The Mom Crowd

March is a big month for your contributors at The Mom Crowd: Amanda, our founder, just had her second child, and McKenna is going to Eastern Europe for the first time to meet her new daughter (for the first time!)  When Amanda asked for guest posters to step in and share their wisdom, the response was phenomenal.  Keep coming back to The Mom Crowd every day for fabulous information, tips, stories, and inspiration! 

Kristi has an admitted coffee addiction and lately has been indulging in an occasional spoonful of chocolate frosting straight out of the can.  When she is not chasing her 1 year old around the house, trying to keep him from eating electrical cords or learning about the life cycle of frogs with her 3 year old, she enjoys teaching ladies’ Bible studies, talking about Biblical womanhood, and blogging at Run the Earth, Watch the Sky. 

I am one of those crazy people who make their own baby food.  Yes, one of those.  You know the kind:  I pull out my baby food at restaurants and grind up steamed carrots (ordered with no seasoning, no butter, please!) while my friends look on with an incredulous look that says, “We knew you were weird, Kristi, but this…?”

Why did I do this (for two babies, so far)?  Obviously, every new mom is a little fanatical when it comes to health and safety.  We dutifully pick up every single thing that falls on the floor and sanitize it.  We carefully boil or sterilize everything that will enter our child’s mouth.  I was no different, and the thought of feeding my baby unrecognizable vegetable-based substances that are who-knows-how-old from a jar that has been who-knows-where did not sit well with me.

These thoughts were confirmed the first time that I tasted jarred baby food – wow!  That stuff is bad!  I was used to tasting my daughter’s homemade purees, and I was shocked when the jarred butternut squash tasted more like dirt than anything resembling a fresh vegetable.  She obviously agreed, because she wanted nothing to do with that orange muck coming toward her mouth!

So, I chose to make my own baby food for health reasons and taste.  That, and let’s face it: we are extremely cheap.  Those little jars of baby food seem cheap when you’re standing in the grocery aisle, but when your baby starts eating 3 or 4+ jars a day, suddenly that adds up fast!  For example, you could buy a five pound bag of carrots for $2.99 and end up with 36 servings of baby food.  If you buy carrots in the cute little plastic containers, it would cost you $18.00 for that much!  Yikes!

So, here’s what to do:  (it’s very complicated, so take notes)

1. Get some vegetables or fruit
2. Cook them until they’re soft
3. Puree them in a blender or food processor
4. Freeze them in ice cube trays
5. Pop them into labeled plastic freezer bags

Presto!  Tricky, isn’t it? 

Most people seem to feel more comfortable with the little jars and containers for some reason.  I am frequently asked how you know what to feed the kids.  My suggestion?  Go to the grocery store and look at “level one” foods.   What are they?  Buy them.  Cook them.  Repeat the steps above.  You can even buy one jar to check the consistency if it makes you feel more comfortable.  Trust me, Gerber does not have some magical formula for carrots.  They use: carrots!

Another great benefit to making your own baby food is the ease of transition to other foods – once they are ready for ‘chunkier’ foods, just do a quick, coarse puree and freeze them in ice cube trays.  I have also found that silicone muffin cups work great once they start eating larger servings.  Once they’re ready for finger foods, just chop the vegetable/fruit into chunks and freeze them.  As your children get older, start grinding/mashing up whatever you’re eating for dinner, and they automatically learn to eat what the rest of the family eats.  I will usually pull a portion out before I add salt, etc.

You can do this!  Your baby will thank you (well, maybe not.  But you’ll feel good about it!) and so will your wallet!

If you want a book that spells out what to do when, and gives you more specific ideas and pictures of the purees, I love First Meals by Annabel Karmel.  I also like www.wholesomebabyfood.com.  In addition, you can check out Amanda’s post on making baby food.

Do you make your own baby food?  Do you have any qualms about taking the plunge?

I was sent a copy of Jean Blackmer’s book, BOY-STEROUS LIVING, to read and write a review.  I have to tell you that I really enjoyed reading this book.  I read it in one evening cover to cover.  Jean Blackmer is a mother of 3 sons, just like me.  She is a writer and publishing manager for MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International.

 I don’t assume that everyone who reads The Mom Crowd is a Christian, but I do need to tell you that this book is written from a Christian perspective. Each chapter begins with an anecdote and usually points to a passage of the Bible for a small bit of teaching. All the chapters end with a “deeper note” which suggests some fun things you can do to connect with your boys or has some questions to get you thinking about your relationship with them. The chapters are short and easy to read. It is one of those books that you can flip through and read whatever chapter title jumps out at you. One thing I appreciated about this book was that it wasn’t all about how you need to make yourself a better Christian or mother–it wasn’t about meeting standards that are impossible to achieve. It is simply a practical, funny look about what life is like when you have a house full of boys.

I found many of the topics she writes about to be true, for example, in Chapter 2 she talks about how boys and risk taking go hand in hand. And how us mothers worry. A lot. She points out that risk taking or fearlessness isn’t bad–but foolish risk taking is. We can teach our boys the difference between being fearless and foolish. Another thing she talks about in Chapter 7 is how important it is for us mommies to spend time with other women. That is so true in my life, and I predict that it will become even more true as my boys grow up to be teenagers. So far my 4 and 5 year old like to sit around and talk about the things that interest them. If I am lucky they will still enjoy sitting around with their mom and talking about fun stuff–but from what I understand (and she mentions this in the book) boys may hit an age where they run out of words and don’t want to answer a bunch of my questions about their friends, what they learned at school, who they talked to, or didn’t talk to–you get the point. I’ll have to give them more space to be themselves and not expect them to relate to me in the same way my girlfriends do.

As I was reading the book, I was inspired to spend more time DOING things with my boys like playing legos, looking for bugs, pretending to talk with a certain action figure, riding bikes, playing soccer, hockey, and being with them while they play on the computer. My boys (husband included) love adventure and even though I’d sometimes rather hang out inside and read, I know that DOING things with them will help us to bond together and create memories. I get tired (okay, and sometimes bored) when I am pretending to be Yoda or Bumblebee (shout out to Star Wars and Transformers!) but for now it is a way to connect with them. 

 In Chapter 15 Blackmer talks about the importance of letting Dads be Dads without interfering. If you are the primary caretaker of your children then you know the ins and outs of all the daily things in life (he likes mustard, NOT mayonaise…she takes a nap with the puppy but sleeps with the bear at bedtime…he’s been scared of Barney for weeks, why did you let him watch THAT?!…she naps at 12:30 not 1…) and when we leave our children with their daddies sometimes we have a tendency to communicate that they don’t know how to take care of their own children. It is true, sometimes they don’t but when we criticize and don’t let them doing things differently without freaking out can you blame them when they give up trying? Or get upset with us for telling them they are doing it wrong and then don’t give them a chance to figure it out themselves? This is not as hard for me as it used to be but I still struggle with it somtimes. She points out that every father and son need a chance to develop their own relationship (I know it is true for girls too but this post is about boys) and sometimes, as hard as it can be, we need to step aside and let them figure it out.

As I read the book I laughed and cried. My husband was sitting next to me on the couch and enjoyed the excerpts I read to him. Having boys is a blast and I appreciated a reminder of all the reasons why as I read this book. It could make a great gift to a mom that has boys!

 Do you have any “boy” stories? How do you manage to be surrounded by boys in your house? What about you moms that have teenage boys?  How do you relate to them?  What about you that have both boys and girls–what differences do you notice?

According to Wikipedia, a Helicopter Parent is someone who:

 “pays extremely close attention to his or her child’s or children’s experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. These parents rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling them and will not let them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children’s wishes. They are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not.”

 Some practical examples of being a helicopter parent are:

• Driving your child to school if he/she misses the bus
• Taking your child’s homework up to school if he/she forgets it at home
• Waking your child up every morning when they are old enough to use an alarm clock
• Not allowing your child to fail at a project (finishing the project so it gets a good grade)
• Giving your child more lunch money even though he spent it unwisely earlier in the week
• Making excuses for the child why her homework wasn’t complete and begging the teacher to give the child another chance or a passing grade
• Settling all normal childhood battles for the child

 Helicopter parents try to save their children from the hardships of the world and try too hard to make everything in the child’s life pain free and perfect. Helicopter parents love their children very much.  They don’t want to see their children sad or suffering and feel like helping them out is the loving thing to do. Unfortunately, the result of helicopter parenting is that children grow up without knowing how to be responsible (because mommy and daddy have been doing all the rescuing!) and believe that they are incapable of doing anything.  The children learn that they absolutely can’t make it in life without mommy and daddy. 

Drill Sergeant Parents believe that they can make their children do whatever the parent says to do. Drill Sergeant parenting incorporates threats and punishment in order to make the child do what the parent wants.  The parent wants all the control and believes that the more control he/she has, the more likely the child is to obey. Unfortunately, there are many things you cannot “make” a child do.  These parents have children who don’t really learn how to make good decisions—they only learn how to avoid getting in trouble or get a reward.  Children of drill sergeants have a difficult time thinking for themselves because their parents do all the thinking for them. 

Some practical examples of being a drill sergeant are:

• Barking orders to clean up toys, bedrooms etc.
• Yelling—especially at bedtime when the children aren’t going to bed like they are supposed to.
• Continuous power struggles (homework, chores, talking back)

Drill Sergeants love their children too.  They just believe that they can make their children do what they want by bossing them around.  Unfortunately, the downfalls of drill sergeant parenting is communicating to the child that he/she can’t think for him/herself and that he/she isn’t capable of making it in life either. 

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  It is possible to be a helicopter to one child and a drill sergeant to a different child in your family.  I have recently discovered this myself.  I have been more of a drill sergeant to my oldest son-who by the way only digs his heels into the ground more when I try to boss him around.  And I am much more of a helicopter to my second child.  He is 4 and fully capable of putting on his own shoes and coat but there I am doing it for him because he starts whining that he “just can’t do it by himself.” So basically, I am a recovering helicopter drill sergeant. 

I have been taking a class called Love And Logic that has been marvelous and revolutionary in my relationship with my children!  Love and Logic was created by Jim Fay, Foster Cline, M.D. and Charles Fay, Ph.D.  They have several books available as well as some seminars you can go to.  There are certified Love and Logic teachers available all over the country who teach the course.

The goal of Love and Logic is to teach parents how to be Consultants to their children.  Consultant parents communicate to their children,  “You’d best do your own thinking because the quality of your life has a lot to do with your decisions.” Consultant parents don’t tell their kids what to do.  (Mind blowing-I tell you!) Consultants are excited about the opportunities that come along in life where children make mistakes—because it is an opportunity for the child to learn (not be rescued!).  Consultant parents are always there to give advice (not lectures!) but let their children make their own decisions and fail or succeed. 

Love and Logic is practical for toddlers through teenagers.  The techniques work and I am going save some of my own successes for another post next week.   They have books that help with teens, toddler-kindergarten, even for a classroom setting. Their website has some video clips that will help you get a taste of their style.  It won’t give you too much information though—just enough to make you ask for more. 

So, have you ever heard of Love and Logic?  Do you know anyone that does Love and Logic with their kids?  Are you a helicopter, drill sergeant, or consultant? Sound intriguing? 

If you are interested in the marketing perspective of baby products, then Pamela Paul’s “Parenting, Inc.” is a great read for you. The tagline on the front of the book reads, “How we are sold on $800 strollers, fetal education, baby sign language, sleeping coaches, toddler couture, and diaper warmers – and what it means for our children.” The author shares her own anecdotes while breaking down the history of various baby phenomenons such as baby mega stores, edutainment, and the InStyle-ization of parenthood.

The book begins by tackling the question of – Should the decision of having a child be based a family’s financial status? Then Paul breaks down the cost of having children in today’s world versus the world of our parents. Apparently costs started rising in the 1980s when baby boomers entered parenthood.

The first chapter titled “The Mother Load” is an interesting look into how baby mega stores like Buybuy Baby and Babies R Us came into existence in the 1990s. According to the book the “ ‘mom market’ is said to be 1.7 trillion, with the toy industry for babies birth to age two alone generating $700 million a year.” It is not surprising to hear these numbers if you have ever walked into the toy section of Target or a Babies R Us.

I found the history recount of baby formula fascinating in the second chapter titled, “Target: Parents.”  German chemist, Justus von Liebig, was the first to create a baby formula in 1867.  The product grew from that year forward and really took off in the 1950s. In 1974 deceptive marketing practices such as sales people dressing up as nurses in Africa to promote the product were uncovered and many people boycotted Nestle. In response to the boycott Nestle came out with the DHA/ARA supplement in formula as a new way to market its formula. The chapter recognizes the benefits of formula while spilling its history and how it is marketed to parents.

The third chapter breaks down the Baby Einstein phenomenon and how toys and television shows are created to educate children. Basically, parents shouldn’t really expect shows and toys to educate our kids and parents are the best teachers. Even though some parents feel inadequate and don’t feel like they are doing a good job, they truly are the most effective teachers that a child has.

The ‘Pampered’ chapter explains how the price point of strollers and designer cribs were raised and the media’s growing interest in celebrity babies. Particularly intriguing is how celebrities are given tons of free products in hope that they will be photographed by the paparazzi. So when they are seen with a certain stroller it may not be the safest or best product available, it may have been the closest one to the door before they left. This chapter also gives us insight into the new trend of junior country clubs.

Other chapters cover the marketing behind baby classes, outsourcing parenthood, birthday party trends, the benefits of a hyper-marketing culture, and so much more.

The author concludes by stating that we need to teach our children that their worth is not derived from material things. Children will benefit more from what we deny them and teaching delayed gratification rather than buying all the newest and greatest products. Overall, ‘Parenting, Inc.’ is current, well written, very well researched and easy to read if you are interested in the subject matter.

Postpartum doula services have been around for several years now.  When I hear of women talk about doulas they usually refer to birth doulas and not postpartum doulas.  I know that most of our readers are moms—some of you pregnant with your first child, others with your second, third (or more!), or have friends who are pregnant.  I thought that I would highlight some of the benefits of a postpartum doula for any of you who are interested in hiring one for yourself, a friend, or a family member.

For any readers who are not familiar with a birth doula (Greek for “a woman who serves”), a doula is hired by a mother and father to provide additional labor support to the mother.  The doula’s job is not to take away from the father’s role during the birth, but is there to offer suggestions for coping with contractions and to help the parents follow their birth plan.  A birth doula also provides emotional support and helps parents make informed decisions during the birth.

A postpartum doula helps with newborn care, breastfeeding, meal preparation, some light housework, help siblings, and general education of caring for newborns. One of the couples (and now friends) from my birth classes had a difficult birth and decided to hire a postpartum doula to help with the transition of becoming a mother and being at home with the baby.  The mother and father have their own business so the dad wasn’t able to take a huge amount of time off to help her recover from the birth and take care of her and the baby.  Their extended family situation is unique (and not necessarily helpful) and they felt like they would benefit from the services of a postpartum doula.

The doula service they hired required a minimum of 15 hours and the hours of service are flexible.  My friend has found it to be such a blessing.  It has been great for my friend to not have to worry about making lunches or doing some simple tidying around the house.  In my birth class we cover newborn care in the last class.  I pass out a worksheet that covers how much time it takes to take care of a baby (and yourself). Parents are usually surprised that taking care of a baby takes so much time away from those daily tasks of laundry and meal making.  Hiring a postpartum doula can take some of that extra stress away from the new parents.

As she was telling me her birth story and talking about her postpartum doula, I thought that hiring a postpartum doula for a 2nd, 3rd, or even 4th time mom would be a blessing.  Most mammas get a baby shower when they are pregnant with their first baby.  And many mammas have friends and family who arrange for meals to be brought to the house after a baby arrives.  I thought that in addition to bringing meals that a group of friends could pool some money together and hire a postpartum doula for a friend.  1st time or 4th time mammas would benefit from such a great gift!

Postpartum doulas are often flexible in their schedules and can come a few times a week, a few hours daily or however a family wants to work it. Doulas are professionals who have received several hours of training and are trained to be supportive to a family’s parenting style.  If you are planning on hiring a doula for your postpartum care, you can interview or meet them before choosing them.  To find a postpartum doula in your area you can go to the DONA website and look up more information on doulas.

So, what do you think?  Have you had a postpartum doula? Know anyone who has?  What was your experience?

- photo courtesy of genevieve_southern