The Mom Crowd

Our family cannot leave the house without at least two people wanting to know if my 4 year old and 2 year old are twins.  While my children are separated by 2 years and 3 months, because my oldest has Down syndrome, they are about the same size and are at about the same level in many developmental areas.  My youngest child learned how to walk six months after my firstborn learned how to walk and we have been in “twin mode” ever since.  It’s been exhausting and rewarding all at the same time! There is a constant pursuit among mothers of all races, religions, cultures, and backgrounds to find the magical interval between pregnancies.

“Baby Bunching” seems to be a growing trend among mothers.  “Baby Bunching” is a term two mothers have coined to describe siblings who are less than two years apart.  Linda and Cara have a blog devoted to mothers of “twiblings.”   Their blog contains articles that address the experiences of parenting children who are very close in age.  While my children are a few months out of the spacing requirements of “official baby bunchers,”I can most certainly appreciate the challenges, rewards, and unique chaos that baby bunchers experience due to my children being developmentally very close to each other, even though their chronological age is over two years.

Some of the benefits of having children who are close developmentally I have found is you get the pregnancy and newborn stages over and behind you in one swoop.  Not that I didn’t enjoy my pregnancies, but there are some things I don’t want to do forever!  Another advantage to having “twiblings” is our children play with the same toys and have the same interests.  We never had to hide our older child’s choking hazard toys from our curious crawler.  In our house everyone still naps {or at least goes to their room for an hour for quiet time}.  My firstborn was so easy going, that the transition from one to two children was really easy.  Our first child adjusted so well to her new brother, and I believe that in part is because she was younger.  One of my favorite things about having children close in age is their love for each other.  It is becoming more difficult to distinguish who has the dominant role in their relationship and they have a two sided adoration for each other at a very young age.

Some of the challenges I have found in having children so close in age is the toddler stage is tough all the way around!  Both of my children are constantly going  in separate directions.  If nap time/quiet time gets skipped, I have TWO incredibly angry toddlers who I cannot yet bribe with McDonalds.  I have to do everything twice, many times each day…change two diapers, make sure two children make it safely up and down the stairs, clean up two messes of everything, work on potty training with two children at a time, etc… I pray to God imagine that the toddler stage is probably one of the hardest in baby bunching.  There are moments when I daydream about adopting a seven year old girl to help me with my little “twiblings!”  It may be an illusion, but it seems like my friends who have spaced their children a few years apart have an easier time doing simple things like grocery shop and go on trips to the park.  However, it may just be my cynacism that has evolved from having two toddlers.

What are some other opinions on child spacing?

• Dr. Sears said it best when he said, “There is seldom the ideal time for a child. If we always waited for ‘the perfect time’ to have a child, we would probably have two instead of eight.”  He recommends spacing them two or three years apart if you have a baby who is a high needs baby in an effort to avoid parent burn out and to give parents more energy to devote to that more demanding child.  However, if you have an easy infant, spacing them very close in age typically works great, according to Dr. Sears!
• The New England Journal of Medicine believes that spacing children 18-23 months has the healthiest outcomes for both mom and baby.  Low birthweight, prematurity, and small sized babies are higher risks in children spaced less than 18 months and more than 23 months apart.
• Some argue that having children three years apart is the magical child spacing number.  They say that the older child is old enough to understand more about their new sibling’s arrival, yet they are close enough in age to grow up playing together.

While it’s fun to weigh pros and cons of different child spacing philosophies, I think this is such a personal decision for each family and what works for some families doesn’t always work for all families.  Also, there are outside factors parents should consider before choosing to have another child; most importantly, the health of their relationship with one another.

What do you think is the magic child spacing age difference?  What have you liked about the spacing between your children?  What has been challenging about their age differences?

I sometimes want to wear a shirt that says, “I am due St. Patrick’s Day, I don’t know the gender, and I feel fine!” I get asked those three questions to those answers all the time. Many people ask me “Do you know what your are having?” In fact we did not find out the gender of our first baby and we have not found out the gender of our second one either. Everyone has their own reasons for revealing the gender in the Ultrasound Room or the Delivery Room. Here are a few reasons why we chose to wait. (I would love to hear your reasons for finding out before the baby comes in comments!)

• A fear that the sonogram results would be wrong. I didn’t want to have to return a bunch of items or paint the nursery the wrong color.  (This can be a real fear, check the Barefoot Foodie’s recent post for proof!)

• For practicality – I like that my nursery and newborn clothes are gender neutral, so I can re-use everything for the second child.  Also, because people didn’t know what we were having we received gift cards and diapers instead of dresses and outfits.

• Labor and delivery was more exciting, because we didn’t know what we were having. It was also more exciting to share the baby news, because they didn’t know either.

• The fear of disappointment if the sonogram was wrong and that it would somehow affect my baby’s spirit. For my first pregnancy I felt like my instincts were telling me that I was having a boy and out came this baby girl. I think my disappointment lasted about 3 seconds and my daughter hasn’t been affected by my preggy thoughts of a boy.

• Part of the fun was making others wait. It tortured my mother. She was constantly telling me “Surely, you can see on the sonogram. The Tech knew.” Others would accuse of us knowing and not telling anyone. My husband and I can’t keep a secret. If we knew, everyone else would definitely know.

Waiting to find out the gender worked out well for us. After my daughter came into the world, the pink and purple just flowed in from family and friends. We were glad we waited and we are super excited to find out if our daughter has a brother or sister in about 9 weeks.

Did you find out the gender of your baby? Did you have any fears that the sonogram would be wrong? Was it your spouse that couldn’t wait to find out? 

For her second birthday, my daughter Lucy received a video: Bear In the Big Blue House, and it was all about potty training.  Over & over we’d watch it, and I had all the suggestions and songs memorized.  11 months ago, that marked the start of potty training in our house.  Looking back, I can see that while it may have taught Lucy a thing or two, it was probably a little soon.  She saw the video as entertainment and showed no signs of being ready for a potty.

Every now & then over the past year, she’d sit on her little potty, but only sporadically would she go.  There were times I thought she was ready, only to find out it was a little phase of interest.  She was still filling up diapers on a regular basis and never talked about the potty.  We incorporated all kinds of incentives, like stickers and candy.  Still, she would never initiate the process.  It took all kinds of urging.

To my relief, about a month ago, Lucy started telling us that she wanted to go.  This was a huge turning point.  At Christmas, when my mom was visiting, I said, “Oh, it’s going to be so much work.”  I was referring to the dozens of times we’d be in the bathroom each day, going through the whole routine, washing our hands.  My mom said, “It’ll be hard at first.  Then it’ll start to get easier.”  Between Christmas and New Year’s, I had a whole week at home with Lucy, so I knew it was time to get it done.  No more excuses. 

Here’s what I did/do.  I went by gut instinct and read no books or blogs on this matter (I’m lazy that way.):

• I removed all of Lucy’s diapers.  I figured, if they’re not there, we won’t use them.  Time for underwear all the time at home.  Pull-ups for naptime, bedtime, and for away trips.
• I remind Lucy to use the potty about every 15-30 minutes.  Some people set timers for this.  I tried that, but it wasn’t necessary.  I’m a good nag.  If she hesitates, I’ll remind her of a sticker or candy (or both) as a reward.  Sometimes that works.  Sometimes it doesn’t.  Sometimes she is willing to go.  Sometimes she isn’t.  The more I nag, the less interested she becomes.  So I try to remind her in moderation.
• I repeat the same phrases so they became a part of her vocabulary.  “I have to go potty.”  “Keeping my undies dry – that is the goal.”  “Now is a time to hold it.” “Only babies go pee-pee in the car.” “I’m so proud!”  “I did it!”  I sing songs about these things before, during, and after.  She sings them too.
• One time, I knew she had to go, but I didn’t say anything.  I just shut up and watched her.  About a minute later, she got up by herself, didn’t say anything, and went to the bathroom.  Once, she left the room to take care of her business in the middle of watching a video, which was shocking to me.  Success!!
• I use anything as an incentive now.  If she brings me a book to read, I’ll say, “I’ll read this to you right after you use the potty.”  If she asks for a cup of milk, I’ll say, “Go on the potty and you can have some milk right after.”  Done.  She’s peeing.
• I remind her to brag about her accomplishments to everyone who’ll listen: Daddy, her pre-school teacher, her friends, my friends, etc.  This garners so much praise for her that she stays motivated.  A couple of days ago, for example, she went 3 times at her friend’s house during playgroup, twice self-initiated.
• I emphasize how much better underwear feels than a diaper.

The challenge for us now is transitioning to full-time potty usage at other places.  We’ve got it down at home pretty great – what about car trips, visits to church or friends’ homes, and pre-school? (Not to mention overnight!)  I’ll be trial-and-erroring it in all those situations.  Little by little, she’s making up her mind that underwear is better than diapers/pull-ups.  I can see that we’re almost there – and I’ll be so relieved when it’s behind us.

I’ll close with a song from the aforementioned video:

I realize that there is a lot of information available about potty-training, and I just wanted to share a bit of our story today.  What are your potty-training success stories?  Is this the worst part of raising toddlers (it ranks down there for me, because of the energy it requires)?  Any tips or suggestions for the transition to staying dry everywhere? 

All the moms I know love it when their babies nap. When babies get out of that newborn stage where they sleep anywhere and everywhere sometimes napping gets a little more challenging. Once the baby is a few months old and mommy has to go back to work, take care of other kids at home, actually get some cleaning and laundry done….you know what I am saying– it is wonderful when the baby sleeps for a good long chunk during the day so some of those things can get done. It is so relieving for many moms when babies learn to nap in their bed, on the floor, in a stroller, in a car seat…..point being when the baby doesn’t have to be held every time he needs to sleep. Some babies just don’t transition from that newborn “I’m going to be such a laid back, easy sleeping baby” to napping on their own very well.

Have you ever rocked and rocked your baby to sleep only to have him wake up 20 minutes after you lay him down? Do you get stressed out if your baby fusses or cries before falling asleep? Would you prefer to help your baby nap well without letting him cry? Do you wonder why your baby can only sleep for 45 minutes during a nap? Have you ever wondered when your baby needs to drop a nap? Will your baby only go to sleep if you nurse him to sleep? Does your baby/toddler have a hard time napping in general? Do you struggle with having a consistent bedtime/naptime routine? Do you wonder how much sleep your baby/toddler/preschooler needs over a 24 hour period? Do you feel like you’ve tried everything and you still need help getting your child to nap?

If you answered YES to any (or all!) of these questions, then you will probably enjoy The No-Cry Nap Solution. Especially if you are fond of gentle, gradual change that includes as little crying from the baby as possible. I found this book very easy to read and it truly did address many problems that parents face when it comes to children and napping. Elizabeth Pantley offers several step-by-step guides in her book and is very gentle in her approach to getting children into a good napping routine. Her approach is compassionate and also practical.

When I got the book in the mail, I first skimmed it to see what she had to say about situations that I am currently facing with 2 of my children. My youngest (16 months) still takes 2 naps a day and I am ready for him to go down to one. I wanted to see what she had to say about dropping the morning nap. She has a list of criteria to help you determine if your baby still needs 2 naps. After reading her list (very helpful!), I determined that Graham isn’t ready to drop his morning nap. Then I skimmed the chapter on how to know if your child is ready to drop naps all together. Again, very helpful–and she had a GREAT section on how to create a good “hush hour” for your non-napping children. She had some sample daily sleep/nap/activity schedules to help guide you as you create healthy sleep routines for your kids. Again, very helpful.

Then I read the book from the beginning. She covers why naps are vital for a child’s development (and a parent’s sanity), she has a nap plan worksheet to help you decide what steps to take next, and is very encouraging to keep trying while figuring it all out. This book is a good choice to read even for parents who want to help prevent sleep problems with their newborn baby. She offers several suggestions for parents to start practicing right from the beginning.

I have been a big fan of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, since I read it 5 years ago. I found that The No Cry Nap Solution has very similar theories and ideas as Healthy Sleep Habits. The No Cry Nap Solution is much more practical and easy to read than Healthy Sleep Habits. For parents who tend to have more of an “attachment parenting” style I think The No Cry Nap Solution is a GREAT choice. Even parents who are in more of the “BabyWise” or “don’t mind if your babies learn how to soothe themselves to sleep” camp will appreciate all the suggestions and information the book offers. I found that Pantley is more comfortable with allowing a baby to nap in a swing, stroller, bouncy seat, car ride (motion sleep) than I am. In the early newborn stage when babies fall asleep so easily, motion sleep makes sense because that is what babies are used to. I found from my own experience that swing naps or car naps were not as restorative as when my kids slept in their own beds. Pantley is much more gradual in her approach (than I have been) to getting kids to sleep in their beds rather than a swing or moving stroller during naptime. To Pantley’s credit, she does have a clear plan/outline for parents on how to switch from a motion nap to a motionless nap. It just takes longer than the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child way.

I enjoyed reading this book and give it a thumb’s up review. If you have read any of Elizabeth Pantley’s other books and enjoyed them, then no doubt you will enjoy this one as well.

For discussion: What nap problems are you dealing with right now? Let’s comiserate together!

UPDATE: 

Julie Vallesse says not expect a crack-down on Feb. 10th. Also, more about exemptions on Bloomberg.com. 

Baby Cheapskate has a new article stating that CPSC is hearing all the calls and emails and may be reconsidering the affect on consignment shops and yard sales.

I received this Thursday morning from San Antonio Fox News Anchorwoman, Bianca Vanezuela – ” Looks like legislators are taking note. Check out yesterdays LA Times. Local Goodwill says they arent to worried. Nationally they are working closely with the powers that be and believe changes will be made before February
10th. I’ll keep you posted.
Bianca”

Here is a link to the most recent LA Times article:
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-lead7-2009jan07,0,6917858.story

———————–

If you haven’t heard yet Congress passed the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (CPSIA) that will go into effect on February 10th of this year. Retailers, toymakers, thrift stores, yard sales, hand made toy producers and consumers of used clothes and toys will all be affected. Some are even calling Feb. 10th National Bankruptcy Day, because of the severe impact they believe the law will have on the economy.

What You Need to Know

The CPSIA limits the amount of lead and phthalates in toys, mandates third-party testing and certification for all toys and requires toy makers to permanently label each toy with a date and batch number. (Handmade Toy Alliance)

The lead paint limit is currently 600 ppm for children’s products. It will be lowered to 90 ppm on August 14, 2009. (CPSC Requirements)

The CPSIA was created in response to the enormous number of product recalls every year and the inability for the Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC) to properly prevent dangerous toys from being imported and sold.

Up until October of 2007 the CPSC had already issued 544,000 product recalls due to high amounts of lead.

The law says that a “children’s product” means a consumer product designed or intended primarily for children 12 years of age or younger. This includes clothes, toys, children’s books, cassettes, CD’s, printed game boards, posters, and other printed goods for used children’s education.  It also applies to some furniture “Furniture articles include, but are not limited to beds, bookcases, chairs, chests, tables, dressers, desks, pianos, console televisions, and sofas.”

How Does This Affect You?

The cost of children’s goods will rise, because manufacturers will have to pay for expensive third party testing. The cost will be passed along to the consumer.  (HTA)

Small businesses and handmade items may go out of business, because they can not pay for the third party testing. Etsy shop owners may go out of business.

Items that have not been tested by Feb. 10th may be considered hazardous and will not be available to resale and thrift stores may have to clear out their inventory if each item can not be tested by Feb. 10th. Goodwill and shops like Kid to Kid may be forced to shut down!

You may not be able to resell children’s items through yard sales, Craigslist, or Ebay unless the items have been tested for lead.

The official US Consumer Product Safety Commission’s website about the CPSIA does not list the penalties for breaking the law.  The Consumer’s Union says the civil penalty caps have been raised from $5,000 to $100,000 per individual violation, and from $1,250,000 to $15,000,000 for aggregate violations.

What is Going on Now With the Law?

Congress passed the CPSIA in July 2008 and signed by the President on August 14, 2008.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission enforces the law. They met on Monday of this week and determined that certain natural fibers like wool will be exempted.

The CPSC is still considering finding an exemption for Resale, Thrift and Consignment Shops according to the Minneapolis-St.Paul NBC affiliate.

According to the timeline for the CPSC not every thing has been finalized yet.

Senator Hatch says that lawmakers can still alter the regulations and make exemptions, “The CPSIA was not intended to harm the kinds of small businesses for which you are concerned. It is apparent, however, that the regulations may need to be altered to make exemptions for certain categories of products and businesses.”

Let Your Voice Be Heard!

Against:

Write Your Senators and Your Representative

Write to the CPSC

Vote on Change.Org

Sign a Petition

Join the Facebook group – Help Save Toys from the CPSIA

Become a Fan on Facebook

Join the Twitter group: Twittergroup #CPSIA

Take this survey about the economic impact of the regulations

Contact Your Local News Media Outlets

Share about the law on your blogs

For:

Visit the Consumer’s Union of the United States website.

Keep Up With the Latest Updates

Fashion – Incubator Forum

CPSIA Central on Ning

Homemade Toy Alliance Facebook group
What have you heard about the CPSIA? Do you agree with the law? Is it too soon to tell what is going to happen on Feb. 10th?