The Mom Crowd

The American population is revved up for the elections in a couple weeks and the economy is on everyone’s minds.  While the candidates debate on how to best heal our economy, I thought it would be a good time to discuss our responsibility to ourselves, our families, and to our society to start living within our means.  Our society has  a “have it all-have it NOW” mentality and we are seeing firsthand what happens when individuals in our society and when our own government lives outside of their means.

Other than the good ole’ makin’-a-budget-and-stickin’-to-it plan, there are some small steps you can take to help yourself start living within your means.  Not only can you use these ideas to help yourself to start living within your means, you can incorporate these philosophies into your parenting strategy.  It is important for our children that we set an example of living within our means and that we teach them that they need to live within their own means.

Here are some philosophies we try to live out within our family:

“The Latte Factor”

• My husband discovered this term from one of the financial gurus he reads (I can’t tell you which one this phrase belongs to…).  The basic idea is that it’s the “lattes” that get us in trouble financially.  For some, it is literally the “lattes” (from Starbucks) that are making big dents in their budgets, but for others, “latte” is figurative for other little purchases made throughout the week.  Most people don’t know where their money goes after they get paid and it’s usually these small purchases that is the culprit of this disappearing money.  If you spend $1.18 a day on a diet coke (guilty as charged), that is $36 every month.  I’m not saying you should stop buying your diet cokes each day, however those small dollar purchases can really impact your monthly budget.  My husband is constantly grilling me about “the latte factor” and while it can be irritating at times, I appreciate that we are aware of where our money goes each month because we are paying attention to all of the transactions we are making.
• Parenting Tip: Encourage your children to keep a record of how they spend their allowance.  If you know they are really anxious to buy the new Guitar Hero game, you can help remind them that when they buy bubblegum from the machine, they are delaying their coveted purchase that much longer.

“Do I really need it?” and “Can I afford it?”

• Do you really need 1,000 minutes and unlimited texting on your cell phone?  Do you really need 150 channels on your television?  Do you really need that gym membership that you’re not using?  The answer will be “no” in most of the circumstances you ask yourself “do I really need this?”, however the follow-up question must always be “can I afford it?”  I’m not suggesting you live a life of eating rice and beans every night and I’m not suggesting you get rid of your internet and use the library computer, however if you can’t afford something, you can’t afford it.  There are many fabulous luxuries in our society, however there’s a lot of empty money spent on channels never watched, gyms never visited, and furniture never sat in.  In order to live within your means, you have to be able to tell yourself “no” at times.
• Parenting Tip: Be honest with your children about your family budget and explain to them that if you add an expense, you will have to take away another expense.  Explain to them that in order for your family to increase their cable channels, you will have to have dial up internet.  Allow them to share their thoughts and play a role in your family’s budget.

Keeping up with the Jones’

• Right now, the Jones’ are facing foreclosure because the Jones’ were not wise with their money.  Being the Jones’ may be fun for a while, but it will inevitably catch up to you.  If you are unwise with your money because you are trying to have it all, you will eventually wind up not having anything.
• Parenting Tip: Remind your children that “stuff” is not what is important in this life.  Volunteer as a family at the food bank or homeless shelter.  Expose them to families who do not have very much.  For Christmas, have your children give presents to children who are less fortunate than they are.  Set an example to your children by not complaining about what you don’t have. Being around people who are less fortunate than you are will not only impact your children, but it will impact you and remind you of all of the things you have.

Stinky debt

• There are some debts that I feel can be classified as investments.  School loans, mortgages, etc… can be considered investments, when under control.   Buying a house that you cannot afford or pulling out as much in school loans as you can are not wise investments and can easily put you in a place where you are living outside your means.  However, the stinky debt I am referring to is stinky credit card debts.  If you are using credit cards and not paying them off each month, you are not living within your means.  There’s not much more to say about that, other than stop using your credit cards.  If you can’t get by without using your credit cards, eliminate other expenses in your life (cable, cell phone, move into a smaller apartment, etc…) so you can afford your bills and not be consumed by the credit card monster.
• Parenting Tip: The best gift you can give to your children is your example.  Explain to them how credit card debt works and how interest can consume your monthly payments.  If they ask to borrow money in between their allowances, show them how interest works and charge them interest on that loan.  The main thing is to teach them why credit card debt is so difficult and show them the freedom of a family not living in the chains of debt by not being consumed by it yourself.

Delayed Gratification

• If you want to purchase something that is not a necessity, sleep on it.  A lot of times you will not feel as urgent about purchasing that item the next day.  Another great idea is to have those splurges be a reward for yourself.  Set goals (financial, weight-loss, etc…) for yourself and promise yourself that you can buy that item once your goal is met.  This practice of “delayed gratification” will not only help your wallets, it will also help you to be a more disciplined person in general.  However, if you cannot afford to purchase a non-necessity, then you have to tell yourself to wait until you can afford it.
• Parenting Tip: If there are things your children really want, tell them to add it to their Christmas list or birthday list.  This will not only make these celebrations more exciting, it will also help steer your children away from a “have it all, have it NOW” mentality.  You can also use these items they want as rewards for them.  Buying them whatever they want, whenever they want will not only be bad for your checkbook, your children will never learn how to live within their means or discipline.

These are just a few tips I have for you. What areas do you struggle with living outside of your means?  What steps have you taken to help yourself live within your means?  How are you teaching your children to live within their means?

Last week, our family had several days with no plans.  Pre-school was out due to fall break.  Playgroup fell through.  By Friday, the kids & I were going a bit crazy.  So I did what I don’t normally do: I packed them up for an outing, just the 3 of us.  After about 90 minutes, we were back home, and I said, “That’s why I don’t go out alone with the kids.”  At the time, I felt totally justified in this.  I mean, come on: my kids are 2 & 1.  The park is a big place, the slides are fast & scary, the threat of injuries & falls is ever-present.  I was exhausted chasing them both around.  My daughter walked right into my son’s moving swing and got cold-cocked in the face.  Cue the crying in pain.  Not ten minutes later, she had a major face-plant on the ground when trying to climb into her carseat (big ole bump & bruise to prove it).  More distress followed.  To cheer Lucy up, I took them to the library for fall craft day “for a quick minute”.  It was fun, but difficult, as many of you can attest, to help Lucy use a glue stick with my squirmy son on my lap.  (I gave him what I hope was a non-toxic marker and let him go to town on his hands.)

But after hearing what some of my friends have been up to lately (or reading their Facebook statuses, rather), I realized I am pretty much a lazy wuss.

Enter Sharon, Jenny, and Amy, my three new heroes.  Sharon lives in Israel with her family as missionaries, and she came back to the States for an extended visit while hubby remains overseas in seminary.  Jenny is traveling from San Antonio to Pittsburgh over the course of two weeks, visiting friends, with her two children in tow.  Oh, and she’s pregnant.  Amy is headed to Arizona with her family for a job relocation.  Her fourth child was born just months ago.  When they commented on their amazing itineraries, I had to ask them a few things… just in case I’m ever daring enough to venture out with my children past a five-mile radius.

Let’s start with the basic details: how many kids do you have, what are their ages, and were you traveling with your spouse? 

Sharon: I have two children, ages 4 and 1.  Although we’ve done this flight many times, this was the first one without hubby along to help.  

Jenny: I have two kids, 4 and 1, and one on the way.  No, my husband is not traveling with us on the way up; he’ll actually meet us in eastern PA (where he’s traveling solo for work) and drive home with us.

Amy: I have four children, ages 6, 4, 2 1/2 and 3 months!  Yes, I was with my husband!  (I tried a trip once with the 3 kids while I was pregnant – it was a nightmare!)

How far did you travel/are you traveling? 

Sharon: We traveled over seven THOUSAND miles!

Jenny: We will have driven over 1,700 miles when we meet up with my husband and head back home.

Amy: We are in the middle of driving from Virginia to Arizona (it’s about four days). [Editor's note: Virginia to Arizona is roughly 2,185 miles.]

What was/were the primary mode(s) of transportation?

Sharon: We flew from Israel to Houston (with a stopover in Germany), then drove from Houston to San Antonio.  Lufthansa is awesome by the way; best airline coffee I’ve ever had! 

Jenny: 2001 Honda Odyssey!

Amy: All 6 of us are riding in the comfort of our 2001 Mazda MPV (I’m pretty sure it’s the smallest mini-van out there). 

What were your worries going into this time of travel?  What steps did you take to alleviate your anxiety?

Sharon: My primary concern was keeping the kids occupied on the longer flight (10 1/2 hours in an airplane is a long time!).  I was also worried about my son wandering off in the airport (which he has done before).  So, I drilled into my son the importance of staying next to mommy and helping me take care of his baby sister.  He did beautifully!  And I tried to pack a lot of things to keep the kids entertained.  The airlines provided a pack of cards for my son, so we got to play MANY games of Go Fish.  The baby was a little bit harder.  She basically took a lot of cat naps, and I would take her to the back of the plane to crawl around when she got bored in her seat. 

Jenny: Mostly I was concerned about the kids’ antsiness and impatience during the longer stretches in the car.  So I just really made sure that we had a variety of activities to keep them busy.  We brought crayons, coloring books, dolls, books, cds, and toys.  And when all of that didn’t work, it was time to use the dvd player (and I didn’t feel one bit guilty!).  I also made sure I listened to them, and when it seemed like things were getting to be too much, we took breaks to run around and play. 

Amy: One of my biggest worries was having to travel with sick kids.  That was one reason why my last trip with the kids alone went so badly.  Two weeks before leaving, I made everyone wash their hands 50 times a day, take their vitamins, I prayed daily about it, and I wouldn’t let anyone who seemed sick near them!  Two days before we left, my 4-year old ended up with a fever and a sore throat.  Ugh!  We hit the road while “praying without ceasing” for our sick, whiny little girl.  A few hours into the trip, she perked up and was fine!  Praise God! 

Any close calls or major stress-filled moments?

Sharon: Just exhaustion.  I probably slept about two hours during a 24-hour period.  Oh, and we almost missed our plane in Germany!  Fortunately, that flight was delayed, so we made it without a problem. 

Jenny: It’s always hard to mediate a fight or change a dvd while driving, so there were a few near-misses where I had to swerve back into my own lane!

Amy: None whatsoever, unless you count getting stuck in traffic for 30 minutes in Jackson, MS, while having to pee!  I was seriously thinking about grabbing a diaper! 

What got you through the journey?

Sharon: Knowing that it was temporary. 

Jenny: Knowing that at the end of the trip, I get to see my best friends.

Amy: God did.   Admittedly, we did use the dvd player a few times.  We also had little gifts from a friend to open throughout the day.  Each gift was a little activity the kids could do to occupy them for a short time.  I also brought my manual breast pump so I could bottle-feed the baby in the car.  That way we only had to stop for food and potty breaks. 

Would you do it again?

Sharon: Well, I kind of need to, since I’ll be flying home with them in December.  But, after that… I’m waiting until they’re a little bit older! 

Jenny:  I’m only halfway through, but it’s definitely been worth it.  So that’s a yes.

Amy: Umm, not unless I had to!  It’s tough, but we do bond as a family and it’s great seeing the sights of our great country as we drive to our new home.  Maybe we’ll do it again after we buy our RV - ha ha! 

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So I’ll officially shut up now about how it’s so much work to take the kids to the park or store by myself.   

What are your travel stories?  How have you survived long-distance flights or road trips with young children?  Is the Mazda MPV the smallest mini-van out there?

It’s that time again: the start of school.  For many of us moms, it’s the start of pre-school.  My kids have been in pre-school for about four weeks now (and my mental health is the better for it!)  Lucy is in the 2-year old class, so she brings artwork or little projects home twice a week.  Eli, 1, goes once a week, and doesn’t bring anything home yet.

I love that the kids get to do fun projects at pre-school.  I love seeing how proud Lucy is when she shows me what she did, and listening to her cute voice describe it: “What did you make, Lucy?”  “A col-LAGE!”  Another new word in her ever-expanding vocabulary.

So this is just the beginning.  Soon, artwork is going to start piling up all around us if we don’t have a plan of action for what to do with it.  I’m sure lots of you moms know what I’m talking about.  What happens when there’s no more room on the fridge?

Thanks to ideas I’ve read in various magazines over the past couple of years, I’ve acquired some helpful tips for this issue.  I don’t really take credit for these ideas – except for #1 and #3, which I just thought of as I was writing this post.  I hope this helps you prevent mountains of construction paper from forming in your house & car!

1. Turn your laundry room or spare wall into a gallery.  As I mentioned last week, my house has out-of-date wallpaper.  In our laundry room – a place where I spend a fair amount of time each week, and also the room we walk through to get to the garage – the wallpaper is pretty busy.  So I started taping up the kids’ artwork and projects.  Every day that Lucy brings home something new, she helps me pick out a spot on the wall, and up it goes.  It’s her artwork-central.  She loves it.  I get to appreciate it, and the less of that wallpaper I see, the better.
2. Take pictures of the artwork as it comes in, and save them in a special folder on your computer.   Then the opportunities are endless:  use the pictures for your screensaver, or make a photo year book for each school year!
3. Create a blog just for their artwork.  Give the address to family members and friends so they can comment.  The kids will love the praise on their own special webpage!
4. Mail pieces of artwork to distant relatives.  Not only does this get it out of your house, it gives Grandma a special surprise amid her bills!
5. Keep a special portfolio, box or file for each of your childrens’ work.   At the end of each quarter or semester (or any time you feel is necessary), sit down with your child and the artwork, and do a cleanout.  Have them choose their 5 best pieces, and save them in the portfolio with the dates and their signature.  Then decide what you will do with the rest.  Tell your child that any of options 2-4 are acceptable, but it’s time to make room in the portfolio for new things that come in.  Not only does this whittle down the amount of paper you’ve got at home, it gives your child ownership in what is kept, and even helps develop a critically-thinking mind.
6. Frame your favorite pieces to be hung on the walls.  I saw a picture of this in the latest Real Simple; the decorator created a collage on the wall of framed family pictures and artwork.  It was really cool and colorful.

Surely there are other ideas and tips out there for cherishing the work of each of our little Picassos, Monets, or better yet, Dalis.    What have you done?

I think I have a record player, or should I say cd player, implanted in my brain.  It causes my voice to repeat things over and over.  Does this happen to you too?

I enjoy the tracks where my mouth says things like “I love you”.  Things like “we don’t put pillows over the baby’s head”, not so much. When it comes down to it, sometimes I get so tired of repeating the same things over and over, know what I mean?

Things like:

• Stop whining!
• Get off of your brother; He is asking (okay screaming) for you to stop sitting on him.
• Please follow mommy’s directions.
• Will you please stop leaning on me and sit all the way in your chair (at dinner).
• Trowing a fit will not get you what you want.
• Pick up your toys or they will be taken away the next time I come in here and they aren’t picked up.
• We don’t hit in our house, we use our hands to show love.
• Don’t run away from me!
• If you get up from time-out before the timer goes off there will be further consequences.
• Get in your car seat!
• Why are you out of bed?
• Because I asked you to do ________.
• Go to the potty BEFORE any pee-pee gets in your underwear!

I think I might have said all of those things in one day!  The trick is to say all of these things in a voice that isn’t angry.  And boy does that get hard when I’m tired–or just sick and tired of repeating the same things over annoying behavior.  The truth is that I should not be surprised that my children misbehave and don’t do everything they are supposed to do.  Shocking, I know.  They are kids and they aren’t perfect–just like I am not.  But in all honesty, sometimes I wish that they never misbehaved. I have to remind myself that their mistakes are chances for them to grow in their character (mine too) and opportunities for me to show them that I love them despite their misbehavior or bad choices.

Sometimes when the broken record is playing I have flashbacks into my own childhood when my mom would say some of those same things to me.  So weird.My hope is that on the days where I am repeating all the “behavior correction” tracks that I can squeeze in the tracks that tell them:

• I love you.
• Let’s have some special play time.
• You are important to me.
• I’m so glad you are mine.
• I love how God made you.
• You are significant.

I once heard that for every criticism you tell a child they need to hear 5 positive things about themselves.  That is hard to do some days.  I find it too easy to get into the pattern of just correcting behavior and being nitpicky rather than enjoying the day given to me and cherishing the everyday moments with my child. I mean, if I ask one of my kids to put something away and they want to spin in circles instead of walk on the way to putting it away, does it really matter?  I’m learning how to let some of those things go so I can spend more time loving on my kids and laughing with them.

What phrases do you find yourself saying over and over again?  Is there anything you say now that your parents used to say to you?  And tell me your secret about how you speak kindly to your kids when they are whining about wanting to watch TV for the 150th time that day!

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been playing the album “No!” by They Might Be Giants during mealtimes.  Most lunches, in particular, I’m home alone with the kids, and musical stimulation is necessary for me to not go crazy with boredom.  (The kids are cute & all, but not exactly great conversationalists.)  I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. 

This album came out in 2002 – well before my kid-making days – which explains why I’m late in discovering it.  But what a fun discovery!  There are 17 tracks, but I’ve chosen a few favorites and why we like them.  Scroll down a little further to hear the songs instantly as you read about them!  They are all very short.

“In the Middle” – A cute little ditty that doubles as a public service announcement to tykes who want to cross the street. 

Don’t cross the street in the middle of the block
Use your eyes to look up
Use your ears to hear
Walk up to the corner when the coast is clear, and wait, and wait
Until you see the light turn green

I find myself doing a choreographed jig to this one when I’m making the grilled cheese.  (Yes, I think I can dance.) 

“I Am Not Your Broom” – The most TMBG-like.  In other words, totally random and silly, and not so musical.  Sure to get everyone’s attention.  Last week, it actually came on while I was sweeping.  Lucy stood there processing it all.  It was so funny.

“Bed, Bed Bed” – Its percussion beat had all three of us pounding on the table and dancing in our chairs.  Pull out the pots & pans and watch the family drumline fall into place!

“John Lee Supertaster” – Starts off with a funny spoken intro, and launches into a cool tune that sounds right out of the Ocean’s 11 soundtrack.  It’s perfect for a puppet act, which I’m trying to get my husband (a puppeteer) to put together.  Motown-style background singers and a superhero for a character?  What’s not to love?

“I Am a Grocery Bag” – Like it’s straight off a Beck album.  Ask the kids to list how many items they can recognize in the song.

In the special “Grooves for Mom” category:

“Sleepwalkers” & “Lazyhead &  Sleepybones”

“Where Do They Make Balloons?” (Eli, my 1-year old, busts a move to this one; evidently he likes the mellow stuff.)

And my personal favorite:

“Clap Your Hands” – it’s SO incredibly funky and fun, I dare you not to dance!!  This one has Lucy begging, “Again??!!” over & over.  I feel like I’m in 1960s motown when I hear it.  Air organ playing!!

Listen for yourself!

SeeqPod – Playable Search

Other albums my kids enjoy:

Lisa Loeb & Elizabeth Mitchell – “Catch the Moon”

Rockabye Baby - “Lullaby Renditions of U2″

Do you have these albums?  What other pop favorites of yours have made kids’ albums worth hearing?