The Mom Crowd

My husband and I really enjoy visiting the large Apple Store in my city and so does our daughter. They have really great marketing tactics not just for parents, but for kids too. In the back of the store there is a round table with four computer stations at kid level loaded with children’s games.

We sat Annabelle down in front of the computer just for fun and to our amazement she knew exactly what to do. She banged the keys, moved the mouse and watched the screen to see what would happen. Now when we roll her up to the computers she starts clapping in her stroller.

On one of the visits she played Sesame Street First Steps. I only chose the game from the menu options, because she loves Sesame Street. It turned out that the game is for her skill level and she loved playing it.

We bought the game on our second visit for about $25. I know I could have ordered it online for about six dollars cheaper, but the convenience of the store and buying it instantly outweighed the hassle of ordering online. I also knew that I would rationalize this extravagant purchase and would never have bought it. When we got it in the car we handed Annabelle the box and she said “Tank Too” at least ten times in a row. Even at 17 months she appreciated the gift.

Sesame Street First Steps is for ages 1 1/2 years to 3 years old. Although, I think that any 3 year old and some 2 year olds may be really bored with the game, because it is incredibly simple to play.

There are two types of game formats. One type of game are keyboard activities while the adult moves the mouse and the other games are mouse-only with the adult pressing keys. There are a number of keyboard games to choose from. The keyboard-only games require the child to only hit a key (any key) and the game will do something. Our favorites are Silly Songs and Animals Sounds. The one with Shapes and Colors is a little boring. We have only played the mouse games once or twice. She doesn’t quite get the correlation between the mouse and the screen yet.

Overall, I like the game and I am glad that we got it. One downside is that Annabelle wants to get in my lap any time I use that computer. Also, my desk is not always the cleanest and she grabs everything in sight. I would be sure that you play on a keyboard that you don’t mind getting banged on. We put the game on our oldest computer with a keyboard that can easily be replaced. I wouldn’t want her on my laptop.

I am glad that our 17 month old is learning how to use a computer and enjoy being on one. The game is a fun treat for her to play and it is somewhat educational. I think that a software game for a baby is worth it, if you want to spend your money on a game. Sesame Street First Steps is a good place to start for a little one under the age of two.

*P.S. In case you are curious, that is my mother-in-law playing with Annabelle (not me .

I can’t believe it’s Halloween.  The older I get, the quicker it comes.  I’m no longer a child in a classroom counting down the long October days to the 31st.  I no longer fret over what would be the best costume.  I don’t worry about how many pieces of candy my mom will allow me to eat each day.  Yes, the tables have turned; now it’s my turn to monitor all of this for my kids.  Since they’re still 2 and 1, though, I don’t have to go through the whole Halloween shebang just yet.  This year, our focus has been on having the most budget-friendly holiday.  If you’re like me, you don’t have much extra cash for store-bought costumes or full-sized candy bars to give away.   

Here are some ideas to keep Halloween easy on the wallet: 

• Make your own costume.  Sometimes, the store-bought ones look so cheesy anyway; using clothes from around the house really adds character and originality to a costume.  I remember once I was a princess, and I borrowed a prom dress and jewelry from one of my mom’s friends.  All I needed was the tiara!  Another time, my mom made me a cheerleading outfit and sewed the year I would graduate high school on the sleeve of my sweater.  (I remember thinking, ‘Wow, 1994 will never come!’)  The best homemade costumes, though, have wit.  One year, I made a “sandwich-board” costume out of posterboard to look like a giant Dawn dishwashing soap bottle.  And in eighth grade, my friend Jaimee and I decided to be a giant yellow happy face.  We pulled it off, too.

• Borrow a hand-me-down costume from a friend.  This year, I was fortunate enough to borrow a lion costume for Eli and a giraffe costume for Lucy.  They will even “match” in all of their jungle-ness!  If you already purchased a costume this year, save it and be on the lookout for someone who can put it to good use next year.
• Wait until the last week of October to buy your pumpkins.  True, the selection might be picked over, but if you’re carving it up anyway, what’s the big deal?  We bought a decent-sized one for $3 this week at Wal-Mart.  Also, plan on reusing your carving kit for next year; that’s another $4 saved.
• Go trick-or-treating with friends in another neighborhood.  I’m not trying to sound cheap here, but since I made plans to take the kids someplace else during the evening hours, I don’t have to worry about buying candy to give away!  (When you’re really on a shoe-string budget, this helps.)
• Add Halloween fun to things you already eat.  Use food coloring in your muffins, buy the black spaghetti noodles for a clever dinner idea, and roast your pumpkin seeds for a healthy, tasty snack.  (There are lots of ways to do it, but this is the simple recipe I used.)  

What are some other ideas you have?  I hope everyone has a safe and fun Halloween!

I was talking to a friend not too long ago, who was sharing with me some of her difficulties about being a mom.  She recently had a baby and is probably suffering from some postpartum depression. But not in the way you’d necessarily expect.  She doesn’t sit and cry all day long.  She doesn’t feel depressed.  She feels angry–really angry.  Easily frustrated.  Occasional suicidal thoughts. As she was sharing I had flashbacks from my postpartum days after I had my second baby.  I felt the same things.  Sometimes I would feel so full of rage toward my baby that I understood in those moments why some mothers shake their babies or abuse them. When he would cry and cry I had images of throwing him across the room.  And then I would snap back into reality and feel like the worst mother of the world.  I had suicidal thoughts–I wanted to escape from my reality at the time.  I took most of my anger out on my husband. I remember one day when he walked in the door 3 minutes (that’s right, 3 minutes) late from work and I laid into him like he had been gone all night.  So much for “Hi dear, I’m glad you are home.”   I was so upset that if I had lasers in my eyes I would have burned a hole in his chest.  Something wasn’t quite right in my head to respond so viciously.  I would get so mad for little things and it was hard on our marriage.  I think it was must of been God’s hand on my heart that kept me from doing anything that would harm myself or my children or in some instances, my husband.

We recovered and looking back, I wish I had talked to a professional about how I was feeling.  I might have asked for more help–but at the time I didn’t know WHAT would help. Even when our third baby was younger and he would fight going to sleep, I would feel those feelings of rage and would put him on my shoulder to pat his back.  Sometimes I would pat it hard enough that I could tell that my anger was getting the better part of me and I would slow down and take some deep breaths.

Sometimes postpartum depression masks itself in different ways. I think that mothers are afraid to talk about how angry they sometimes feel toward their children.  No one wants to be the mom who yells at her kids, spanks in anger, shakes her baby, slams doors, feels like she hates her husband.  I think moms feel ashamed if they struggle with these things and don’t want to tell their friends because they are afraid of being judged.  So they struggle alone–maybe they have a faith to fall on–maybe not.  Maybe they suffer alone because they feel like they have to hide their feelings.   If you are out there and reading this, and you too have struggled (or currently are) with postpartum depression that included fierce anger toward your children or your spouse –I just want you to know that you are not alone.  There are others of us out there who have been through it.

Things that might help:

• Make an appointment with a counselor
• Get an appointment to talk with your medical provider (midwife, family doc, ob etc.) and talk about your options
• Talk to a trusted friend about how you are feeling (even if you are not one to share about your deeply personal struggles)
• Talk to a pastor/clergy, Stephen minister, prayer group and have them pray with you
• Ask your friends/family to help.  Yes, it is hard.  But it might make your life a little easier
• Ask your spouse for some regular free time away from the house (even just one or two a week)

How can your friends help?

• Bring a meal
• Come for a play date
• Come and hold your baby while you do chores or cook dinner
• Come and hang out with your baby while you take a nap
• Have someone go out for the “I’m out of bread and milk” grocery run for you
• Watch the baby/kids while you go to your doctor/counseling/clergy appointment

Recently the incredible Mommy Zabs commented on one of our posts and brought up the subject of letting your kids spend the night at other people houses. I thought it was a great topic to discuss, because I know I am going hear my daughter asking to spend the night at her friend’s house one day.

For advice on sleepovers I turned to my sister-in-law, Denise. She has three girls at the ages of 15, 8, and 6. Needless to say, she has plenty of experience with slumber parties and letting her girls spend the night at their friend’s houses.  I did a Q & A with her on the subject:

How old was your first child when they spent the night at a family members house? At a friend’s house?

My daughter was about 1 year old when she spent the night with my parents.  It was easy and painless.  She spent the night at a friends house when she was 3. I got the call in the middle of the night and realized that she was way too young for a sleep over at a friends house.

Do you have any rules in place before you let one of your daughters spend the night at a friends house? Do you have to meet both parents before letting them spend the night? Do you need to have been in their house before that evening?

Absolutely there have to be rules in place before you let your child spend the night at someone’s house.
*It is VERY important that you go to the house BEFORE the night of the sleepover
*You should have spoken to the parents and know who stays at the house

One thing that my husband and I did to help other parents feel comfortable was we would plan the sleepover when he was not going to be home.

Did you have any fears the first night your child spent the night with someone else? If so, how did you handle them?

Yes, I had plenty of fears the first few nights that all of my girls spent the night at other people’s houses. The first way that I handled it was to say a prayer. That helped me to remember that I knew and trusted the people they were staying with. If all else failed I would call and talk with her.

What do you communicate to your child before they spend the night with someone else?

Make sure that they understand that if they feel uncomfortable they can always call you. We also have had the discussion about their bodies being their own and that no one was allowed to touch or see them.  Also, we discussed manners and how they should behave in another persons home.

Do you communicate any rules about bedtimes, foods, or movies with the parents hosting the sleep-over?

Yes, by knowing the parents I feel comfortable communicating what types of movies my daughter can or can not watch. I also have asked before that the junk food be limited.

Have you ever had to tell your child that they could NOT spend the night at someone’s house?

Yes, If I have not gotten to know the parents of the other child I will not let my daughters spend the night.

Do you let your kids go to Slumber Parties?

Yes, but all the rules that I previously stated apply.

Do you host Slumber Parties? What do you do to calm the fears of parents letting their children spend the night with you?

Yes, I host slumber parties. When the girls are under 10 we made sure that my husband was going to be out with friends. Also, when the parents come to drop their child off I always let them come in the house and stay until they feel comfortable. I make sure that the parents know what we are planning. We exchange phone numbers, home and cell.

Finally, do you have any advice for other parents about letting their kids spend the night at a friend’s house?

Use your best judgment. If it feels wrong don’t be afraid to say no. Make sure that you know who your kids are friends with. You can’t know all the other children that your child meets at school but if you talk with them you can get an idea. Invite their friends over for short play dates. By doing this you will be able to meet their parents.

Thank you, Denise, for letting me ask you a few questions!

Have you let your kids spend the night at their friends’ houses? What rules do you have in place?

Trying to get pregnant is so much fun, then you see the two blue lines and something changes. The months of fun are over and the vomiting begins. For some getting pregnant takes the pressure off and they are able to have more fun in the sack afterwards. For others that drive is simply gone and the preggy lady wants nothing to do with it. Feeling nauseated all day and a heightened sense of smell doesn’t help matters. You know, their breath smells bad, when it is probably fine every other time. It is certainly a disappointment for the guy if the latter extreme happens and their months of fun are over for a while.

The first trimester passes and you are feeling better, but now you are fat. At least you feel fat, but your preggy belly only turns him on more. Then you are told not to lay flat on your back, because you may caught off necessary oxygen to the baby. So you get creative, but that means you have to do some of the work and you are tired. And you still aren’t into it. For some reason your brain has turned off that desire and your main focus is getting through the pregnancy. You desire to please your husband and keep him happy, because a physically happy husband makes a very happy husband in every other area of life. (You may not agree with this statement, but I wholeheartedly believe it.)

So what do you do when you don’t want it or you can’t do it because of a high risk pregnancy? There are other ways to show physical affection with hugs and kisses. Spending relaxing alone time together. Communicate to him that you want to want it and that your desire will return. I clearly remember when my desire came back about three months after Annabelle was born. I was ecstatic. I had no idea when my desire for it would return. I was worried that it may not for a long time.

So maybe I wrote this post to only vent my current feelings. After morning sickness this is the worse by product of being pregnant. The first time when my husband and I went through this, he began to resent serving me and was in a rare foul mood. Then one day he figured it out. He wasn’t feeling any love, because I would push him away when he came near me, because I was sick. After he communicated how he felt to me, I made a point to try and pay him more physical attention. Things got a lot better. This second time around we were prepared. My husband knew what to expect and I try to focus on him a little more. It is really easy to get wrapped up in yourself when you are pregnant.

So am I the only one who has felt this way? Did you go to one extreme after you found out that you were pregnant?