The Mom Crowd

Recently our family had the opportunity to take a little vacation (or vay-cay, as I’ve been continuously calling it) to Panama City Beach, Florida.  We have not gone anywhere together as a family in about a year, and we were due some days of quiet away from home.  Thankfully, a family from our church let us use their beach house free of charge!  So we loaded up our car and hit the road.

The house we were in was perfect for the kids.  They were so enamored with the sun room up front that they weren’t the least bit interested in opening the cabinet doors and nooks & crannies throughout the house.  We brought one baby gate, which was perfect to block them out of the bathroom; they had free reign everywhere else.  It was a little one-level bungalow right across the street from the water.  All we had to do was cross the street and hike through about 10 yards of sand to see the waves.  To top it off, the beach was “private”!  So there was no one else around for great distances.  Nice!

The first morning we were there, we suited up and got lathered in our sunscreen, donning our hats and looking good.  I even had a new swimsuit to wear (Wow!  We’re talking 3 years, people, since I’ve cared about that at all…)  The kids were ecstatic to use their new sand shovel and beach toys.  I brought a blanket, Dave remembered the umbrella for shade.  We were set.  I was thinking we’d be there for a couple of hours and then go back to the house for lunch.

Except that two hours was about 90 minutes too long.  Turns out, the kids were kinda freaked out by the waves and had no interest in getting wet.  This didn’t stop me from trying to get them in the water, mind you.  I held Eli and tried to let him get a little cooled off as the waves lapped up.  One little splash of saltwater on his face was all it took to convince him he didn’t like it.  They weren’t quite sure what to do about the sand, either, though that was easier for them to handle.  And boy, was it hot.  Upper 90s, sticky and humid.  The only enjoyment Dave and I found was when we could individually step away for quick little dips into the water.  (My swimsuit was great – stayed in place and everything!  Score!)

After 20 minutes of playing in the sand, Lucy was soaked from sweat.  Poor girl was so hot.   But she was not going in that water.  It became clear that if we weren’t going to swim, we might as well go back to the house.  Otherwise, we were going to melt away into the Gulf.  We didn’t have access to a swimming pool, which would have changed the way we spent our days completely.  Instead, we cleaned ourselves up and decided to see what else the beach town had to offer, which turned out to be a lot.  We enjoyed fun window shopping and cruising along the strip, and the kids weren’t too traumatized to head back to our beach in the evening hours to collect sea shells and watch the sun go down. 

On our last day, we decided to drive a little further east and see St. Andrews Park.  We didn’t know what we were going to find, honestly, but we brought a picnic lunch.  It turns out we should have brought our swimsuits, too, because we found this:

It was utterly kid-friendly, this little wading area for families.  It was like “Beach for Beginners”, and Lucy loved it.  She and Dave wandered around for awhile and ended up swimming in their clothes for about an hour.  Oh, how I wished we knew about this from the start!  We would have done this on the first day and then she probably would have warmed up to the “big waves” at our beach not much longer after that.  Eli would have enjoyed sitting around in the shallowest parts of the water with me, too.  Oh well.  Maybe next time.

Looking back, I realized we did lots of things right on our kids’ first beach trip:

• We packed everything we needed for beach fun: towels, blankets, toys, sunscreen, beverages, and the camera.
• We knew not to include eating while on the beach.  Nothing’s worse than a sand-covered snack!  We scheduled beach time around eating times.
• We kept a flexible and positive attitude with every activity.
• We all looked really good.  Seriously, we’re a family with good fashion sense.   (Okay, I’m reaching, here…)

Here is what I learned to do for next time:

• Research what there is to do before leaving home!  Had we done this, we would have known how to introduce beachy fun to our young ones in a more effective manner.
• If possible, go in a month when it’s not quite as hot.  The water was a great temperature for swimming, but it was sweltering outside of it.  We looked for shade at every opportunity.

Some links on the subject:

• 10 Tips for Your Beach Vacation
• Packing Tips for Beach Trips
• Tips for Taking Your Toddler to the Beach
• Little Toddler Beach Bums

What about you, moms?  How have your beach endeavors fared this summer?  Any stories or tips that you’d like to share?

I recently hired two regular sitters for my kids when the fall semester starts up. We’ve always relied on family members to babysit for us, so this will be the first time we are trusting our children in the hands of non-family. This will also be the first time that I am regularly away from my children. Due to this upcoming change, I put together a handbook for our babysitters. When I was a babysitter, I would have LOVED it if my families left me with a handbook like this! I babysat for many years as a teenager and it was very hard to remember all of the last minute instructions parents left me as they were kissing their children goodbye. I can’t expect that a babysitter is going to remember when bedtime is, what to feed them for dinner, whether they need to bathe Susie first or give her a bottle first, etc…

I opened up my word processor and got to typing! For those of you who are crafty, I could totally see the handbook being done in a cute scrapbook style!  Mine is in a cheap, navy blue folder with prongs.  Some of this may be excessive, however I would rather be over-prepared than under-prepared.

So, what’s in my handbook?

Contact information

• Our full names
• Our home address and phone number
• Our cell phone numbers and my husband’s work phone number
• Emergency contact (Grandma) home/cell/work numbers

Rules

• I listed my children’s basic no-no’s (climbing on table, hitting each other, etc…)
• I gave basic household rules (no shoes on in our house, our policy on television, etc…)
• I gave the babysitter basic rules as well (keep stair gate and bathroom doors shut at all times, no smoking, guidelines on having visitors over, etc…)

Special instructions

• Potty/Diaper instructions-I listed where diapering materials are kept and instructions on what to do with dirty diapers. I also gave instructions on where the kids are at in potty training and instructions on when to let them sit on the potty.
• Outdoor instructions-I gave instructions on outdoor play. I asked that the sitter check for fire ants and check with me before hand if they wanted to play in the pool. I mentioned where the wagon is kept and other quick notes about outdoor play.
• Mealtime instructions-I noted where mealtime accessories are kept and a few notes about mealtime with my children.
• Bedtime instructions-I mentioned their nap schedule and bedtime routine. I most importantly noted that Darah must have her lovey for bedtime to be successful!
• Discipline instructions-I explained our discipline strategy with our children, located time-out and the buzzer for them, and explained which offenses deserved a time-out. I also explained redirection when time-out was over and what I expected from each child after time out (apology, hug, etc…)

List of foods

• I basically just listed the foods my children will eat so they don’t have to guess what to feed them if they need a meal or a snack.

Medical information

• I gave a complete list of all of our medical providers and specialists, including their addresses and phone numbers. This has been a handy list for myself!
• I typed up each child’s full name and their birthday and indicated if they have allergies and typed up the medications they are on. I also typed up their health issues, including a list of all surgeries and medical procedures and dates.
• Health insurance information, including copies of our insurance cards.
• Darah and Connor both carry a special card indicating their need for an antibiotic in case of an emergency due to their heart defects. I copied these for our babysitters.

More resources for creating a babysitter handbook:

Children’s Safety Zone Guide for Babysitters

Checklist for Preparing a New Babysitter

A Babysitter’s Guide to Babysitting for a child with diabetes

Printable Babysitter Checklist

What else would be beneficial in a babysitter handbook?

After I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago my husband and I had to decide when to tell people we are pregnant with our second. With the first baby we immediately told our family and a few close friends who knew we were trying. My mother-in-law’s Baby Radar is off the charts and we wanted to tell her before she figured it out herself. I waited to tell my job and the rest of the world until after my first appointment at the doctor’s office.

This time around we decided to birth at the San Antonio Birthing Center and my first appointment isn’t until I am 10 – 12 weeks along. We just can’t wait that long for confirmation before we tell everyone. Also, with me getting sick so early it is kind of hard to hide. So we told the world last week.

I know some people enjoy having a secret or choose to keep it a secret until they have more confirmation than a pee stick that everything is okay. I have never been through the loss of a pregnancy. I wouldn’t know if I would want the support of my friends if something horrible happens or if I would hate having to tell people over and over again what happened. I think this is one of the main reasons people wait to tell the world. Everyone’s situation is so different based on their previous experiences and the way they handle grief.

It all comes down to the time that you feel comfortable telling everyone. Also, as friends and family we she should never be insulted or upset when we hear that someone else is pregnant and has been for a long time. When someone chooses to tell you is completely up to them.

My husband and I aren’t the kind of people that can keep exciting news to ourselves. Two months ago I told a few friends that I thought I was pregnant only to get a full blown period a few days later and sending out a sheepish email saying I wasn’t after all. (I really think that when you get off the pill your hormones go all wacky.) I would definitely wait until you see the double pink lines before you tell people that you think you are pregnant.

When did you tell people you were pregnant? Was anyone ever insulted that you told them later in your pregnancy? 

Additional Resources:

BabyCenter: When should I tell family members that I’m pregnant?
Mothering: When to tell people that you are pregnant?
The Poop: When should you tell people you’re pregnant?

My husband and I are both big-time worriers. When we bought our television, you wouldn’t believe the contraption my husband built behind my armoire to secure it so that the children couldn’t pull the television on them. My son is still in a crib at night and not climbing out, so even though I’m big on baby-proofing, I still had a list of to-do’s in his bedroom. I haven’t been urgent about these to-dos because he is rarely in his bedroom out of his crib for more than a few seconds. Well, a few seconds is too long!

A few weeks ago, my son was playing in his room while I was in my bedroom and I heard a very loud crash. I ran into his room to find his dresser on top of him. Thankfully, he was fine and was not seriously hurt. Do you know what was in his top drawer? Furniture straps that I had already purchased to secure his dresser. Securing his dresser has been on my “list” for quite some time now and it took a very potentially dangerous incident to get us to make his room safe for him. This was one of those cases where I should have nagged my husband to get it done!

I am mortified that this happened and very embarrassed. BUT, hopefully you can learn from my mistake. Please take a look at your furniture and televisions and make sure that your little one cannot pull anything on top of them. 5,000 children go to the ER every year because of furniture or televisions falling on them. I decided not to look up the number of deaths because it’s just so sad to me. Please don’t wait like I did for an accident to happen. Your accident may not have the same outcome as ours!

It’s so simple to prevent furniture from tipping and very inexpensive. Some furniture comes with anti-tip straps. My curious toddler loves to open the drawers of his dresser. With the drawers open, he has the perfect climbing opportunity. This is how I think he pulled his dresser down.

To secure your furniture, televisions, and bookshelves, check out these items:

Safety 1st Furniture Wall Strap $4.29 (this is what we bought for our heavy furniture)

Anti Tip Furniture Strap by KidCo $3.49

Anti-slip Appliance Safety Straps $16.99 (for televisions, computers, microwaves, etc…)

What danger have you ignored with your children?

I recently watched a documentary called Raising Cain which is about some of the unique needs and issues that boys face today. It has some good insights in it-especially in understanding why boys seem to have more trouble in school than girls do. The documentary looks into the emotional needs of boys and how important the influence of men are in their lives.

My husband and I came up with this list together but he had most of the ideas. He has spent a lot of time thinking about how to raise 3 boys–all who have unique personalities and interests. I realize that some of you may not have a father in your sons’ lives but I hope this list helps you appreciate the men who are involved in your kids lives. Richard Rohr, author of Adam’s Return: The Five Promises of Male Initiation, after studying male initiation rites all over the world, says that all boys need men who are not their father to teach them what it means to be a man. So to all those men who are helping our sons become men–this is for you.

1. Play. When it is time for bath time at our house my two older sons ask every night, “do we have time for wrestling?” Every night. It is probably their favorite time of the day. During the day I let the boys climb on me but it just isn’t the same as rough housing with daddy or wrestling with their daddy. There is something fun for a boy when he gets to test his strength with daddy. Even though the boys know daddy is stronger, it gives them confidence when they can get a good wrestling move in on daddy. Jon uses that time for physical bonding and to teach them that they can get bonked around and have fun at the same time. I always hear squeals of laughter and delight and it makes my heart smile. You have probably noticed that men play much different than us moms do.

2. Modeling. Having different men involved in our sons’ lives models different examples of what it means to be a “man”. Having a variety of male influences in the lives of boys helps them to see that they can still be a man if they don’t like to play sports and prefer to read instead. My 4 year old loves being outside and trying out sports. He loves to run around and be active playing different outside games. My 3 year old will play along if we are doing a sports activity but his MO is books, stories, and imagination. Reading and playing imagination games really get him excited. Right now we just encourage play and trying lots of new things but I wonder if as they grow older my 4 year old will be more of a jock and my 3 year old will be more of an academic or creative person. There is a lot of pressure on young boys that they need to fulfill a certain criteria in order to be a man but they truth is that there is a huge spectrum of diversity in interests and talents. Which leads me to my next point….

3. Affirming emotions. “Boys/Men don’t cry” is probably one of the biggest lies that gets passed on to boys. Continuing to teach that to our boys is harmful but when a boy hears from a man that it is okay to have feelings (like sadness) and that it is okay to cry means much more to him than hearing it from his own mother. Jon has mentioned to me that it is a tough balance to teach boys how to both express those sadness feelings and also not be made fun of by peers. Boys learn how to express anger, sadness, and joy from watching other men. Tell the men in your sons lives to draw out their emotions and to affirm them.

4. Risk Taking. Us moms are the nurturers. We tend to tense up and shout out “Be Careful!” when our kids try something new–like climbing up the ladder for the first time at the playground. Our husbands and other men tend to hang back and tell the kids to go for it. Both are important. Kids definitely need nurturing but it goes against my nature to encourage a lot of risk taking. I appreciate that about my husband. I don’t want my sons to be wimps but I don’t think I would be able to teach them how to take a lot of physical or mental risks on my own.

5. Modeling Attitudes And Behaviors Toward Women. My husband is good about pointing out that they are to be respectful toward mommy. He is proactive in teaching the boys to honor women/girls and that they aren’t the “bad other”. It is a normal development when suddenly boys think girls are “yucky”. They start to realize that Barbie is for girls and girls like pink–and that stuff is “sooo yucky”. Sure, they learn it from social cues around them but when boys see other men treating women with respect they will learn it too. We don’t want our sons to think of women as weak or to patronize them but we do want our sons to be chivalrous and respectable young men.

I know that as my sons grow up it will be important for them to have other positive male influences in their lives. As they grow up I will encourage them to spend time with their grandpas, uncles, godparents, and family friends. We have often talked about having an all boys camping trip with some good friends of ours who have a son too (unfortunately we currently live across the country from them). I think creating opportunities for male bonding and influence will come more often as the boys grow older. Together we can shape these boys into the men we want to see them become.