The Mom Crowd

I often hear other parents say, “They just grow up so fast!” I believe that statement is true from how quickly these nine months have passed for me. Before we know it our kids will be out of the house in college and even married with their own children. It’s hard to think about! When our kids are being cute and adorable we want them to stay little forever. Of course, when we are struggling with potty training and feeding times we can’t wait for them to grow up and potty and eat by themselves.

When our children learn to be independent adults and move out of the house we may be faced with Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS). Psychology Today describes Empty Nest Syndrome as “feelings of depression, sadness, and/or grief experienced by parents and caregivers after children come of age and leave their childhood homes.” According to Ruth Rusk at EmptyNestMoms.com the feelings of sadness can begin when our children are self-sufficient teenagers, because we miss the children they once were when they were younger.

My sister was the last one to leave my parents home four years ago and my mom is still dealing with the affects of ENS. It is hard to see my mom sad. I live four hours away and do what I can to help. All I know is that I need to be prepared before my children leave, so I can deal with the sadness and grief in a healthy manner. I know all the preparations I do now may not completely help me, but the sting will be less.

It’s hard to think about our children growing up and having lives of their own. It’s even hard to think about being that old! But it is going to happen and we need to be ready.

Here are five things that we can do that will help us be well-rounded adults now and have fulfilling lives when our children are grown.

• Keep up with your friends.

Now that I am a mom it is really easy to get distracted with daily living. We have to make an effort to keep up with our friends, especially friends that don’t have kids or are single. One of my single friends comes over every Wednesday to watch Project Runway with me. It’s perfect because my baby is asleep and we can relax and have a good time. We need to take extra care not to get so wrapped up in our children that we don’t alienate any of our friends. I have seen friendships end because one of the couples would only talk about their baby. When we hang out with our friends we shouldn’t be all baby all the time. When your children leave you will still have friends, because you made the effort to stay in contact.

• Continue your hobbies or find your special talent.

If you have a hobby don’t stop just because you have children. Sometimes it is hard to make it priority and time is a luxury, so do it when you can. Do it after they go to sleep or on the weekends during special daddy time. Whatever your favorite pastime is do it! Personally I am a Social Scrapbooker. I only scrapbook when I am with other people, but I enjoy it! Make time to read, make cards, play music, sew, take photos, write creatively, make crafts, or travel with your little one. You don’t have to pause what you love just because you have kids. You can even teach them your passion or make a kid version of your hobby. Your favorite pastime can enhance your life now and later when you have the house back.

• Get dressed and put on your make-up.

Maybe I have watched too many ‘What Not to Wear’ shows, but I have learned that just because I am a stay at home mom I don’t have to dress like one. I heard too many times on that show how an extra few minutes to think about what I wear that day and putting on a little make-up would make me feel infinitely better. I know when I am having a crappy day I dress up to feel more confident in myself. When your kids are gone you won’t have to search for your identity through your clothing if you have kept yourself up the entire time your kids were home.

• Go on dates with your spouse and don’t talk about the kids.

We need to preserve our relationships with our husbands because when the kids are gone we will be alone with them once again. It is going to be much easier to transition to an empty nest with your best friend and partner by your side. We can preserve our relationship by going out and not talking about the children. You don’t have to have a specific night of the week. We go out when we feel like we need it. We just let each other know when one of us wants to go out and we schedule it. As women we wear many hats at one time. Take time to take off all others and only wear the Wife Hat once in a while.

• Prepare yourself mentally for life after the kids leave home.

We can’t live in denial that our children aren’t going to grow up. As parents we want the best for our kids and I think the best we could wish for them is to grow up to have happy adult lives. We need to be prepared to let our children grow up and respect their decisions. There will still be times when we need to speak our concern, but over small matters we need to be prepared to let them live their lives. We can pray for our childrens’ future now. One of my friend’s daughters is doing awesome in college and has even found her perfect future husband. I asked her for some wisdom and she told me it was all because of prayer. I know her to be a praying woman and she certainly motivated me to pray for my daughter’s future now. Living in the reality that one day our babies won’t always be home with us and being ready for the day they leave home may not take all the sadness of that day away, but hopefully it will make the grieving process a little shorter.

Do you have a favorite hobby? Do you and your spouse take time out for each other? Have you thought about the time when your children won’t be living with you anymore?