The Mom Crowd

My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.  Your anger can never make things right in God’s sight. James 1: 19-20

Those who control their tongue will have a long life; a quick retort can ruin everything. Proverbs 13:3

One of my unpleasant habits is that I am an interrupter.  Not all of the time, but sometimes.  I might be in the middle of an exciting conversation with a good friend, and we’re both mutually interrupting.  I think that’s just fine.  However, most of my interruptions occur when I’m arguing with my husband.  When all is right with the world, it is easy for me to patiently keep my mouth closed while others are talking.  But when tensions are running high and my patience is on vacation, my mouth always gets the best of me.  In addition, I tend to rattle off all kinds of sentences in quick succession when I am feeling nervous.

As moms, moms-to-be, wives, friends, children, and siblings, we can take away valuable lessons from both verses above.  First, speaking quickly can get us into trouble.  Both verses urge us to slow down in conversations – to look the other person in the eye, hear their voice, appreciate what they are trying to say.  Maybe even wait a few seconds before responding to a question.  It can be difficult to practice this type of deliberate thoughtfulness, but it yields great results!

Think of it this way: when we hear from someone via e-mail and need to reply, we don’t often send the first draft back immediately.  We delete, correct ourselves, omit things that might be misconstrued, etc.  We might even save the response in the Drafts folder and go back to it later, giving the words time to settle.  Do you ever wish your face-to-face conversations could have that feature?  Most of the time, our tongues are on autopilot.

Another thing I notice in these verses is that the consequences of a quick tongue are pretty dire!  “Can never make things right in God’s sight”:  ouch!  “Can ruin everything”: sucky!  The damage of a hurtful mouth can be severe, causing pain to exist between ourselves and others for who knows how long.  Of course, forgiveness and grace go a long way in repairing what has been broken.  But scripture tells us we can prevent the damage to begin with: “Those who control their tongue”.  This means our tongues do not control us!  We are not victims to what our mouths say.

I encourage you to ponder the control of your tongue this week.  Catch yourself when you go on autopilot and remind yourself to listen first.   I wonder what damage we will have prevented by taking control of our mouths!

Lord, forgive us for our quick retorts.  Replace our hurtful words with godly silence, and help us love others by listening more.  Amen.

Have a great week, Mom Crowd!

I am incredibly protective of my children’s bedtime, but I don’t watch my own bed time at all. I have not gotten a good full night’s sleep in over six months. My breastfeeding 6-month-old boy is still waking up 2 to 3 times a night to nurse. Before that I was hugely pregnant and didn’t sleep well with all that kicking and heartburn. Sometimes I really believe that it is God’s grace that keeps me going. Many nights I only sleep about 6 hours.

It is incredibly tempting to stay up late after the kids go to bed. This is my time. I can  watch what I want on television, hang with my husband, get online without interruptions, read, clean or go out with friends. I LOVE the night time!

I have also recently started training for a marathon. I have to get up around 6:15 a.m. and get my miles done first thing in the morning, because of the hot weather and our family’s schedule. My husband takes care of the kids when they wake up, but I still need to get back quickly. My baby boy needs to nurse and my husband has to get to work when I get back. I try to get bed early the night before a long run, but even then I find myself staying up reading a book.

I know I need more sleep, but I don’t do anything about it. I love that I get to stay at home with my kids and can move slowly in the morning if I need to. Somehow I recover the next day. I get dressed and get done what I need to do without complaining. I am the one who chose not to go to sleep. My son goes to sleep at 7:00 p.m. So even though he still wake up 3 times a night, I have no excuse not to get to bed at a decent hour.

Perhaps I can just function on little sleep. I think a lot of moms do. The amount of sleep I get is something I have been thinking about this week. What do you think? Can you function on little sleep? Do you notice a difference in your attitude if you do get better sleep? How much sleep do you really need to function well the next day?

At our son’s 4 year old check-up in June, our pediatrician dropped a bombshell on us… “he’s obese”.  How on earth could this perfectly healthy child with easily viewable ribs be obese?  Our pediatrician suggested that we see a nutritionist and get the situation “under control”.  We walked out of the appointment baffled by the thought of our thin child being obese.   

After talking to other friends who use the same pediatrician, I found that this was almost a common diagnosis.  We compared our children and all agreed that they look healthy.  Not too thin, not too thick… just right.  (And truthfully, we are the kind of friends who would say if things appeared differently!)  I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how this diagnosis could apply to these kids.  They were healthy, active kids! 

Then it dawned on me… Body Mass Index (BMI), the way in which obesity is measured, measures height to weight proportions.  It does not take into account muscle mass.  While most children aren’t teeming with bulging muscles, they can have significant muscle mass.  I take this to be a huge flaw in the overall diagnosing process.  BMI also does not take into account a growth spurt.  Some children gain weight and then grow in height and even out.   

Of course, we have taken steps to try and reduce Andrew’s overall weight, as with his diabetes he is more prone to developing other life-threatening conditions later in life, but now we are just amazed at how thin he looks. 

And then there is the flip-side… “they are too thin”.  Two of my friends have been criticized in their parenting because their children are by nature exceptionally thin.  They are healthy children, but just tend to be very thin, even when mom tries shoving cupcakes down their throats to get them where they are “supposed” to be. 

 My friends and I have all come to the same conclusion: while we trust and look to our pediatricians for support and guidance, there are just sometimes that we feel we need to throw their medical expertise out the window and trust our own parental instincts as to what is right and wrong for our children. 

Have you had a similar experience?  How did you handle it?  Do you feel comfortable at times not following your pediatrician’s recommendations? 

Photo Courtesy of webchicken

How much television is appropriate for a toddler or a preschooler to watch in one day? Over the last 2 years on The Mom Crowd we have had many discussions about new preschool television shows and inappropriate content in movies, but we haven’t discussed how much TV is okay. I bet that a lot of us let our kids watch more TV than we care to admit.

My husband and I have discussed how much television we will allow our 2 year old daughter, Annabelle, to watch. While discussing the issue we both agreed that we both watched a lot of television growing up and we turned out okay. We were both fit kids and didn’t grow into slothful adults. So for now we are not terribly strict on the amount of television our toddler watches.

The truth is that I need help sometimes. Dora the “Sitter” helps me out a lot for when I need to shower, make dinner, or clean up the house. Frankly, I don’t think I could have transitioned to having 2 children over this past summer without Dora. While I nursed, snoozed a little, or dealt with a fussy baby PBS, Noggin, Disney morning shows were available.

This Summer was one of the hottest Summers ever recorded in Texas history. When the temperatures hit over 100 degrees for 50+ days in a row, you can’t go outside. While we were house bound this past Summer I was more lenient with TV watching. As the weather cools down we will be able to go outside more often and the need for television’s help will decrease. Additionally, she goes back to Mother’s Day Out twice a week in the Fall, limiting her TV watching even more.

When Annabelle can safely entertain herself and I can reason with her about her activities, then maybe I will be more limiting. Unfortunately (for my productivity) my daughter does not play well by herself. She gets bored and needs me or another friend in the room with her. She has inherited her parent’s extremely extroverted genes. It is not practical for me to play with her all day long. Instead of limiting TV to an hour a day, I try to spend an hour or two without the TV on with my little one.

We don’t let our toddler watch anything. There are certain Nickelodeon and Disney shows that she isn’t allowed to watch and I still fast forward certain parts of movies. Although, I am anxious for Annabelle to fall in love with movies, because I love family movie nights with popcorn.

When my daughter turns into a couch potato while watching TV and can play by herself without a lot of supervision, then I will revisit my TV time rules. For now I am not being too hard on myself about how much TV my daughter watches. And I don’t think other moms should be so hard on themselves either.

Did you watch a lot of TV growing up? Are you strict on the amount of TV you allow your preschooler to watch? Are you thankful when you can get a break courtesy of Noggin?

Welcome to the inaugural Abiding Monday post!  As Amanda said last week, we at The Mom Crowd desire to start off our weeks with a focus on God’s Word and what he might want to tell us.  Abiding Monday posts will typically feature a scripture, some commentary, and a prayer.  Our hope is that you will be blessed by this new tradition on The Mom Crowd.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7

“Do not worry about anything.”  Oh, okay!  Great advice, hard to put into practice.  How many people do you know live truly carefree lives?  When has a day gone by that we don’t worry about something?  If it’s not my expanding waistline I’m fretting over, it’s the fact that another bill from the doctor’s office came in.  Sick kids, a tight budget, lost car keys, being late to work – you name it, we worry about it.  Worry can cause us to feel paralyzed with fear.  It can be annoying in its persistence.  Just when we’ve got one concern “under control”, another one comes along to make us uneasy.

Paul tells the Philippians that there is an antidote to worry:  prayer.  This should come as no surprise.  When we are faced with tough situations, we pray – or if you’re like me, we ask other people to pray for us.  I’m not always good about praying, myself.  Conversation with God requires concentration.  Thoughtfulness.  Time.

You know what I really do when I worry about something?  It’s a highly complex solution of mentioning the problem on Twitter, complaining in my Facebook status update, and starting long, rambling conversations with my husband.  This brings temporary relief, but it doesn’t yield long-term peace.  I should conduct an experiment this week and spend all that time on my knees instead.

Paul’s formula is simple:  prayer (telling God what you need + thanking God for what he has done) = peace. Notice that time in prayer doesn’t always mean the problem goes away.  Peace is not the absence of struggle.  Peace changes one’s perspective within the struggle.  That’s God at work.  I might have more bills than I can handle and a conflict with a friend that has no apparent resolution.  But I can have a peace that surpasses my understanding about both situations.  I simply need to talk to God about them more.  And peace does something for us, too:  it protects our minds from breeding even more worry (see v. 7).

This week, when faced with a worry, don’t let it pester you.  Write it down.  If you have many worries, make a list.   Mention it to God first – before you even bring it up to your spouse or a friend.  Be persistent.  Ask God to replace your unease with his promise of peace, and see how you feel afterward.  Max Lucado says, “The moment a concern surfaces, deal with it. Don’t dwell on it. Head off worries before they get the best of you.”  Philippians 4:6-7 tells you how.

Dear Jesus, we have so many worries.  Life can be overwhelming.  We want to follow Paul’s advice and talk to you about our fears more often.  Thank you for giving us peace when we pray.  Help us put prayer into practice this week and always.  Amen.

Happy Labor Day, and go in peace, Mom Crowd!