The Mom Crowd

It is a parent’s worst nightmare. I packed up my just turned 2 year old daughter and 3 month old baby boy last week to go on a play date with other moms and their children at a pool. The neighborhood pool had a baby pool that was 1 to 1.5 feet deep. My baby boy was asleep in his car seat and I was tending to my daughter in the baby pool. She was loving it and having a great time. I felt my face burning and realized that I hadn’t put sunscreen on my face. My daughter seemed fine with the other kids and there were 2 moms sitting on the edge with their feet in the pool. I got out to put sunscreen on my face.

As I was applying the lotion I looked up and saw my daughter floundering horizontally in the water. She had fallen over and couldn’t stand up to get air. I yelled “Annabelle!” and immediately ran into the water. In that split second I saw her little body trying to turn over and get her face above the water. You could see the instinct to survive in that little action. I immediately swooped her up in my arms and pat her back. I don’t think I took a breath until I heard her breathe. Thankfully, she didn’t require CPR and I had caught her in time. Of course, it is hard to stop your mind from wondering what would have happened had she didn’t make it. I know she is the Lord’s and He can take her whenever He wants, but I realized how much I loved her and would miss her if something happened to her.

Needless to say, we were a little shaken up. She was afraid to go back in the water for a little while after that. I felt like if I didn’t take her back in the pool that day, then she might stay afraid of pools. We slowly worked from the seat to the middle of the pool. I don’t think I let my eye (or even a hand) go off of her after that.

This incident reminded me that she can’t swim. Also, maybe I can’t handle going to the pool with both kids by myself, even with other moms around. At least for my own sanity I am going to keep pool visits this Summer without my husband to a minimum. I am planning to stick more with our backyard blow up pool. There are some safety precautions I could have taken first:

1. Don’t over estimate my toddler’s physical ability. I forget how much my little girl can’t do. She just learned how to jump up and down when she turned 2. I am thankful for things she can do, but I need to remember that she just doesn’t have the physical ability to do some things.

2. Wear floaties or a life vest. I have now realized why floaties are important! When we to the beach we borrowed a swimsuit that had a life vest inside the body suit. She looked a little silly, but I didn’t care. I love her enough to save her life!

3. Consider the depth of the water in the pool. The water in the baby pool came up to my daughter’s stomach and chest. My plan is to keep her in more shallow water when she is on her own in the future. We will go in deeper water too, but only when holding on to her.

4. Know CPR or at least refresh yourself. I have an idea of what to do if I need to do, but I am not sure if I really know it in case of an emergency. McKenna wrote a really good post about learning CPR here.

5. Teach my child how to float on her back. I hadn’t even thought of teaching Annabelle how to float yet, but I would like to begin working on it with her now. Here is a good video about how to teach your kid to float. It is practical and easy to follow.

I think my story may be common. Have you had a similar experience? Do you have any reservations about taking your toddler to a pool? Have you taught your toddler how to float?

Recently we were contacted by a reader who is in a difficult situation with her shy daughter.  This mom said:

I have a 7 year old girl who is very shy, and she has made a friend this year who is very mean to her.  I try and discourage her from playing with this child, but she says she has no other friends to play with.  This other child is in my Brownie troop, and I have seen the mean behavior.  I have talked to the child but it does no good; she make excuses for why she is mean.  For example:   my daughter ran up to this child to say hello, the child ran away and said “I don’t want to play with you, give me my space.”  I told my daughter to give her her space.  The mother called a couple days later and asked to have my daughter over to play.  When she brought my daughter home she told me how the children were fighting the whole time.  Come to find out, she (the little girl)  was not being nice to my child.  She asked to call me to pick her up, but instead the mother took them out for ice cream…  This can go on and on how this child one day is somewhat nice and the other, downright cruel.  Every day my daughter comes home upset and sad.  I have now refused to have the child play with mine, and my daughter is upset that she cannot play with her.  How to I deal with my child’s feelings altogether???  I wish she was not as shy as she is.   How can I help her?

Oh, this is a toughie.  It is always hard for a parent to see their child(ren) suffer in social situations.  Having taught middle school for several years, I recall seeing unhealthy relational dynamics take their toll on young people time and time again.  I don’t know that I have the solution – but I do have opinions.  Here we go:

• The mean girl, whom I’ll call Dena, seems to enjoy the power trip that having a shy friend gives her.  It appears that she has taken that power too far on a regular basis by lashing out at your daughter, whom I’ll call Sally.  Dena might have a tough time keeping friends, and Sally’s dependence on her gives her more control.  Dena and Sally have an unhealthy friendship.
• If Sally is as shy as you have indicated, she probably hasn’t had that much experience with different friendships.  Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, but they are all usually founded on a mutual respect and enjoyment of the other person.
• It is possible Sally does not want to admit that Dena is a bad friend.  She might be so desperate to keep her for a friend that she’s willing to sacrifice her happiness on a daily basis just to keep this friendship alive.  Does Sally realize that she could do better?
• Shy people tend to keep their true feelings to themselves.  Sally’s submissive nature probably doesn’t help her stand up for herself.  She might even be drawn to Dena’s personality because Dena makes doing things easier: someone is calling the shots for her.  This happens in a lot of relationships: there are leaders, and there are followers.

If I was Sally’s mother, I’d do exactly what you did, and stop having the two play together.  It would be hard at first, but Sally will eventually get over it and find somone else to bond with.  If you are providing enough opportunities for Sally to make new friendships, she should be able to make a new buddy with a little effort.  This is the time of year when Vacation Bible Schools abound in most cities, where children are grouped by grade level and spend five days together doing the same activities.  If that is not a possibility, I would recommend playgroups, clubs, story times, swimming lessons, or anything else that would allow Sally to spend time with other children her age.  As for the Brownie meetings, I’d work to keep the two girls separated as much as possible without drawing too much attention to it.

This is a teachable time for you and Sally.  It is a good opportunity for you to remind her what kinds of qualities we need in a good friend – and that even though she deals with a little initial shyness, she can still choose to spend time with kind children.  Befriending a bully just because one is available is not Sally’s only option.  It is important for your daughter to wrap her head around this idea now, so her future friendships will be healthier.

Next week, I will post about shyness in general, what it is (and isn’t), and how we can help our shy children thrive in social situations.

Hey, Mom Crowd!  Do you have any other input or advice for Sally’s mom?  How do you handle it when your child is routinely upset by his/her friends?

I recently learned that car seats have an expiration date.  I was very surprised to learn this and don’t think I’m the only one who was unaware about car seats expiring.

Car seats deteriorate over time due to heat and general use.  Just as a piece of plastic will become significantly weaker, the more it is handled, exposed to heat, and bent, the plastic on car seats is no different.  Manufactures of car seats now supply consumers with an expiration date to protect children from being in a car seat which is not safe.  Another reason for car seat expiration is the evolution of technology.  Car seats become safer and safer with each new product that is made.  So while your car seat may be the safest there is, in five years it may be weaker than most other car seats.

The car seat expiration date was very hard to find on my car seats.  You can check them online if you cannot find it on the carseat.  If you have a car seat that has expired, it is advised to destroy the car seat so that no one will use it.  This includes cutting the straps and even the plastic so someone won’t try to repair it.

Here is a video which demonstrates what can happen if your child is riding in a car seat which has expired:

Car seat expiration dates fall in a broader category of car seat safety.  Safe car seat practice means you have had your car seat inspected by a certified car seat inspector.  They will check the safety of your seat, whether it is appropriate for your child’s height and weight, teach you how to properly buckle them in, and make sure it is installed in your car correctly.  If you would like to learn more about car seat safety or find a car seat inspector near you, go to this website.

Did you know that car seats expired? Have you had your car seat installation checked by a car seat inspector?

Before I had children I never thought I would have so many toys just for one kid. Friends and family enjoy gifting my little girl with toys. I am forever thankful for their generosity, but I have to put them somewhere.

The migration of toys started in the nursery then spread to my bedroom. Next they encroached into a corner of the living room. The toys grew too much for the living room. Finally they made their way into a space that is supposed to be a formal living area which we have used as a library. Now they have even moved into our formal dining area.

All my bedrooms are upstairs, but we don’t hang out there much during the day. I like being able to see my kiddos from the kitchen and our living room. So half of the downstairs is now a play area and I love it.

We recently replaced the formal dining table with a futon and a t.v. I don’t know why this made me so happy. I love hanging out in there with my kids. Of course, there is more I want to do to the room like curtains on the back windows, wall art, change the lighting, and have better storage for the small toys.

Having a designated area for the toys has kept my regular living room more clean and a retreat for me at the end of the day.  Now I just need to teach my 2 year old how to pick her toys up every night. If she doesn’t fully understand how to clean up by the time she is a preschooler, then I am going to try Amelia’s tips on How to Teach Your Preschooler to Pick Up Their Toys.

I understand that I am lucky to have some extra space in my house to create a play area. It seems like such a necessity. You need space to store toys and kids need a place to play and be a kid.

Almost every house that I have been to that has a play area is fun. So I created my own. One day I will reclaim the dining room and library, but until then my little kiddos rule the room.

I don’t have any great insight about organizing toys or creative ways to make your playroom more fun. I just know that having a play area is cool.

How about you? Have you made a designated play area? Did you ever think you would have one?

It’s something I swore I’d never do: let my car get messy after having kids.  My car was relatively clean before we had babies, and I thought if I kept up with it enough, it would stay that way once the kids got older.  Pretty naive, huh?    I used to be so grossed out by family vehicles, frankly – all the old Cheerios, grubby toys, and crumbs on the seats.  Ick!  Go into my garage, though, and you’ll find out that my car is decorated in the exact same way.

A few weeks ago I was surfing the internets and found out about this contest (now over):  Mom’s Messy Car Photo Contest. It made me a little relieved to see that this trend is more common than not.  Even though the contest was expired, I got my camera and grabbed a few shots anyway.  Here’s a peek!

Your standard collection of toys on the floor of the car, almost never played with.

This one shows a bit more garbage, which grosses me out.  How did I let that happen?

Finally, you have a shot of my daughter’s handprints all over the back-inside of the car.  Rest assured, she is not bumping around the back of the car while it’s moving.  (If you must know, hubby & I were “discussing something intently” while sitting in a parking lot, and we let her climb over the seats to keep her busy.)  This is the kind of thing I will never get around to cleaning – I barely go through a drive-through car wash, much less take windex & a towel to the interior side of the windows.

I often comment to friends that I desire to have a clutter-free, “Real Simple-style” home, but who are we kidding?  With toddlers, this is just not realistic.  If I prioritize a beautifully clean car, that means I am sacrificing something else: time and joy with my kids.  So for now, the deal is, I let some messes slide in the name of preserving my sanity.  I want to teach my kids how to pick up after themselves, but I don’t want to be on them every two seconds about throwing a toy on the car floor.  If Rice Krispies make them happy, I’ll vacuum up the dropped ones eventually.  I’m okay with my messy mom-mobile.

What about you?  On a scale of one to ten, how messy is your family car? Do you have any practical tips for keeping it organized?