The Mom Crowd

Let’s face it, some days life as a mom is harder than others. It doesn’t matter if you are a stay at home mom or a working mom. Life’s demands and the sacrifices it takes to love and raise our children can take a toll on us emotionally and physically. We get stressed.

I know for me there are certain things that trigger stress. My short list is: a baby that doesn’t nap well, running late for preschool (or anything for that matter), when children don’t follow directions– especially when they don’t want to get dressed and THAT is making us run late, when dinner needs to be made and the baby needs to nurse at the same time which then makes bedtimes for the older boys later than they should be, listening to the boys fight over toys, a crying baby, the long gray winter here in Pittsburgh. And that is just the short list! Hopefully it didn’t stress you out to read it.

I have learned that if everything goes the way I want it to then I won’t get stressed but that isn’t reality! I do sometimes wish the world revolved around me but I am sure it is in the best interest of the rest of the world that it doesn’t.

Since adding a third child to our family I have experienced the stress of how it has changed our family. Family dynamics and roles change with every child added and we are finally adjusting to life with a third child.

Sometimes I find myself thinking about the Serenity Prayer. It goes like this; God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (the gray weather day after day, when boys decide to be selfish and not share, when the baby won’t go to sleep on his own), the courage to change the things I can (getting up a little earlier to get everyone ready to get out the door, being consistent in using discipline or sleep strategies, thinking about dinner earlier in the day instead of 4pm), and the wisdom to know the difference.

There are no easy answers to eliminating stress or reducing it but I did want to share some things that work for me.

1. Go to bed early. TV, the computer, or a good book are a terrible temptation for me and I often unwisely stay up too late instead of choosing to get more sleep. I am laughing at myself because it is a little after 11pm and I am writing this post!

2. Exercise. We have had some posts on incorporating exercise into our lives. We all know exercise is good for us. Sometimes it is hard to choose to do good for ourselves but it does help us emotionally and physically. Nothing like a good run or workout after a stressful day.

3. Eat healthy. I know that when I feel stressed I start craving sugar and find myself digging in the candy stash. Filling our tummies with sugar and fatty foods can make us feel sluggish and lethargic. Eating healthy helps us have energy to chase our kids around.

4. Be consistent. When I am consistent in discipline (giving consequences in a patient tone of voice) with my kids it makes a huge difference. I have recently read a parenting book called Parenting with Love and Logic and am about to take a parenting class on the book. The book is about offering choices to your children to encourage responsibility and good decision making. When I offer choices and give them age appropriate control over things in their lives it makes discipline much easier and there are fewer battles. There will definitely be a post on the class and book!

4. Think ahead. Easier said than done, I know, but this is a HUGE one for me. It applies to several of my stress triggers. I like to tell the boys what we have planned for the day in the morning. As the days chugs along I try to let them know ahead of time what we are doing next and what my expectations are. That includes letting them know we are going to playgroup and that it will be time to get dressed soon. Sometimes I set a timer and let them know that when the timer goes off it is their time to get dressed. That works really well. It is the times I forget to tell them what we are doing ahead of time that I get the most resistance to getting ready to go somewhere. I find myself telling the boys my expectations for them as we are close to arriving at our destination. For example, when we are getting home after family lunch day at Jon’s school I tell them, “Boys, when we get inside I will need you to take your coats off, hang them on the hook, find your blankies, and head upstairs for naptime.” If I wait to tell them what the plan is, they get in the door and want to head straight for the toys. Then chaos ensues and rebellion happens.

5. Ask for help. A hard one, I know. As a mom I know I feel like I have to be SuperWoman and do it all perfectly without asking for help. If it stresses you out running errands with your kids ask one of your mom friends to do a kid swap. You drop off your kids with her for a few hours so you can run errands kid free and then return the favor for her. If dinner time stresses you out and you have a little extra money for meals you could try something like Super Suppers and make a months worth of meals for the freezer. If your husband is like mine, he will love helping in the kitchen by pulling something out of the freezer. I have not ever tried an assemble your own meal company but my friends that have all love them. I did make several meals for the freezer before I had Graham to pull out during stressful times.

6. Let it go. This is one of the hardest ones for me. If Graham is getting to that overtired state, which I always try to avoid, I start getting stressed out and my tone deteriorates with the older two. My patience decreases with any dawdling or disobedience. I have to remind myself that if Graham has a hard time napping or takes a short one that it is not the end of the world–no matter how much it feels like it. I know that sleep is very important for children and when kids overtired I know be the one to deal with the crankiness that comes with too little sleep. I tell myself that it is one nap and we will make it through just fine. I can’t control everything and I often have to tell myself that. Learning to let go has been an especially good lesson for me to embrace since having a third child. I had a lot of problems with my milk supply with Graham and had to end up supplementing which was heartbreaking for me. The emotional impact had gotten so great that I was very irritable and snapping at the boys during the day. When I let go of my too high expectations on myself and motherhood I felt the burden lift.

7. Find some ME time during the day. I know if I take just 10 minutes to have some silence during the day it can make a huge difference in how I feel. If I am lucky enough for all 3 boys to be napping at the same time I try to nap too but I often find myself taking a few minutes to sit on the couch looking out the window and enjoying the peace of a quiet house. If everyone is sleeping it is a great time to pick up toys, clean the kitchen, wipe the table, switch the laundry and so on and so on. You know how it is! I have to remind myself that I will feel less stressed if I have a few minutes to do something I enjoy, like reading a magazine or book. Sometimes I take extra time in the shower just because it may be the only time I have by myself all day long.

8. Encourage other moms. We really need that encouragement from each other! We know how it can be day in and day out and kind words of encourage might make a mom’s day. For ideas on how to encourage your friends check out Amanda’s post, “30 Ways to Encourage Your Mom Friends.”

What kinds of “mom things” trigger stress for you? How do you cope with it? What works for you?