The Mom Crowd

Before I had my daughter I had a few moms tell me that it is okay if I am not immediately head over heals in love with my newborn. They shared their own experience of how they loved their babies, but they did not automatically have a gushy kind of love for them.

One mom told me how one day when her baby was a few months old she was playing with her baby and it just hit her. She instantly fell in love with her baby. Another mom said that it was a gradual feeling and how it took a few months for that overflowing kind of love to come.

I was very thankful for this advice. I was proud of my baby and I loved her, but I didn’t have that overwhelming kind of love for her when I brought her home. I was wrapped up in recovering from labor, learning how to breastfeed, guests and dinners, and getting sleep. I didn’t really have time to focus on her as my daughter. I was doing what I had to do. I remember I kept saying to myself, “I have a daughter!” Mother’s Day was six days after my baby was born and it still didn’t sink in that I was a mom. Eventually over a few weeks that ushy-gushy, overwhelming love came. I would do anything for her and I really love her.

I think it is important to remember that we aren’t bad moms if we don’t immediately love our newborns. For some moms they are instantly in love with their babies, but not every mom is the same. I was thankful that I was warned because it gave me freedom to not feel condemned for how I was feeling. I knew that the affection for my new baby would eventually come.

Did you have any experience with this?

Not too long ago, I posted this blog entry on my favorite kid toys. I have a total obsession with my children’s toys, however, play time with your child goes beyond having every toy from Babies “R” Us in their playroom.

Play is very important for every baby’s health and development. Play is how babies and children learn. It also provides important bonding time between child and mommy. In a clinical research study released by the American Academy of Pediatrics, play is so valued that it is considered to be a ‘right’ of every baby and child. In the fast paced society we live in where everyone is go-go-go it is important to realize how crucial it is to stop and play with your baby.

Darah has been in occupational, physical, speech, and play therapy since she was a newborn, and I have really had some amazing one-on-one training on how to play with her because of those therapies. Before Darah was born, I didn’t really know how to have quality playtime with a baby and didn’t know the importance of play for the baby’s development. Since Connor has joined our family, I really feel that I know how to make the most of my one-on-one time with him and Darah. Through my experience, and countless therapy sessions I’ve observed with pediatric therapists, I have learned a few key things I’d like to share with you all.

Challenge your child, but make sure they have success.

• A big mistake a lot of parents make is doing everything for their babies. Try to let your child figure things out on his or her own before you step in. However, if they start getting frustrated or start giving up, then step in and guide or help your child accomplish their goal. Make sure you celebrate their success. It’s important for children to have the opportunity to figure things out on their own, but it’s equally important that they be successful often. If they are never successful, they will give up trying. Finding the perfect balance as a parent, will reap you and your child many rewards!

Get off the phone and get down on the floor

• One of the biggest problems I have is just stopping whatever I’m doing and engaging into play. I have a laundry list of tasks that I like to accomplish every day. Since Darah and Connor have started playing together, I have eased up on my “get-on-the-floor” time with them, and I have really had to make a conscientious effort to make play time a priority for myself. I’m a go-go-go, Type A, busy-magnet kind of person and it really requires mental energy for me to remember to SLOW DOWN and to remember that play-time with my children is just as important as bathing, diaper-changing, etc.

Appreciate the smallest accomplishments.

• This is an easy one for me, but if I had Connor first I think it would be a lot harder for me. With Darah, I was forced to appreciate the smallest steps of her developmental progress. This has helped me to really appreciate every aspect of Connor’s development as well. What most moms don’t even realize is a developmental milestone, I have been able to recognize in both of my children. When you get discouraged that your child isn’t crawling or talking yet, try to look for the steps they’re taking to get there. If your child isn’t crawling, time how long they can hold themselves in the quadruped position, or help them transition from sitting into the crawling position or guide their little body with your hands and ‘make’ them go through mommy-assisted crawling. Most importantly, try to recognize what your child is doing, and be excited about it!

Don’t overwhelm your child with too many choices.

• American babies have an abundance of toys, books, and ‘gear.’ Don’t present every single toy your child owns to him or her at one time. My kids usually play downstairs, and I keep a limited amount of toys that are freely available to them. I have found that when we go upstairs to the playroom, they both have a problem sitting down and playing with a toy, because we have SO MANY TOYS! When the choices are limited (and routinely rotated), your baby will engage more in their play-time.

Play with toys in unconventional ways.

• If your child wants to put the puzzle piece on their face, make that a game of Peek-a-Boo. If they want to stack the shapes instead of place them in shape-sorter, work on stacking. Allowing your child to lead their play-time sessions with you will be much more rewarding and your child will stay engaged! If you’re looking for conventional games, check out this link.

Talk and sing a lot to your child during play.

• By singing and talking to your baby during play, you are not only helping to develop their speech and language skills, but you are also sending the message that you want to be there to your baby. Your child’s vocabulary is directly related to the amount of words you speak to your child. This article discusses the importance of music for babies and here the author has a list of songs you can sing and the guitar chords!

Enjoy yourself!

• Playing with your baby does not have to be a chore. It can be fun for you. With who else would you sing all the New Kids on the Block songs into your hairbrush or dance the salsa with the broom? Your baby will know whether you are enjoying yourself or “fulfilling an obligation.” Play time isn’t only for your baby, play time can be for you as well!

One of our family goals for 2008 is to bathe our baby at least twice a week. She doesn’t crawl yet, so she doesn’t get that dirty. I know I am not the only one! My baby is too big for her newborn bathtub. I am not sure what to use next, because they don’t go over this stage when you make your baby registry. So I compiled this resource list of bathtubs and techniques you can use to bath your baby after they have grown out of their newborn tub.

Inflatable Tubs

There are many moms who love their inflatable tubs, because they travel well and work well inside their bathtubs. Consumer Reports has a different take, “There are also inflatable tubs that fit inside a regular bathtub to give your baby a padded space to bathe but we don’t recommend those either because they can be dangerous.” Consumer Reports never says how they are dangerous. With every baby tub we must use common sense and never leave a child unattended for second.

• Especially For Baby Noah’s Ark Inflatable Tub, $12.99
  

This tub has a 4.5 star rating out of 5 on babiesrus.com. Most of the user reviews rave about the tub. 2 of 36 reviewers said it leaked and another mom said that it didn’t fit her twins. Overall, it looks like a good buy if you want an inflatable tub.

• Muchkin Duck Bathtub, $9.99
  

I have a friend whose daughter absolutely loves her duck bath, but one user review said that their baby was scared of the duck! Another review mentioned that you couldn’t see the cute head when the baby is sitting in it. The main draw back is that you cannot fill it directly from the faucet, because the sides are too big. Also, the tub does not drain fast enough.

Bath Seats

One option is to transition into a bath seat. Be careful not to buy a bath seat that uses suction cups to hold the seat in place. Consumer Reports issued a warning in April of 2007 explicitly stating that suction cup bath seats should not be bought, because babies have fallen over and got stuck under the seat. With other consumer organizations, Consumer Reports have actively pursued the Consumer Product Safety Commission to ban the seats.

• Safety 1st Tubside Bathseat, $24.99
  

This seat is for babies from 5 to 10 months. My friend passed this seat down to me and I have only tried it once. Ace screamed the whole time she was in it and we couldn’t figure out how to wash her bottom. While a lot of moms like the seat, some of the complaints are that their baby got stuck, it is hard to clean and store outside of the tub.

• Dream Baby Fold-Away Bath Seat, $19.99
  

This seat uses suction cups, so it can only be used on smooth tub surfaces. The front bar opens to make it easier to take your baby out. Most of the user reviews find that this product isn’t great, but okay. If used properly it can get the job done.

Transitional Tubs

An infant-to-toddler tub may be good buy, because it will grow with your baby. Some of these tubs use a padded clip on sling to hold a newborn and then can be taken off when your baby can sit up. Other transitional tubs use an inclined seat for newborns that adjusts as your baby grows into a toddler.

• Fisher Price Aquarium Bath Center, $28.49

This seat is really popular and comes with a pouring cup, a toy, and another toy that doubles as a thermometer. There seems to be a bump in the tub that either hits your baby’s bottom in the hammock position or hits their back while sitting up. I probably would not buy this for the after-newborn stage, because so many reviewers complained about this bump in the tub.

• The First Years Sure Comfort Deluxe Newborn-to-Toddler Tub by Learning Curve, $16.99

Both Babiesrus.com and Amazon.com users rate this 4.5 stars out of five. It fits in the kitchen sink and the tub. Also, the plug changes color if it gets too hot, but sometimes it doesn’t work. There are a few complaints that it is too short for long babies, but other moms disagree. You would probably have to test it out for yourself to see. I have a similar newborn tub to this one and really liked it. With so many great reviews for this tub, I may be spending my money on this one.

Bathing in the Sink

There is nothing wrong with using the old-fashioned sink to bath your baby. I used the sink in our hotel room while we were traveling in the Philippines to bathe our baby. Be careful of the faucet, because it can be hot and they may bonk their head. You can also line the bottom of the sink with a towel to keep them from slipping. The kitchen sink is also great, because it saves your back from bending over.

Jumping In the Tub With Your Baby

According to Dr. Sears you can calm a baby who screams every time they bathe by jumping into the tub with them. He suggests getting everything ready and then hold your baby close while slowly bringing them into the water. He also suggests while you are getting the hang of bathing with your baby you may want to hand your baby to someone else when you are getting out the tub. I spoke with one mom who does this with her kids and she loves the special bonding time she gets with her babies during bathing time.

Extra Resources:

How To Bathe Your Baby
Baby Bathtubs: Safety Tips
Dr. Greene on Bathing Your Baby
What To Look For When Buying Bath Seats
Features to Consider When Buying a Baby Bathtub

Where do you bathe your baby? Have you used any of these tubs or techniques?

Over at Parent Center Kristina Sauerwein wrote an interesting blog post titled “The booby battles: Breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding.” In the blog post she shares her own story and describes the feelings of moms on both sides of the fence. She discusses some of the judgments that are passed between moms and asks the readers for their reasons behind choosing breast or bottle.

I decided to breastfeed Ace, because I thought it would be best for her and it would save us money. I went to a breastfeeding class and learned so much that I became a breastfeeding zealot. It wasn’t easy for Ace and I to learn. I wrote about my struggle and lessons learned in this article. I have been breastfeeding for almost nine months now and love it. I hate doing dishes, so it works for me.

I am a breastfeeding mom who has struggled with passing judgment and feeling superior. I have had to make a conscious effort to realize that everyone’s situation is different. The breast or bottle decision is a family choice. I know one mom that only pumps to feed her baby. For that family, it works.

If a friend asks for my encouragement in breastfeeding, I give it honestly and freely. However, I have had to learn to keep my mouth shut if my opinion or support is not requested. Ultimately, I have come to the conclusion that no matter how a baby is fed they are healthy and going to grow into amazing kids.

I would love hear your story. Why did you decide to breast or bottle feed? Are you happy with your decision? Have you felt judged or supported with your choice?

I researched flying with a baby a few months ago and enjoyed reading the stories of other parents’ experiences. So I decided to write my story about my first experience flying with a baby.

In August of last year I had to decide if I my baby and me were going to the Philippines with my husband and 10 other people in December. Part of my concern was traveling with a 7 month old. I researched flying with an infant and spoke to many parents. They all agreed that this would be a great time to travel with Ace, because she would not be crawling yet. So we bought the tickets and in December we left to travel to the other side of the world.

Security

Getting through security would have been a bigger challenge if I had to do it by myself. Luckily my husband was with me to help Ace and I get through the lines. Between the three of us we had five items: a car seat, a car seat frame stroller, a diaper bag, my backpack, and Daniel’s bag with a laptop computer. Almost each time we had to put everything through the security ex-ray machine, including breaking down the stroller. In addition, we had to take off all our shoes, even Ace’s little knock-off Robeez. The first time we went through the line my husband thought he lost his mobile phone. He found his phone, but we agreed to get through the line slower next time and not care about the people behind us. Going slow through the line may not have made the people behind us very happy, but we were much more relaxed and less stressed.

In the Los Angeles airport there was a special line for strollers and wheelchairs. We zipped right through the line while we waited over thirty minutes for our friends to get through the regular security line. In the Hong Kong airport before Daniel and I went through the security line a nice security man with clean white gloves held up his hands and asked for my baby. I handed him my baby thinking, he just wanted to see her. Then, on the other side of security we saw three security personnel crowded around my baby trying to get her to smile. They had sat her sitting up in her car seat. I wasn’t sure what to think about all of it, I was tired and just glad that my baby was okay after passing her off to a security guard.

Finally On The Plane

My husband, baby, and I did not always have our three seats assigned together. Imagine if I had left my baby in the row behind me next to two unassuming passengers! Every time we would not completely settle into our seats until we made sure that the seat next to us was empty or until after we asked someone to exchange seats with us. Everyone we asked politely obliged to move seats even though they did not have to.

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