and smelling up the room probably woke up oldest child.  Before we moved older child into middle child’s room, middle child would hang out in bed for a long time quietly talking or resting and would get up when he heard others up.  Older child loves people so when he wakes up wants to be around ANYone and EVERYone.  No leisure time in bed for him. You can see how this could be a problem with room sharing.

4 and 5 year olds don’t always understand that waking up their siblings can be a very selfish thing to do–not to mention it can really make mommy’s day miserable. Especially if she is dealing with 2 children who did not get the right number of hours of sleep.  More whining and fighting anyone? We recently took out their lamp on their nightstand because one brother (I’m sure you can guess who) would decide to turn it on when he woke up–didn’t matter what time in the morning, and didn’t matter if other brother was sleeping. And trying to explain that other brother was whinier, grumpier and less pleasant to be around didn’t phase him.  Grrrrrrr!  And of course the lamp lighter brother had the biggest attitude about going back to bed. So what do you do when your kid gets up at the crack and refuses or “can’t” (aka WON’T) go back to bed for sleep or rest?

We have tried several things, some worked better than others:

1. A few years ago, we put a lamp on a timer so older child would know when it was okay to get up and out of bed.  It seemed to work for a while but then he figured out how to mess with the timer and/or unplug it so we stopped being consistent with it.

2. We have finagled with bedtimes to see if that helps.  We love the book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, and have moved some bedtimes up earlier so they would sleep later.  Counterintuitive I know, but it does work.  Overtired children are more likely to wake up more often in the middle of the night and wake up early.  Have you ever noticed that when you have a late night out your kids wake up at their same ol’ time or EARLIER?  I am always hopeful they will sleep in–but I keep reminding myself that when they become teenagers and hibernate in their rooms sleeping through the mornings on the weekends I’ll get to really get to sleep in myself.

3. Patiently (keyword: patiently) leading them back to bed to rest until mommy or daddy come get them.  It may only be enough time for some slight dozing or snuggling on the parental end but at least I am cozy in bed and not starting my day yet.  I have had my fair share of mornings being grumpy, mad mommy insisting they go back to bed but that only makes it WORSE–they resist more and I get all riled up so I’m definitely NOT getting any more sleep.  I’m too busy kicking myself for getting frustrated and trying to tell the adrenaline to shut off.

4. Teach them about time with a digital clock.  This is obviously better for older kids but it has been working a little at our house.  We had a special “training session” where I taught the kids how to get out of bed, open and shut their bedroom door quietly so they wouldn’t disturb the other person sleeping.  We practiced getting out of bed and using “quiet feet” (we have wood floors on 3 of the 4 levels in our house so it often feels like we live inside a drum) several times. They had a lot of fun with it.  I also have been going over with them almost daily that when the clock says “6:0_, 6:1_, 6:2_, 6:3_” then it is too early to get up and out of bed.  They can lay in bed quietly (and we practiced several examples of what is NOT quiet) and then come out when the clock says “6:4_”.   They can say it verbally back to me but when it comes down to practice they are still a little sketchy about it.  Sometimes they forget to look at the clock, sometimes they read the numbers in the wrong direction–I mean they are 4 and 5 so of course it is going to take them a while to get it down.  They have surprisingly had a lot of fun with all this training and are proud of themselves when they get it right.  It still seems like they wake up at the same time more often than not. We have also been working on teaching about time with an analog clock just to help them with time in general.

5. I haven’t tried this one yet, but I just saw a little blurb in Parents Magazine about it and I am seriously considering ordering one.  A Good Nite Lite was designed by a dad whose kid kept getting up at 5am. He designed the night light to glow like a sun when it is daytime and okay to get out of bed, and like a moon to show that it is still nighttime and to stay in bed.  It costs $35 bucks which might be worth it for some extra sleep.

I realize that this post is geared for older kids in big beds, not babies.  That is a different post that maybe I’ll write about another time.  I have some experience in babies that get up too early too.

So, what do you do when your kids wake up too early?  What has worked for you?  What has been the biggest disaster? 

Earlier this week, I was discussing with my hubby the definition of “preppy“.  It all started because I called our son “Mr. Preppy” – he was wearing a polo-shirt style onesie and the collar was “popped” for a second.  So cute.  In fact, it was his outfit for fall pictures at pre-school a few weeks ago.

It got me thinking about all the different fashion statements we like to make with our children.   For the first several years, they are definitely wearing what we choose for them.  In a way, we make them little reflections of ourselves.  Have you ever dressed your child in clothing that:

• represents a favorite sports team/alma mater/band or musical act?
• makes some kind of political statement?
• matches your own outfit to a tee?

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this; it’s part of the fun of having a child, in my opinion.  We’ve all done this in some form or another, either by choice or because the clothing was a gift from family members, right?  (My children have been wearing more than their fair share of Philadelphia sports teams gear for the past 2 years, that’s for sure. ) 

I’m curious: do you think about what style you want your baby to wear?  Do you seek out certain plaid, button-down styles?  Do you gravitate toward the frilly stuff for your daughter?  Are you prone to stocking up on shirts that have the latest Disney characters screened on them? 

I work in our church nursery each Sunday, so I glimpse a little bit of everything: kids in hand-me-downs, kids in linen overalls and white-collared shirts, kids in Baby Gap from hat to socks, kids in cartoon-related clothes, kids in garage sale clothes.   

The picture above is one that I took of my daughter’s closet when she was first born: stocked with precious dresses and outfits that were ultimately only useful one or two times.  I loved dressing her in them and I miss all that frilliness.  But she’s going on 3 now.  She’s in pre-school two days a week.  It’s all practical, all the time for her.  Jeans, tees, sneakers, and a jacket.  We can’t afford much more than this.  We get everything at Target and Wal-Mart, and we’ve become huge garage sale fans, scoring scads of good clothing at a fraction of the cost.   

Other moms’ thoughts on this subject:

• Junior High, Revisited 
• How to Dress Up Your Kids In Style
• Do  You Have a Problem Dressing Your Children In Wal-Mart Clothes?
• Dress  Your Child For Success: 5 Steps to Building Confidence Through Appearance

What do you think? What habits have you formed in acquiring your kids’ wardrobes?How important is your child’s clothing to you?  Is this irrelevant in our troubling economic times?  Weigh in below.

I can’t believe it’s Halloween.  The older I get, the quicker it comes.  I’m no longer a child in a classroom counting down the long October days to the 31st.  I no longer fret over what would be the best costume.  I don’t worry about how many pieces of candy my mom will allow me to eat each day.  Yes, the tables have turned; now it’s my turn to monitor all of this for my kids.  Since they’re still 2 and 1, though, I don’t have to go through the whole Halloween shebang just yet.  This year, our focus has been on having the most budget-friendly holiday.  If you’re like me, you don’t have much extra cash for store-bought costumes or full-sized candy bars to give away.   

Here are some ideas to keep Halloween easy on the wallet: 

• Make your own costume.  Sometimes, the store-bought ones look so cheesy anyway; using clothes from around the house really adds character and originality to a costume.  I remember once I was a princess, and I borrowed a prom dress and jewelry from one of my mom’s friends.  All I needed was the tiara!  Another time, my mom made me a cheerleading outfit and sewed the year I would graduate high school on the sleeve of my sweater.  (I remember thinking, ‘Wow, 1994 will never come!’)  The best homemade costumes, though, have wit.  One year, I made a “sandwich-board” costume out of posterboard to look like a giant Dawn dishwashing soap bottle.  And in eighth grade, my friend Jaimee and I decided to be a giant yellow happy face.  We pulled it off, too.

• Borrow a hand-me-down costume from a friend.  This year, I was fortunate enough to borrow a lion costume for Eli and a giraffe costume for Lucy.  They will even “match” in all of their jungle-ness!  If you already purchased a costume this year, save it and be on the lookout for someone who can put it to good use next year.
• Wait until the last week of October to buy your pumpkins.  True, the selection might be picked over, but if you’re carving it up anyway, what’s the big deal?  We bought a decent-sized one for $3 this week at Wal-Mart.  Also, plan on reusing your carving kit for next year; that’s another $4 saved.
• Go trick-or-treating with friends in another neighborhood.  I’m not trying to sound cheap here, but since I made plans to take the kids someplace else during the evening hours, I don’t have to worry about buying candy to give away!  (When you’re really on a shoe-string budget, this helps.)
• Add Halloween fun to things you already eat.  Use food coloring in your muffins, buy the black spaghetti noodles for a clever dinner idea, and roast your pumpkin seeds for a healthy, tasty snack.  (There are lots of ways to do it, but this is the simple recipe I used.)  

What are some other ideas you have?  I hope everyone has a safe and fun Halloween!

Ack!  For about a month now, Lucy has perpetually had her fingers in her mouth.  I trim her nails about every two weeks, but lately there’s been nothing there for me to trim! 

I grew up hearing, “Dawn, stop biting your nails.”  (That, and, “Dawn, stop cracking your knuckles.”)  If you’re like me, that’s like being asked to stop breathing – it’s just a nervous habit!  I still do both of those things, but I’m much better about nailbiting than I used to be.

Now I’m hearing myself say the same things repeatedly: “Lucy, please take your finger out of your mouth.”  Sometimes she obeys, sometimes she doesn’t.  When I catch her doing it in the rear-view mirror, she leans over so I can’t see her, and then keeps doing it.  Oh, that savvy little girl!

 I grew up knowing about a bitter formula that could be put on kids’ nails to deter them from thumbsucking or nailbiting.  Not Tabasco sauce; there’s something different that I’m thinking of.  Anyone know what it is?  I’d rather find out here than pay to ask my doctor this simple question.

How have you dealt with your child’s finger-chewing habits?  Any other strategies I should know about?  Thanks for your help!