The Mom Crowd

It is a parent’s worst nightmare. I packed up my just turned 2 year old daughter and 3 month old baby boy last week to go on a play date with other moms and their children at a pool. The neighborhood pool had a baby pool that was 1 to 1.5 feet deep. My baby boy was asleep in his car seat and I was tending to my daughter in the baby pool. She was loving it and having a great time. I felt my face burning and realized that I hadn’t put sunscreen on my face. My daughter seemed fine with the other kids and there were 2 moms sitting on the edge with their feet in the pool. I got out to put sunscreen on my face.

As I was applying the lotion I looked up and saw my daughter floundering horizontally in the water. She had fallen over and couldn’t stand up to get air. I yelled “Annabelle!” and immediately ran into the water. In that split second I saw her little body trying to turn over and get her face above the water. You could see the instinct to survive in that little action. I immediately swooped her up in my arms and pat her back. I don’t think I took a breath until I heard her breathe. Thankfully, she didn’t require CPR and I had caught her in time. Of course, it is hard to stop your mind from wondering what would have happened had she didn’t make it. I know she is the Lord’s and He can take her whenever He wants, but I realized how much I loved her and would miss her if something happened to her.

Needless to say, we were a little shaken up. She was afraid to go back in the water for a little while after that. I felt like if I didn’t take her back in the pool that day, then she might stay afraid of pools. We slowly worked from the seat to the middle of the pool. I don’t think I let my eye (or even a hand) go off of her after that.

This incident reminded me that she can’t swim. Also, maybe I can’t handle going to the pool with both kids by myself, even with other moms around. At least for my own sanity I am going to keep pool visits this Summer without my husband to a minimum. I am planning to stick more with our backyard blow up pool. There are some safety precautions I could have taken first:

1. Don’t over estimate my toddler’s physical ability. I forget how much my little girl can’t do. She just learned how to jump up and down when she turned 2. I am thankful for things she can do, but I need to remember that she just doesn’t have the physical ability to do some things.

2. Wear floaties or a life vest. I have now realized why floaties are important! When we to the beach we borrowed a swimsuit that had a life vest inside the body suit. She looked a little silly, but I didn’t care. I love her enough to save her life!

3. Consider the depth of the water in the pool. The water in the baby pool came up to my daughter’s stomach and chest. My plan is to keep her in more shallow water when she is on her own in the future. We will go in deeper water too, but only when holding on to her.

4. Know CPR or at least refresh yourself. I have an idea of what to do if I need to do, but I am not sure if I really know it in case of an emergency. McKenna wrote a really good post about learning CPR here.

5. Teach my child how to float on her back. I hadn’t even thought of teaching Annabelle how to float yet, but I would like to begin working on it with her now. Here is a good video about how to teach your kid to float. It is practical and easy to follow.

I think my story may be common. Have you had a similar experience? Do you have any reservations about taking your toddler to a pool? Have you taught your toddler how to float?

Recently we were contacted by a reader who is in a difficult situation with her shy daughter.  This mom said:

I have a 7 year old girl who is very shy, and she has made a friend this year who is very mean to her.  I try and discourage her from playing with this child, but she says she has no other friends to play with.  This other child is in my Brownie troop, and I have seen the mean behavior.  I have talked to the child but it does no good; she make excuses for why she is mean.  For example:   my daughter ran up to this child to say hello, the child ran away and said “I don’t want to play with you, give me my space.”  I told my daughter to give her her space.  The mother called a couple days later and asked to have my daughter over to play.  When she brought my daughter home she told me how the children were fighting the whole time.  Come to find out, she (the little girl)  was not being nice to my child.  She asked to call me to pick her up, but instead the mother took them out for ice cream…  This can go on and on how this child one day is somewhat nice and the other, downright cruel.  Every day my daughter comes home upset and sad.  I have now refused to have the child play with mine, and my daughter is upset that she cannot play with her.  How to I deal with my child’s feelings altogether???  I wish she was not as shy as she is.   How can I help her?

Oh, this is a toughie.  It is always hard for a parent to see their child(ren) suffer in social situations.  Having taught middle school for several years, I recall seeing unhealthy relational dynamics take their toll on young people time and time again.  I don’t know that I have the solution – but I do have opinions.  Here we go:

• The mean girl, whom I’ll call Dena, seems to enjoy the power trip that having a shy friend gives her.  It appears that she has taken that power too far on a regular basis by lashing out at your daughter, whom I’ll call Sally.  Dena might have a tough time keeping friends, and Sally’s dependence on her gives her more control.  Dena and Sally have an unhealthy friendship.
• If Sally is as shy as you have indicated, she probably hasn’t had that much experience with different friendships.  Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, but they are all usually founded on a mutual respect and enjoyment of the other person.
• It is possible Sally does not want to admit that Dena is a bad friend.  She might be so desperate to keep her for a friend that she’s willing to sacrifice her happiness on a daily basis just to keep this friendship alive.  Does Sally realize that she could do better?
• Shy people tend to keep their true feelings to themselves.  Sally’s submissive nature probably doesn’t help her stand up for herself.  She might even be drawn to Dena’s personality because Dena makes doing things easier: someone is calling the shots for her.  This happens in a lot of relationships: there are leaders, and there are followers.

If I was Sally’s mother, I’d do exactly what you did, and stop having the two play together.  It would be hard at first, but Sally will eventually get over it and find somone else to bond with.  If you are providing enough opportunities for Sally to make new friendships, she should be able to make a new buddy with a little effort.  This is the time of year when Vacation Bible Schools abound in most cities, where children are grouped by grade level and spend five days together doing the same activities.  If that is not a possibility, I would recommend playgroups, clubs, story times, swimming lessons, or anything else that would allow Sally to spend time with other children her age.  As for the Brownie meetings, I’d work to keep the two girls separated as much as possible without drawing too much attention to it.

This is a teachable time for you and Sally.  It is a good opportunity for you to remind her what kinds of qualities we need in a good friend – and that even though she deals with a little initial shyness, she can still choose to spend time with kind children.  Befriending a bully just because one is available is not Sally’s only option.  It is important for your daughter to wrap her head around this idea now, so her future friendships will be healthier.

Next week, I will post about shyness in general, what it is (and isn’t), and how we can help our shy children thrive in social situations.

Hey, Mom Crowd!  Do you have any other input or advice for Sally’s mom?  How do you handle it when your child is routinely upset by his/her friends?

I recently learned that car seats have an expiration date.  I was very surprised to learn this and don’t think I’m the only one who was unaware about car seats expiring.

Car seats deteriorate over time due to heat and general use.  Just as a piece of plastic will become significantly weaker, the more it is handled, exposed to heat, and bent, the plastic on car seats is no different.  Manufactures of car seats now supply consumers with an expiration date to protect children from being in a car seat which is not safe.  Another reason for car seat expiration is the evolution of technology.  Car seats become safer and safer with each new product that is made.  So while your car seat may be the safest there is, in five years it may be weaker than most other car seats.

The car seat expiration date was very hard to find on my car seats.  You can check them online if you cannot find it on the carseat.  If you have a car seat that has expired, it is advised to destroy the car seat so that no one will use it.  This includes cutting the straps and even the plastic so someone won’t try to repair it.

Here is a video which demonstrates what can happen if your child is riding in a car seat which has expired:

Car seat expiration dates fall in a broader category of car seat safety.  Safe car seat practice means you have had your car seat inspected by a certified car seat inspector.  They will check the safety of your seat, whether it is appropriate for your child’s height and weight, teach you how to properly buckle them in, and make sure it is installed in your car correctly.  If you would like to learn more about car seat safety or find a car seat inspector near you, go to this website.

Did you know that car seats expired? Have you had your car seat installation checked by a car seat inspector?

Let’s chat about mom topics on TV! We need more mom programs on TV that are informative and helpful, instead of exploiting crazy mothers. This Canadian import on We TV on Friday mornings fits the bill. The Mom Show is hosted by two moms, Catherine Marion and Laurie Gelman. Catherine is Canadian TV personality and is a mom of 3 boys and 1 girl.  Laurie has 2 girls and is the wife of Michael Gelman the Executive Producer of Live with Regis & Kelly. The show opens with some chatting in the kitchen, has guests, filmed segments about various topics such as parenting and designing your home, and a panel discussion.

Once you get past the incredibly cheesy opening of mothers who are dancing,  the fast talking, and the odd daycare/home set, the show does have some helpful information. I was really confused why there were kids in another room and who exactly it was that was watching them. Apparently it is Nanny Robina Uddin who is watching them and later she shares about how to teach your kids moderation. The kids are the children of the panel of moms that will appear later in the show. While filming the panel discussion the mothers start without their kids in their lap and then the kids appear with their moms after a commercial break. As you can tell I was quite distracted by this, but it seemed so true to life! I loved how one mom held her newborn throughout the discussion.

The two hosts invited 3 moms and family expert Dr. Karyn Gordonis to discuss the difference between raising boys and girls. This was my favorite part of the show, because I enjoyed hearing each mother’s experience. The discussion even went down a rabbit trail about teaching your kids about finances. Laurie did a good job of asking good questions like “What do you hope your daughter learns from you?” and “Are you raising your kids how you were raised?” Dr. Gordonis pointed out how we either copy how or parents raised us or we do the complete opposite. There was no concrete point made during the discussion. It is what just that – a discussion.

The beginning of the show included 2 segments. The first segment was called “Baby Diaries” and showcased a family and how their 2 year daughter is getting along with her 3 month old sister. It did feel like a one big long Johnson’s sponsored ad (the show is sponsored by Johnson’s), but I still liked it because that is exactly where I am at. I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. Also, in the clip they show the mother breastfeeding! (You really don’t see any boob.) Hooray for breastfeeding on TV portrayed in a normal light.

In another segment one mom gets an entry way makeover. The mother had an accent while speaking English and they subtitled her. Really, you could understand her and the subtitles were a little offensive. The room was nice, though.

Finally, the show ended with Brenda Bornstein from Arm & Hammer showing different ways to clean with baking soda. I picked up a tip or two on how to use this cheap cleaner! It was nice to see the visual of how-to’s.

After only seeing one episode I am definitely interested to see a few more episodes, before I make up my mind completely. I do think that if we want to see more good mom-centric shows on television then we should support this pioneer!

Have you seen the show? What do you think?

I wasn’t feeling very well last night, so it was out of sheer curiosity that I tuned into the premiere of “16 and Pregnant” on MTV.  I’m a mom, I like various reality tv shows, and there sure are a lot about moms these days.  (Did anyone catch the premiere of “Raising Sextuplets“, also on last night?  I thought about it, but decided it was already being done by, oh, I don’t know, another family in America.  Plus twins!)

As a mother who had her first child at age 29, “16 and Pregnant” was pretty tough to take.  The first episode focused on Maci and Ryan, high school students who like motorbikes, tattoos, and multiple piercings.  They also like each other, or did, enough to get pregnant and engaged.  The episode took us on their journey from 32 weeks pregnant to their baby being about 4 months old.   Since the birth occurred just 25 minutes into the show, it focused a little more on the reality of parenting a newborn than it did the pregnancy.

Their story is told through the eyes of Maci, who narrates throughout (sounding like a girl reading a school assignment in front of the class).  During the pregnancy, she seems optimistic and excited about the direction her life has taken, bragging to her peers about her apartment and new couch.  She and Ryan are evidently taken care of very well (financially) by their generous and enabling parents.  The baby’s room was filled with rock & roll onesies and personalized pacifiers.  Maci’s parents even bought the baby a little motorbike for him to grow into in the future.  (Not exactly a helpful baby shower gift for any new mother, but whatever.)  It was clear that Maci thought she and Ryan and their baby would be a happy little family.

Meanwhile, Ryan is nearly speechless all the time and flummoxed about his impending responsibilities as a husband and father.  The more Maci presses him for enthusiasm, the more he shuts down.  “Ryan’s attitude sucks,” Maci complained.  Indeed.  But he’s also acting his age.  She seems to think that because she saved her pennies to buy a couch, she’s ready to be an adult.

While transferring to an accelerated high school so she could graduate sooner (she is, after all, a self-described “overachiever”), she becomes a little celebrity for her baby bump.  I cringed at this part; the students crowded around her like she was Ellen Page in the flesh, and Maci loved the attention.  It was in this brief scene that there was any discussion at all about why she decided to have the baby.  Her reason: “May as well make the best of it.”  I half-expected her to say, “It’s what that girl did in ‘The Secret Life of the American Teenager’, that’s why!”

At 38 weeks, Maci, Ryan, and their parents inexplicably go four-wheeling in the woods.  I just couldn’t believe my eyes.  It could have just been the editing, but right after that, Maci went into labor for 30 hours.

My heart melted for the baby boy.  They named him Bentley.  And he was precious.  Maci & Ryan would squabble about who would change him or feed him or comfort him, and for the rest of the episode, I kept thinking, “Give me that baby, I’ll hold him!!”  Maci stepped up and took her mom responsibilities seriously, even though she’d pepper her conversations with complaints like, “Bentley! You’re ruining [my graduation robe]!”  or “He’s cranky in the mornings, and it gets on my nerves.”  (At least she’s honest.)  For awhile, she deluded herself into thinking she could raise the child, care for an inattentive teenage fiance, take classes in college, and go to dance classes twice a week.  Later, she dropped dance.  As far as I can tell, she is still taking university courses and making the most of her mom’s free babysitting.  Ryan, meanwhile, does nothing other than work, work out, and hang out with his buddies at the bowling alley.

In the end, Ryan admitted he hated coming home to Maci, and didn’t want to be together.  She cried, and I didn’t blame her; she has the weight of the world on her young shoulders.  And as I watched their tale come to a close, Ryan ignoring his worries by getting another tattoo the size of his right ribcage, all I could think was, “THIS is why you don’t have sex when you’re an unmarried teenager.”  They’ll grow up, Maci & Ryan, but I worry for their son, an innocent little life who needs a lot of love.  I am glad this show did not romanticize teenage pregnancy but emphasize the magnitude of its responsibility.

Did you see “16 and Pregnant”?  Would you show this to your pre-teen and teenage children as a cautionary tale? 

Photo courtesy paulbence