The Mom Crowd

The American population is revved up for the elections in a couple weeks and the economy is on everyone’s minds.  While the candidates debate on how to best heal our economy, I thought it would be a good time to discuss our responsibility to ourselves, our families, and to our society to start living within our means.  Our society has  a “have it all-have it NOW” mentality and we are seeing firsthand what happens when individuals in our society and when our own government lives outside of their means.

Other than the good ole’ makin’-a-budget-and-stickin’-to-it plan, there are some small steps you can take to help yourself start living within your means.  Not only can you use these ideas to help yourself to start living within your means, you can incorporate these philosophies into your parenting strategy.  It is important for our children that we set an example of living within our means and that we teach them that they need to live within their own means.

Here are some philosophies we try to live out within our family:

“The Latte Factor”

• My husband discovered this term from one of the financial gurus he reads (I can’t tell you which one this phrase belongs to…).  The basic idea is that it’s the “lattes” that get us in trouble financially.  For some, it is literally the “lattes” (from Starbucks) that are making big dents in their budgets, but for others, “latte” is figurative for other little purchases made throughout the week.  Most people don’t know where their money goes after they get paid and it’s usually these small purchases that is the culprit of this disappearing money.  If you spend $1.18 a day on a diet coke (guilty as charged), that is $36 every month.  I’m not saying you should stop buying your diet cokes each day, however those small dollar purchases can really impact your monthly budget.  My husband is constantly grilling me about “the latte factor” and while it can be irritating at times, I appreciate that we are aware of where our money goes each month because we are paying attention to all of the transactions we are making.
• Parenting Tip: Encourage your children to keep a record of how they spend their allowance.  If you know they are really anxious to buy the new Guitar Hero game, you can help remind them that when they buy bubblegum from the machine, they are delaying their coveted purchase that much longer.

“Do I really need it?” and “Can I afford it?”

• Do you really need 1,000 minutes and unlimited texting on your cell phone?  Do you really need 150 channels on your television?  Do you really need that gym membership that you’re not using?  The answer will be “no” in most of the circumstances you ask yourself “do I really need this?”, however the follow-up question must always be “can I afford it?”  I’m not suggesting you live a life of eating rice and beans every night and I’m not suggesting you get rid of your internet and use the library computer, however if you can’t afford something, you can’t afford it.  There are many fabulous luxuries in our society, however there’s a lot of empty money spent on channels never watched, gyms never visited, and furniture never sat in.  In order to live within your means, you have to be able to tell yourself “no” at times.
• Parenting Tip: Be honest with your children about your family budget and explain to them that if you add an expense, you will have to take away another expense.  Explain to them that in order for your family to increase their cable channels, you will have to have dial up internet.  Allow them to share their thoughts and play a role in your family’s budget.

Keeping up with the Jones’

• Right now, the Jones’ are facing foreclosure because the Jones’ were not wise with their money.  Being the Jones’ may be fun for a while, but it will inevitably catch up to you.  If you are unwise with your money because you are trying to have it all, you will eventually wind up not having anything.
• Parenting Tip: Remind your children that “stuff” is not what is important in this life.  Volunteer as a family at the food bank or homeless shelter.  Expose them to families who do not have very much.  For Christmas, have your children give presents to children who are less fortunate than they are.  Set an example to your children by not complaining about what you don’t have. Being around people who are less fortunate than you are will not only impact your children, but it will impact you and remind you of all of the things you have.

Stinky debt

• There are some debts that I feel can be classified as investments.  School loans, mortgages, etc… can be considered investments, when under control.   Buying a house that you cannot afford or pulling out as much in school loans as you can are not wise investments and can easily put you in a place where you are living outside your means.  However, the stinky debt I am referring to is stinky credit card debts.  If you are using credit cards and not paying them off each month, you are not living within your means.  There’s not much more to say about that, other than stop using your credit cards.  If you can’t get by without using your credit cards, eliminate other expenses in your life (cable, cell phone, move into a smaller apartment, etc…) so you can afford your bills and not be consumed by the credit card monster.
• Parenting Tip: The best gift you can give to your children is your example.  Explain to them how credit card debt works and how interest can consume your monthly payments.  If they ask to borrow money in between their allowances, show them how interest works and charge them interest on that loan.  The main thing is to teach them why credit card debt is so difficult and show them the freedom of a family not living in the chains of debt by not being consumed by it yourself.

Delayed Gratification

• If you want to purchase something that is not a necessity, sleep on it.  A lot of times you will not feel as urgent about purchasing that item the next day.  Another great idea is to have those splurges be a reward for yourself.  Set goals (financial, weight-loss, etc…) for yourself and promise yourself that you can buy that item once your goal is met.  This practice of “delayed gratification” will not only help your wallets, it will also help you to be a more disciplined person in general.  However, if you cannot afford to purchase a non-necessity, then you have to tell yourself to wait until you can afford it.
• Parenting Tip: If there are things your children really want, tell them to add it to their Christmas list or birthday list.  This will not only make these celebrations more exciting, it will also help steer your children away from a “have it all, have it NOW” mentality.  You can also use these items they want as rewards for them.  Buying them whatever they want, whenever they want will not only be bad for your checkbook, your children will never learn how to live within their means or discipline.

These are just a few tips I have for you. What areas do you struggle with living outside of your means?  What steps have you taken to help yourself live within your means?  How are you teaching your children to live within their means?

No one likes switching doctors. It is a pain to do–especially when you are pregnant but sometimes it is worth it. There is no rule that says that you can’t switch providers during your pregnancy. Some women put up with poor service from their doctors or their staff because they feel the hassle of changing providers is too complicated. And we feel guilty and don’t want to make anyone feel bad. Some women stay with their doctors for future pregnancies even if their doctor left a bad taste in their mouth from their first pregnancy. Well ladies, I am here to encourage you to break free and find a provider that you feel comfortable with, that doesn’t make medical decisions based on their fear of being sued, and who will support the choices you want to make during your pregnancy or well-woman health care.

Even if you aren’t interested in an unmedicated, natural birth, there are some things to look out for that tell you a doctor has a bad habit of meddling in labor when it isn’t necessary. It is important for us to voice our concerns to the people we trust for our healthcare. I cannot even begin to stress how important it is for us to also take charge and responsibility for our own health. Educate yourself, ask questions, read books and be your own advocate!

I have compiled a list of “red flags” for you to consider as you think about your experience with your own Ob/Gyn:

Your doctor starts pressuring you to have a c-section as early as 28 weeks for fear of a large baby.

Your doctor’s c-section rate is at or above the national rate (33%).

Your doctor patronizes you or mocks you for wanting a birth plan or a natural birth.

Your doctor has an episiotomy rate over 30%.

Your doctor doesn’t fully inform you of the risks on induction, c-section, epidural etc.

Your doctor will only allow you to push your baby out with your legs/feet in the stirrups and/or on your back. (Feels uncomfortable with hands and knees or squatting or whatever position you want to birth in)

Your doctor’s routine procedure for induction is to break the bag of waters early on in labor.

Your doctor uses cytotec for labor induction. (Run the other direction!)

Your doctor makes you feel stupid when you ask questions or share how you feel about pregnancy, procedures, birth, or your general health.

Your doctor makes you feel bad about your weight gain but doesn’t offer you any guidance on nutrition or diet.

If you want a natural birth with minimal interventions:

Your doctor says things that aren’t supportive of your desire to have an unmedicated birth. For example, “you don’t need to suffer needlessly…the drugs are safe for the baby…good luck with that…”

Your doctor requires continuous electric fetal monitoring.

This is by no means an exhaustive list but it is a start. If your doctor or practice makes you feel uncomfortable at all or if you have a gut feeling that leaves you uneasy as you interact with them then consider switching practices. Emotional relaxation during labor is very important and if you feel uneasy around your birth team then it can have a negative impact on labor.

You will remember your birth for the rest of your life so it is important to go to someone who treats you with dignity, respect, and care. Doctors don’t have emotional attachments with all their patients and will not be offended if you switch your care to someone else. Many doctors are overbooked (How many times have you had to wait and wait to see your doc only to feel rushed during appointments?) and will not be personally offended if you switch providers. You don’t have to tell them why at all–unless you want to.

If you are looking for a more personal care style for your womanly health care then I would encourage you to see midwives for your pregnancy and well-woman visits. Many certified nurse midwives also do yearly exams. There are many women who enjoy the holisitic care that midwives offer but still prefer epidurals or need c-sections for their births.

Finding a doctor or midwife that you feel comfortable with may be a challenge but it is worth the extra time and effort!

Have you ever switched doctors? What’s your story?

It’s that time again: the start of school.  For many of us moms, it’s the start of pre-school.  My kids have been in pre-school for about four weeks now (and my mental health is the better for it!)  Lucy is in the 2-year old class, so she brings artwork or little projects home twice a week.  Eli, 1, goes once a week, and doesn’t bring anything home yet.

I love that the kids get to do fun projects at pre-school.  I love seeing how proud Lucy is when she shows me what she did, and listening to her cute voice describe it: “What did you make, Lucy?”  “A col-LAGE!”  Another new word in her ever-expanding vocabulary.

So this is just the beginning.  Soon, artwork is going to start piling up all around us if we don’t have a plan of action for what to do with it.  I’m sure lots of you moms know what I’m talking about.  What happens when there’s no more room on the fridge?

Thanks to ideas I’ve read in various magazines over the past couple of years, I’ve acquired some helpful tips for this issue.  I don’t really take credit for these ideas – except for #1 and #3, which I just thought of as I was writing this post.  I hope this helps you prevent mountains of construction paper from forming in your house & car!

1. Turn your laundry room or spare wall into a gallery.  As I mentioned last week, my house has out-of-date wallpaper.  In our laundry room – a place where I spend a fair amount of time each week, and also the room we walk through to get to the garage – the wallpaper is pretty busy.  So I started taping up the kids’ artwork and projects.  Every day that Lucy brings home something new, she helps me pick out a spot on the wall, and up it goes.  It’s her artwork-central.  She loves it.  I get to appreciate it, and the less of that wallpaper I see, the better.
2. Take pictures of the artwork as it comes in, and save them in a special folder on your computer.   Then the opportunities are endless:  use the pictures for your screensaver, or make a photo year book for each school year!
3. Create a blog just for their artwork.  Give the address to family members and friends so they can comment.  The kids will love the praise on their own special webpage!
4. Mail pieces of artwork to distant relatives.  Not only does this get it out of your house, it gives Grandma a special surprise amid her bills!
5. Keep a special portfolio, box or file for each of your childrens’ work.   At the end of each quarter or semester (or any time you feel is necessary), sit down with your child and the artwork, and do a cleanout.  Have them choose their 5 best pieces, and save them in the portfolio with the dates and their signature.  Then decide what you will do with the rest.  Tell your child that any of options 2-4 are acceptable, but it’s time to make room in the portfolio for new things that come in.  Not only does this whittle down the amount of paper you’ve got at home, it gives your child ownership in what is kept, and even helps develop a critically-thinking mind.
6. Frame your favorite pieces to be hung on the walls.  I saw a picture of this in the latest Real Simple; the decorator created a collage on the wall of framed family pictures and artwork.  It was really cool and colorful.

Surely there are other ideas and tips out there for cherishing the work of each of our little Picassos, Monets, or better yet, Dalis.    What have you done?