The Mom Crowd

Many of us don’t have time to read the paper or watch the news. (Most of it is fear-mongering anyway, but that is an entirely different story.) So I am sharing some headlines that have been in the news lately that may be of interest of interest to us moms. Starting off with one of my most favorite foods on the planet, cereal. Seriously, do you remember that episode of Seinfeld with Janeane Garofalo where she even orders cereal at a restaurant and eats it for lunch? I am close to loving cereal that much.

• Consumer Reports Rates 27 Different Kids Cereal – Based on the cereal’s fiber, sugar, calories, and nutritional content in a serving the top four cereals are plain Cheerios, Kix, Life, and Honey Nut Cheerios (yay!). The worst cereals are Post’s Golden Crisp and Kellogg’s Honey Smacks, Apple Jacks, Fruit Loops, Cap’n Crunch, and Pops. You have to be a member of Consumer Reports to get the full report, but WebMD does a good job summarizes the report.

• New Blood Tests During Early Pregnancy for Down syndrome – Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences came out with a report yesterday from a few doctors who are testing the pregnant mother’s blood, because some of the fetus’ blood ends up in the mother’s blood. They are looking for extra chromosomes usually found in Down syndrome, Edward syndrome, Patau syndrome. They are hoping that their findings will help women be tested as early as 5 weeks and lessen the need for more invasive tests that could lead to miscarriages. For me, I can see the need for this, but it doesn’t effect me. I just recently turned down all those tests in my own pregnancy. I am going to have the baby either way. My fear is that almost 9o% of women diagnosed with a fetus with Down syndrome abort the baby. When they do get the DS confirmation and abort, the baby is pretty far along. So if this test does become common and women find out at 5 weeks that their baby has Down syndrome will the abortion rate rise or fall?

• Letting Your Newborn Sleep With a Fan On May Reduce the Risk of SIDS – According to the report, “Young infants who sleep in bedrooms with fans have a lower risk of sudden infant death syndrome than babies who sleep in less well-ventilated rooms, new research shows. Investigators concluded that sleeping with a fan lowers SIDS risk by more than 70%.” The article says that a fan is not a substitute for placing them on their backs. The reports are interesting, because I know SIDS was a fear of mine and I am up for anything I can do reduce the risk. I am not sure I will be militant about this for my next little one, but it is something to consider.

• More Controversy over Cough and Cold Meds for Children – We have already covered previous FDA findings here and here. Now the New York Times is reporting, “manufacturers of pediatric cough and cold medicines announced Tuesday that they would voluntarily change their products’ labels to say that they should not be used in children under the age of 4.” The FDA is considering taking some cough and cold medications off the shelves and making them available by prescription. However, none of this would actually take place for a few years if it did happen. The FDA also fears that adults will then give their children medication meant for adults instead and over medicating them. My daughter is still under 2, so I haven’t used any of them on her. I am more of a Tylenol and home remedy kind of mom.

What is your favorite cereal? Would you start using a fan now for reduce the risk of SIDS? Has the news about cough and cold medications changed your mind about using them? Or do you find that they work?

About a month ago, I started having horrible nausea.  This nausea is unmistakable.  It is the exact same nausea I had with my pregnancies.  It consisted of the dry throat, the marker stomach turns, and the hope that you’ll throw up because you think it may relieve some of the nausea.  For me, it came on worse in the afternoons and kept getting worse until I finally gave in and went to bed.  No, I was not/am not pregnant!  However, the only way I could describe this nausea was comparing it to morning sickness. This nausea was exactly like the morning sickness I experience with my pregnancies.  Anyone who has had morning sickness knows it comes with its own unmistakable trademark.

Ahhhhh….I had just committed to adopting baby Reese. Calling it “morning sickness” makes a little sense.  My body was reacting to the fact that we are preparing for a baby and we had just made a very HUGE committment and were walking into the unknown journey of adoption.  So, I started googling.  I could not find ANYTHING about other adoptive mothers experiencing symptoms similar to morning sickness.  So, then I just assumed I had gone off the deep end and created the nausea in my head.

However, then I started thinking about it a little more and decided I wasn’t completely crazy.  Here’s some things I know that made me realize this was not just “psychosomatic morning sickness.”

1. I had just begun preparing for a new baby.  Even though my body was not pregnant, it makes sense that preparing for a child through adoption could trigger hormonal reactions, which could have triggered the nausea I experienced.
2. I was under a lot of stress during those first two weeks and was anxiously trying to understand what our next steps were supposed to be in our adoption process.  I will credit the fact that stress, anxiety, and life changes can cause nausea.
3. Sometimes men have “sympathetic morning sickness” when their wives are experiencing morning sickness which tells me that if a man’s body can have a similar reaction just by osmosis, an adopting mother’s adoption morning sickness can definitely be a real thing!

So, knowing these three things, I started feeling better about myself.  I will admit that I am a bit dingy in some areas, like I leave my keys in my front door when I come in from running errands (don’t tell any robber friends!), I have a tendency to bump my leg into my table corner at least once a day (there’s a constant bruise to prove it), and I sometimes call a friend at 5pm to tell her something only to be reminded that I already told her that in our morning conversation (yes, that happened today!)  However I don’t think I’ve officially lost it. I think my theory on “Adoption Morning Sickness” makes sense.

We are now a month in to our adoption process and everything is going so smoothly!  I am no longer experiencing nausea anymore. I guess you could compare this stage of our adoption process to the second trimester of a pregnancy!  I feel good again and things are moving along.

What do you think?  Am I just in denial about my mental health or do you think I have a theory going?  Have you adopted and did you experience something similar in the beginning?  

One of our readers recently sent us this question about sending her son for an overnight stay with his father.

Hi, I wonder if anyone can give me any advice. I separated from my son’s father when I was in early pregnancy. He has had a little contact with him, one visit once a week sometimes once a fortnight. He is now asking for my son to stay with him every other weekend. Naturally at the moment I am planning on telling him that he needs to get more used to his father being around before I can even consider it but I’m probably being really selfish and I don’t want him to go to stay there at all. I don’t think his father will be able to cope and he lives an hour or so away. I’m petrified something bad will happen. Can anyone relieve my fears and give me advice on how to deal with it and how to get my son used to his father being around? I just don’t know what to say.

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Here is my sister-in-law’s, Denise, response to the question. I asked Denise to write up a response, because I know that she has been in that same situation. I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of fears I would have sending my little one off and establishing a new kind of relationship.

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When my ex-husband decided he wanted a divorce I was shocked. My first reaction was that he would never see our daughter again. That was obviously not a rational thought. Whatever happened between us she was still ‘our’ child, he had not done anything illegal, and he wanted to be in her life.

Our split happened when she was 2 1/2. She was not ready for an overnight visit at that age. It began with him taking her for 6 hour visits at a time, usually on Saturdays. The next step was a one night visit. Progressively we made it to a Friday-Sunday visit.

Before any of that could happen he and I sat down to discuss ground rules beyond the divorce decree. Things like where and when he would pick her up and drop her off.  I wanted consistency.
The one thing that helped me get through all of this has been remembering that she is not just my child. Even thought he had wronged me, I couldn’t penalize our daughter for. She needed/wanted to see her father on a regular basis. When we sat down I asked him to make the decision to either be in her life or not. I told him he couldn’t do it half way, that would not be fair to her. Another important issue was where he stayed, it needed to be kid friendly and safe.

After all of that was settled and she went with him for the first time I had to deal with my emotions. The first few times I was terrified, I cried, and I let my imagination get away from me. What I did the next time was plan things for myself, things that kept my mind busy.
All of this seems to have worked. I have nothing more than a working relationship with her father but she is a well adjusted teenager now. She knows that things did not work out between us  but she also knows that both of us lover her fully.

Things have not always been perfect between her father and I. There were many time when we had discussions abot her care but they were just discussions. We made sure not to have them in front of her. I worked very hard not to let my personal feelings for him get in the way.
I know that this answer is long winded and may not fit your personal situation perfectly but hopefully you can take something away that will help you!

Have any of you been in this situation? How did you handle it? 

Today I picked up our family’s copy of 1001 Things Your Kids Should See & Do for the first time in a long time.  It was inspiring and encouraging, because it gave me some good ideas and reminded me that I am doing a pretty good job of being a mom so far.   (Sometimes, I’m just a little too hard on myself.)  On the other hand, it showed me that I can’t even do (or haven’t yet done) some of the things on the list.  Ruh-roh!

Some random selections:

• “No. 28:  They need to see you struggle with difficulties.”  This one resonates with me a lot lately; the kids have seen my hubby & I struggling with bills, physical pain, and a fire where my hubby works.  And all of this was just in the past week!  As much as I want to put on a happy face for them, it just isn’t possible every minute of the day.  What they’ll remember is how we handled that stress.
• “No. 53:  They need to listen to Mozart or Beethoven every morning before school.”  Now if only I can find some Mozart or Beethoven!
• “No. 85:  They need to stand up when meeting an adult.  And shake hands while looking them in the eye.”  I like this.  I would love to meet a child (or teenager!) who can do this.  It is so rare.  And it is obvious from a lot of adults I meet that this skill is not taught that often.
• “No. 105:  They need to give up their bedroom to visiting friends and relatives.  It’s good practice for future giving.”  It sure is.  This one challenges me.  We have company coming in a few days and the thought has actually crossed my mind to give them our room.  But that means I’d have to clean EVERY room in the house!  Ha!   This is probably not so practical with a 2-year old and a 1-year old.  So I’ll bookmark this idea for a few years from now.
• “No. 148:  They need to RSVP.  It doesn’t matter what it stands for, it simply shows whether they were raised by wolves or not.”  Amen!  My hubby posts a lot of his youth group activities on Facebook (where they all hang out when they’re not actually hanging out), and most kids can’t even be bothered to check the “maybe” box, let alone “yes” or “no”!  I’ve often said that RSVP-ing is a dying art; my poor friends used to host a dinner at their house every Tuesday night and they’d never know if they’d be cooking for 2 or 20.  Guess what?  They don’t do Tuesday night dinners anymore.    It’d be great if current parents would commit to teaching their children that simply saying “yes” or “no” to an invitation is courteous and essential.

If you have this book, what’s a tip you like?  I’ll be posting more of these in the coming weeks.

No one likes switching doctors. It is a pain to do–especially when you are pregnant but sometimes it is worth it. There is no rule that says that you can’t switch providers during your pregnancy. Some women put up with poor service from their doctors or their staff because they feel the hassle of changing providers is too complicated. And we feel guilty and don’t want to make anyone feel bad. Some women stay with their doctors for future pregnancies even if their doctor left a bad taste in their mouth from their first pregnancy. Well ladies, I am here to encourage you to break free and find a provider that you feel comfortable with, that doesn’t make medical decisions based on their fear of being sued, and who will support the choices you want to make during your pregnancy or well-woman health care.

Even if you aren’t interested in an unmedicated, natural birth, there are some things to look out for that tell you a doctor has a bad habit of meddling in labor when it isn’t necessary. It is important for us to voice our concerns to the people we trust for our healthcare. I cannot even begin to stress how important it is for us to also take charge and responsibility for our own health. Educate yourself, ask questions, read books and be your own advocate!

I have compiled a list of “red flags” for you to consider as you think about your experience with your own Ob/Gyn:

Your doctor starts pressuring you to have a c-section as early as 28 weeks for fear of a large baby.

Your doctor’s c-section rate is at or above the national rate (33%).

Your doctor patronizes you or mocks you for wanting a birth plan or a natural birth.

Your doctor has an episiotomy rate over 30%.

Your doctor doesn’t fully inform you of the risks on induction, c-section, epidural etc.

Your doctor will only allow you to push your baby out with your legs/feet in the stirrups and/or on your back. (Feels uncomfortable with hands and knees or squatting or whatever position you want to birth in)

Your doctor’s routine procedure for induction is to break the bag of waters early on in labor.

Your doctor uses cytotec for labor induction. (Run the other direction!)

Your doctor makes you feel stupid when you ask questions or share how you feel about pregnancy, procedures, birth, or your general health.

Your doctor makes you feel bad about your weight gain but doesn’t offer you any guidance on nutrition or diet.

If you want a natural birth with minimal interventions:

Your doctor says things that aren’t supportive of your desire to have an unmedicated birth. For example, “you don’t need to suffer needlessly…the drugs are safe for the baby…good luck with that…”

Your doctor requires continuous electric fetal monitoring.

This is by no means an exhaustive list but it is a start. If your doctor or practice makes you feel uncomfortable at all or if you have a gut feeling that leaves you uneasy as you interact with them then consider switching practices. Emotional relaxation during labor is very important and if you feel uneasy around your birth team then it can have a negative impact on labor.

You will remember your birth for the rest of your life so it is important to go to someone who treats you with dignity, respect, and care. Doctors don’t have emotional attachments with all their patients and will not be offended if you switch your care to someone else. Many doctors are overbooked (How many times have you had to wait and wait to see your doc only to feel rushed during appointments?) and will not be personally offended if you switch providers. You don’t have to tell them why at all–unless you want to.

If you are looking for a more personal care style for your womanly health care then I would encourage you to see midwives for your pregnancy and well-woman visits. Many certified nurse midwives also do yearly exams. There are many women who enjoy the holisitic care that midwives offer but still prefer epidurals or need c-sections for their births.

Finding a doctor or midwife that you feel comfortable with may be a challenge but it is worth the extra time and effort!

Have you ever switched doctors? What’s your story?