The Mom Crowd

What do you do if your child comes to you and wants _____ that you think are too expensive?

In our case that is shoes.  Our 5 year old saw a commercial for a brand of shoes and was convinced that the shoes would help him run faster.  He has recently grown out of his old shoes and does need new ones.  When I looked up how much the shoes he wants are I thought, “No way am I paying for those!”  At first I wanted to tell him that we were not getting those shoes because they are too expensive.  I knew that answer wouldn’t really make a lot of sense to him and would probably make him angry.   My husband reminded me that it could be a good life lesson and that we should think about approaching it from a different angle.

My husband asked me how much I would normally spend on shoes for the boys.  I told him and we came up with a strategy to help the 5 year old learn about managing money.  We also wanted to guide him and help him make a decision that he could be happy with.

We looked online with the 5 year old at the shoes he wants.  We did tell him that the shoes cost more than we want to spend on the shoes but that he did have some options. We told him that we would pay for a certain amount of the shoes and that he would have to come up with the rest of the money. We asked him if he would like to know what other kids do when they want something that costs more than they have.  He said, “Sure!”

We said that some kids:

• save up their birthday money and use it to buy something they want
• ask their parents, grandparents, neighbors if they have extra jobs they can pay him for
• choose to buy something less expensive that is within their budget
• wait for it to go on sale

He thought about it and he either wants to save some of his birthday money or do extra jobs to make up the difference.  As soon as he can pay up then we will happily take him out shopping.  We feel good that he is learning about how to live within a budget and work hard for the extra things he wants.  We shared that we have to make those same decisions when we want to buy things that are cost more than we have in our budget.  We feel like it is a real world learning opportunity for him–he’ll have to make lots of similar decisions about money as he grows up.

We look forward to using this strategy more as these situations come up more often in the future. I think he’ll feel good about participating in buying something that he wants.  If he figures out that those shoes won’t actually make him run faster then he’ll also learn another good life lesson.

How do you handle it when your kids want something that you think is too expensive?  What do you tell your kids?

**photo courtesy of   flickr’s plasticrevolver

My family  just moved from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to Dallas, Tx (for the summer) in a car and moving truck. That’s right,  21 hours of actual driving time.  In two days.  That made for long days  with pit stops.

To be fair, I have to admit that I did not make this trip with them.  I flew to Dallas with the 21 month old the same morning everyone else left Pittsburgh.  We thought that maybe it would be better for the toddler to not have to endure such a greuling road trip in a short amount of time.  My in-laws came up to help a few days before the big move day.  My husband planned on driving the moving truck while  my in-laws planned on driving the car with the kids in it.

My mother-in-law came up with a FABULOUS idea that I wanted to pass onto everyone.  She showed up with some plans in her road trip arsenol.  She bought some plastic gold coins and told the boys that they could earn the coins by doing special jobs around the house.  They each had a bag to put their collected coins in.  She told them that when they were on their big road trip they could spend their “money” at “Mimi’s store”.  Since we were still packing up for the move there were plenty of jobs to do around the house–especially since I’d been having some complications from the miscarriage and hadn’t been able to get as much done as I needed to.  The boys were excited to earn gold coins and were even more excited about being able to buy special treats from her store.

She also came with a DVD player, a borrowed Leapster, and Nintendo DS.  We let the boys pack their backpacks with toys and brought a basket of books to help with entertainment.

We were worried that the boys woulde be upset because they weren’t going to be riding in the moving truck with daddy.  Thankfully, Mimi’s Store was a HUGE hit.  What did Mimi have at her “store”?  She had some inexpensive toys like slinkys, stickers, and spray foam.  She had lots of food items like goldfish, cheese crackers, and cookies.  She also had pixie sticks, fruit rolls, and fruit chews.  It was an indulgence for sure–they don’t normally get a lot of those kind of snacks at home but we figured that being stuck in a car for 12+ hours a day for two days was a good reason to let them have some extra fun.

Her idea was genius because it helped on the front end with all the jobs and packing that needed to be done AND it helped to pass some of the long hours in the car.  Doing the extra jobs around the house also kept them occupied as more and more of their toys were packed on the truck and the house was being cleaned.

If you are planning a road trip (or even a plane trip) I think this is a great strategy to help pass the time.  So I pass it on to all you moms who are planning summer travels in hopes that you can use this to make your road trips more enjoyable!

Happy Travels!

*photo courtesy of spader

I happen to be one of those people who spend hours comparing prices in grocery circulars and clipping coupons twice a month. (Ok, so truth be told, I do coupons weekly!) I make an extensive list of meals that I can make for the following two weeks and shop only to that list and of course to the other little necessities that we use daily. I go to at least 4 different stores on my twice monthly grocery run and do my best to do it all very early on a Saturday morning when my husband is home to watch the kids. But there are just sometimes that early Saturday shopping trips just aren’t workable and I have to venture out during the week with my kids to do major shopping.

I’ve found that for short trips to places like Target or Wal-Mart, the kids do fairly well and are entertained as long as we stop by the dollar section or toy section first, even if just to browse, or if I promise that we will visit it within a few minutes of arrival. But on those occasions when I need to focus on my list and purchase more than just a handful of items, the following “survival tools” are essential! 

1. GET ORGANIZED BEFORE YOU GO! – If you are familiar with the store you are going to visit, write your list out in order of how you normally go up and down the aisles. Even if you aren’t 100% familiar with the store layout, you can organize your list by produce, meats, dairy, baby items, household goods and processed foods. The less time you take looking up and down the aisles for exactly what you need, the less time you have for your kids to act up.

2. GO EARLY! – don’t wait until naptime or right before to do your shopping with your kids if you can avoid it. Meltdowns are inevitable if you are pushing that threshold. All it takes is one “no” and you’ll have a screaming child for your entire trip!

3. TAKE A SNACK! – Who can be cranky when they have something to stuff in their mouths?! Bring along some Cheerios or fish crackers in a snack cup or give them a special treat and pick up a fun-sized box of their favorite snack food at the store. As long as you aren’t going through the do-it-yourself checkout lane, it won’t matter if they’ve eaten some or all their snack!

4. GET YOUR CHILD INVOLVED! – Go down each isle and have your child pick out 5 things with blue packaging, get them to help you find exactly what you are looking for (even if you know where it is), or have them count the items in your basket. If your kids are older, use the grocery store to teach them about nutrition facts by having them read and compare labels of their favorite foods. Another fun trick is to have them keep a tally of how much you have spent with a small calculator. It will help keep you in budget and will teach them basic math skills.

How do you manage shopping trips with your children? What tricks or tips do you have that help keep the peace?

Photo Courtesy of Joe Thorn

It is a parent’s worst nightmare. I packed up my just turned 2 year old daughter and 3 month old baby boy last week to go on a play date with other moms and their children at a pool. The neighborhood pool had a baby pool that was 1 to 1.5 feet deep. My baby boy was asleep in his car seat and I was tending to my daughter in the baby pool. She was loving it and having a great time. I felt my face burning and realized that I hadn’t put sunscreen on my face. My daughter seemed fine with the other kids and there were 2 moms sitting on the edge with their feet in the pool. I got out to put sunscreen on my face.

As I was applying the lotion I looked up and saw my daughter floundering horizontally in the water. She had fallen over and couldn’t stand up to get air. I yelled “Annabelle!” and immediately ran into the water. In that split second I saw her little body trying to turn over and get her face above the water. You could see the instinct to survive in that little action. I immediately swooped her up in my arms and pat her back. I don’t think I took a breath until I heard her breathe. Thankfully, she didn’t require CPR and I had caught her in time. Of course, it is hard to stop your mind from wondering what would have happened had she didn’t make it. I know she is the Lord’s and He can take her whenever He wants, but I realized how much I loved her and would miss her if something happened to her.

Needless to say, we were a little shaken up. She was afraid to go back in the water for a little while after that. I felt like if I didn’t take her back in the pool that day, then she might stay afraid of pools. We slowly worked from the seat to the middle of the pool. I don’t think I let my eye (or even a hand) go off of her after that.

This incident reminded me that she can’t swim. Also, maybe I can’t handle going to the pool with both kids by myself, even with other moms around. At least for my own sanity I am going to keep pool visits this Summer without my husband to a minimum. I am planning to stick more with our backyard blow up pool. There are some safety precautions I could have taken first:

1. Don’t over estimate my toddler’s physical ability. I forget how much my little girl can’t do. She just learned how to jump up and down when she turned 2. I am thankful for things she can do, but I need to remember that she just doesn’t have the physical ability to do some things.

2. Wear floaties or a life vest. I have now realized why floaties are important! When we to the beach we borrowed a swimsuit that had a life vest inside the body suit. She looked a little silly, but I didn’t care. I love her enough to save her life!

3. Consider the depth of the water in the pool. The water in the baby pool came up to my daughter’s stomach and chest. My plan is to keep her in more shallow water when she is on her own in the future. We will go in deeper water too, but only when holding on to her.

4. Know CPR or at least refresh yourself. I have an idea of what to do if I need to do, but I am not sure if I really know it in case of an emergency. McKenna wrote a really good post about learning CPR here.

5. Teach my child how to float on her back. I hadn’t even thought of teaching Annabelle how to float yet, but I would like to begin working on it with her now. Here is a good video about how to teach your kid to float. It is practical and easy to follow.

I think my story may be common. Have you had a similar experience? Do you have any reservations about taking your toddler to a pool? Have you taught your toddler how to float?

Recently we were contacted by a reader who is in a difficult situation with her shy daughter.  This mom said:

I have a 7 year old girl who is very shy, and she has made a friend this year who is very mean to her.  I try and discourage her from playing with this child, but she says she has no other friends to play with.  This other child is in my Brownie troop, and I have seen the mean behavior.  I have talked to the child but it does no good; she make excuses for why she is mean.  For example:   my daughter ran up to this child to say hello, the child ran away and said “I don’t want to play with you, give me my space.”  I told my daughter to give her her space.  The mother called a couple days later and asked to have my daughter over to play.  When she brought my daughter home she told me how the children were fighting the whole time.  Come to find out, she (the little girl)  was not being nice to my child.  She asked to call me to pick her up, but instead the mother took them out for ice cream…  This can go on and on how this child one day is somewhat nice and the other, downright cruel.  Every day my daughter comes home upset and sad.  I have now refused to have the child play with mine, and my daughter is upset that she cannot play with her.  How to I deal with my child’s feelings altogether???  I wish she was not as shy as she is.   How can I help her?

Oh, this is a toughie.  It is always hard for a parent to see their child(ren) suffer in social situations.  Having taught middle school for several years, I recall seeing unhealthy relational dynamics take their toll on young people time and time again.  I don’t know that I have the solution – but I do have opinions.  Here we go:

• The mean girl, whom I’ll call Dena, seems to enjoy the power trip that having a shy friend gives her.  It appears that she has taken that power too far on a regular basis by lashing out at your daughter, whom I’ll call Sally.  Dena might have a tough time keeping friends, and Sally’s dependence on her gives her more control.  Dena and Sally have an unhealthy friendship.
• If Sally is as shy as you have indicated, she probably hasn’t had that much experience with different friendships.  Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, but they are all usually founded on a mutual respect and enjoyment of the other person.
• It is possible Sally does not want to admit that Dena is a bad friend.  She might be so desperate to keep her for a friend that she’s willing to sacrifice her happiness on a daily basis just to keep this friendship alive.  Does Sally realize that she could do better?
• Shy people tend to keep their true feelings to themselves.  Sally’s submissive nature probably doesn’t help her stand up for herself.  She might even be drawn to Dena’s personality because Dena makes doing things easier: someone is calling the shots for her.  This happens in a lot of relationships: there are leaders, and there are followers.

If I was Sally’s mother, I’d do exactly what you did, and stop having the two play together.  It would be hard at first, but Sally will eventually get over it and find somone else to bond with.  If you are providing enough opportunities for Sally to make new friendships, she should be able to make a new buddy with a little effort.  This is the time of year when Vacation Bible Schools abound in most cities, where children are grouped by grade level and spend five days together doing the same activities.  If that is not a possibility, I would recommend playgroups, clubs, story times, swimming lessons, or anything else that would allow Sally to spend time with other children her age.  As for the Brownie meetings, I’d work to keep the two girls separated as much as possible without drawing too much attention to it.

This is a teachable time for you and Sally.  It is a good opportunity for you to remind her what kinds of qualities we need in a good friend – and that even though she deals with a little initial shyness, she can still choose to spend time with kind children.  Befriending a bully just because one is available is not Sally’s only option.  It is important for your daughter to wrap her head around this idea now, so her future friendships will be healthier.

Next week, I will post about shyness in general, what it is (and isn’t), and how we can help our shy children thrive in social situations.

Hey, Mom Crowd!  Do you have any other input or advice for Sally’s mom?  How do you handle it when your child is routinely upset by his/her friends?