The Mom Crowd

Have you ever dealt with a child who wets the bed?  We are dealing with the issue of bedwetting right now, and I gotta tell you it is stressful.  Our oldest child has trouble staying dry all night.  We had him in pull ups at night until this summer when we decided to give it a go and take off the pull ups.  We would take him pee at night right before we went to bed and he would stay dry the rest of the night.  He was waking up very early because he had to wake up and pee and then couldn’t go back to sleep–but we thought it was great that he was waking up to go.

Then we moved to England.  Once we arrived in Enlgand everything started off fine.  Until school started.  Our oldest is in public school and the adjustment of going to school for 6 hours a day and being very tired by the end of the day made bedwetting a bigger issue.  He was wetting the bed two times a night most nights.  We armed oursevled with washable  puddle pads that we put over his flat sheet so that if he did have an accident we could take that off and replace it with a fresh one.  That way we weren’t having to change sheets in the middle of the night.

Here is his nightly routine:

• Books before bed.
• Last pee of the night
• Lights out and songs.
• Sleep.
• We take him pee before we go to bed sometime between 10 and 12.  We usually try to aim for 10:30 because the chances of him having an accident after 10:30 increase by the minute.
• If we are too late then we change jammies, change the puddle pad and have him empty his bladder.  Occasionally, depending on how he is sleeping the accident may get on his comforter, sheets, or blankie.  Throw those into the kitchen where the washer is so they can be washed the next morning.
• Sometime between 2am and 4:30, whichever parent wakes up first, will take him pee again.  Occasionally we are too late and we have to repeat the above step.
• Rejoice in the morning if he stayed dry all night (and I have no more laundry to do).

Now, this may not be the BEST way to handle bedwetting at night but it works for us for now.  I don’t enjoy having interrupted sleep in the middle of the night and dealing with taking him to the toilet but I dislike even more dealing with wet jammies and extra loads of laundry.

A few weeks ago I was getting concerned that maybe there was something else going on with him–a medical problem.  I started doing some research (talking to other parents and reading on the web) about bedwetting in school age children.

Here is what I learned:

• It is common for boys especially to struggle with bedwetting.
• Some children don’t produce the hormone that supresses the body from making urine at night until they are older.  In some cases, not until puberty.
• It isn’t their fault.  They aren’t doing it on purpose.  They can’t help it.  They aren’t lazy.
• Using things like sticker charts won’t really be helpful because bedwetting is not something that children can control.  It isn’t the same thing as using a sticker chart for thumb sucking or doing chores.
• Use empathy and love when your children have an accident.  Use all your might to not show any anger toward your child if they have an accident.
• Stress makes bedwetting worse.  (In our case starting school was making it worse for our child.  Showing anger and frustration about bedwetting can also make it worse.)
• If you suspect a medical problem, take the child in for a check up and talk to the pediatrician.
• Some websites said that taking them to the toilet at night doesn’t really teach the child anything–it more trains the parent than anything else.
• If your child is old enough for sleepovers you can ask your doctor about a prescription the child can take to not wet the bed.  Or teach your child how to discreetly use pull ups to avoid being embarrassed about needing them at night.
• Encourage your child when he has an accident and tell him he will grow out of it.  (It doesn’t bother our child that he has accidents at night.  He isn’t embarrassed about it for the time being but I suspect that he will get there if this issue doesn’t resolve itself in the next year.)
• Take heart, you aren’t the only parent out there dealing with extra laundry due to bedwetting!

How have you dealt with bedwetting?  What has worked for you?

When I told my husband that I was planning to write about this topic this week, he thought I was being a little premature with the subject matter… money saving for Christmas.  So many people shop early and are done, but then there are those of us who wait until the week before to buy our presents.  Personally, I loved how I did it last year and thought I’d pass along some of my money saving and making ideas to you.

Have a garage sale in November – Ok, so I know that not everyone lives in Houston like I do, where it’s usually balmy and comfortable in November, but still… it’s so worth it!  A few of my friends and I had a large sale last year and I made over $200 that I dedicated to Christmas gifts.  It was a great idea because we didn’t have to spend any of our money out of our checking account (or savings) for gifts.  It also cleared up a lot of room for new toys and clothes for the kids.

Shop the sales now and keep your receipts -  Last year I bought a musical play table at Target for $45 and a few weeks later it went on sale at Toys R Us.  I got their Big Book and found an extra $5 off coupon, so I got the table for $15 cheaper.  I returned the one I bought at Target and ended up spending less money than I had originally thought.  Don’t be afraid to return something if you find it cheaper at another store after your original purchase.

Take advantage of coupons – Some stores are having fantastic sales and even have some pretty amazing coupons for toys in the month of November.  Target recently published an online site with over 50 toy coupons.  Other coupon sites also have toy coupons that are good through the end of this month.  In this economy, no one is going to think less of you for being frugal!

Shop resale stores and garage sales - Resale stores and places like Half Price Books are great for those items that don’t necessarily need a box. You can always find some great children’s books at garage sales, too.  (Be sure to disinfect the books if you buy them used). 

Sign up for online giveaways – You never know how lucky you can be!  Why not take 1 minute to sign up for a Wii giveaway or for a free laptop?  It would be a great gift if you win!  Sites like Freebies4Mom offer giveaways and links to other giveaways daily. 

The best thing to remember is to have fun with it.  Find a way to save that is fun for you.  If you are a catalog shopper, flip the pages and compare.  If you prefer to shop online, make sure you know the store’s return policy before you buy if you think you might return your purchases.  And don’t forget, your kids will enjoy the holidays no matter how much you spend on them as long as you are there!  They don’t need to know you paid less for their new game than their friend’s mom did!   Happy Shopping!

What are your money saving rituals?  Do you have any special plans this year for keeping Christmas spending under control? 

Photo courtesy of bowbrick

I am a horrible singer. I have the ability to sing, but not always on key. Thankfully my kids don’t care. My 2 year old daughter doesn’t sing in tune either and we sound like a mess singing together. I enjoy singing to my children and with my children, but sometimes I get embarrassed singing around other adults, including my husband.

When my first was a tiny baby I made up a song to help soothe her. I have never sang it in front of my husband. We call it “the secret song.” I now sing “the secret song” to my second baby. Maybe it is silly and I should get over it, but I kind of like the bond it creates between me and my babies. Now this song is sort of a joke between my husband and myself. He jokes that “the secret song” doesn’t even exist. Its also fun to keep the joke going.

I often make up songs to make tasks easier. While my daughter waits for her peanut butter and jelly to be made we sing the words “peanut butter and jelly” in a funny way.

We sing all the nursery standards together a million times a day, Twinkle Little Star, ABCs, Itsy Bitsy Spider, etc. Now I get the joy of hearing her sing them on her own. My husband has a knack for picking up words in a song very easily. I sometimes wonder if my daughter will have this gift. She loves singing the songs in “The Aristocats.”

I do want to sing with my kids even if I am sometimes insecure about my voice. I have friends (Sarah, Dawn, and Natalie, to name a few) with amazing voices and I love hearing them sing. I know not to compare myself or I would never sing! I am thankful my kids don’t care if I can carry a tune right now. My daughter might be later if I am embarrassing her! LOL.

Do you sing to your children? Do you ever get insecure about your voice?

Not long ago, I was in a hefty spiritual funk.  I hadn’t spent any personal time with God in probably a month or more.  My life was “fine” on the surface, but I found myself growing increasingly annoyed about everything and everyone.  My husband and children were receiving the brunt of it, which was so unfair to them.  And my husband confessed that he was also feeling spiritually down & out.  Basically, we were a family running on empty.

This has happened to me before, and I know it will happen again.  Maybe you’ve been there, too.  Just in a funk.  I knew I had to snap out of it.  And there’s really only one way to do that: make the choice to snap out of it.

For me, spending time with Jesus on a consistent basis is the cure.  Once a week isn’t gonna cut it.  Not even two or three times (though that is certainly better than nothing).  I know I am at my best – my most patient, my most humble, my most pleasant, and the most joyful – when I keep my nose in scripture and my prayers consistent.

I clawed my way out of the funk using a passage that leapt out at me from Galatians:

7 Don’t be misled.  Remember that you can’t ignore God and get away with it.  You will always reap what you sow!  8 Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful desires will harvest the consequences of decay and death.  But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit.  9 So don’t get tired of doing what is good.  Don’t get discouraged and give up, for we will reap a harvest of blessing at the appropriate time.  Galatians 6: 7-9 (NLT)

Wow.  That’s pretty straightforward.  Here are some thoughts directly from my journal after meditating on this passage:

• After verse 7:  “My choice to ignore You has reaped only a shallow shell of what life can be.  I crave vibrancy, a life of memorable moments and gusto.  And when I set out to please myself, I am only experiencing that at a minimum.”
• After verse 8:  “Thankfully, I am not seeing literal death or decay, but the metaphorical kind is pretty serious, too.  I see the death of my personal optimism, peace, and day-to-day strength.  I definitely need those things throughout the tasks and callings of my life – and I lose them when I forfeit time with You, Jesus.”
• After verse 9:  “Of course, TIRED is exactly how I feel – tired of my responsibilities as a wife, a mom, a daughter, a friend, a churchgoer.  And discouragement comes so easily.  Giving up is always a temptation – as well as doing the bare minimum.”
• “It’s like I’ve been ‘phoning it in’.  I don’t want to be a ‘phoner-inner’.  I want to please the Spirit and reap a harvest of blessing.  And I think the first step – first choice – is to spend time with You, Jesus.  Help me do that daily, even just for 10 minutes at a time.”

Jesus, I pray for any mom out there this week who is trying to claw herself out of a spiritual funk.  Please bless her with the gentle reminder that you are there, ready to breathe new life into her days.  May we all choose to spend consistent time with you.  Amen.

At the beginning of the summer I wrote this post in response to a reader question about playground bullies and I am glad I wrote it.  After reading all the comments I became a lot more confident in confronting other people’s children and speaking to their parents. I don’t play playground police every time, but I am certainly protective of my little 2 year old daughter, Annabelle.

While my daughter stood in the top of a large play set I noticed a 5 or 6 year old boy hovering and blocking her way on purpose. Then he bent down in her face and yelled. I was horrified! I saw the boy hovering, but she was up in the play set and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think he would scream in her face. She started crying and I coaxed her to another part of the playground for toddlers. The boy followed and was standing close and following again. Every time he came near her she started crying again.  I didn’t hesitate this time and asked him to not yell at my daughter and to play on the big kids play set. Then his grandfather came over and I explained that the boy was screaming in my daughter’s face. He only got defensive and said that he couldn’t watch both his grandsons at the same time. He did seem  overwhelmed with both boys, so I didn’t press it further. If the mother or father had been there I would have pressed the matter. It was very obvious that he was bullying.

In another instance we were at an indoor playground. I was pushing my daughter back and forth in a U shaped foam mat. Three older and larger boys came up and wanted to push her too and were trying to talk to Annabelle. One of the boys was leaning on a foam column and he reached to rock her. She stood and said “No!” and pushed the column he was leaning on. The boy fell and hit his face on the foam column and started crying. I totally laughed at first. I knew the boy was fine. He went to his mom and was crying to her. I went over and explained that he only hit his face on the soft mat column. I was glad that my daughter stood up for herself. These boys may not have intended to be bullies, but I am still befuddled why they would want to play with a 2 year old girl.

Last week there was a 3 or 4 year old boy throwing mulch on the kids as they went down the slide. I went up to him and said, “Hey Little Man, Let’s not throw it on the slide. How about you throw it on the bench or over here?” I was just redirecting him to throw the mulch where no one else was. He looked at me confused and just stopped. One girl came up and thanked me for getting him to stop. I never saw who was his parent, but it made me feel good that not only did I help my child but the other kids on the playground too.

I do not correct other children all the time, but I will say something if I see that my child may get hurt. Don’t be afraid to speak up on the playground!

Original post:

Summer is here and the playgrounds are full (unless you live in Texas and the 100-degree weather makes the slides feel like 150-degrees.) While at the playground your child may encounter bullies. What do you do?

Grace recently emailed us and asked this question about bullying in the playground:

Today at a playground, my 2 (almost 3) year old son was bullied by another toddler around his age.  The boy was throwing things at my son’s head and his mom wouldn’t do anything about it.  I tried to just keep my son away from the boy, but he would just run up to him and smack him in the head and run away.  I decided to confront his mom about it and she just denied it ever happened since she didn’t see it (she was talking to another mom at the time).  I got really upset of course and my son was too afraid to play anymore so I had to hold him since he couldn’t stop crying and I eventually decided that we should leave since it seemed to be too dangerous for my son to play with the bully running around.

I don’t think I handled the situation in the best way possible.

- What do you do when you see another child hit your child? My son
just stood there and cried and I just tried to comfort him.  I
didn’t feel that I could scold the other child because I was afraid
his mom would get upset with me for doing so.

- What do you say to the parent?  What if the parent denies anything
ever happened?  What if the parent doesn’t do anything about it even
after confronted?

I think there are a few ways that moms can deal with playground bullies. Not every way is right and not all are wrong. The way to handle a bully certainly depends on each specific situation.

1. Leave with your child and don’t say anything to anyone. While removing your child from a harmful situation may be a good thing, it doesn’t teach the child causing harm or your child anything. It may also send the wrong message to your own child, because it doesn’t teach them how to deal with conflict in a healthy manner. It may teach them that conflict should be avoided at all costs. This world is full of conflict and we need to teach our kids how to handle it well.

2. Speak to the mother or guardian present at the time. This is what Grace did in her situation. Dawn and I both agreed that we would have probably done the same thing. Hopefully, that parent will get on to their own child for misbehaving. However, in this situation the mom did not correct her son. I think if you plead your case with the parent and they do nothing, then it is okay to go and speak to their kid yourself.

3. Speak with the child who is being a bully. If that mom gets mad at you for correcting her child, then let them say their piece to you and don’t worry about it. At least, you can leave knowing that you tried your best to correct the situation. In other cases that mom may even thank you for correcting their kid. I know one time a bigger girl was kicking my not yet 2 year old daughter while she was sitting down at the top of a slide. My protective mama instincts came out and I immediately told her in a stern voice to stop kicking my child. Her mom never said anything to me about it.

Amelia thinks that in this situation talking with the kid would have been okay.

Had I been in [Grace's] shoes I would have told the boy to stop hitting my kid.  I feel that (especially with a 2 year old) it is important to be an advocate for your child and that if another child is doing something to your child then it is perfectly fine to say something to the (wrong-doing) child.  Something like, “It is not polite to hit.” Or, “Stop hitting my son.” Then if it continues, saying something to the parents is appropriate.  If someone takes an issue with you telling their child to stop hitting yours–it is their problem.  Most parents will see what is going on and discipline their own child.  Unfortunately there are parents who are losers and deny that their child could ever do anything wrong. In that case, I still think repeating whatever you said to the kid earlier is appropriate.

4. Teach your kid to hit back. (Again, not all of these ways are exactly right or wrong.) I do know one mom that has told her son that if another boy hits him first, then it is okay if he hits back. They want him to be able to defend himself and not always be a tattletale. They feel like their son is already a little whiny and sensitive, so this is their way of teaching their son to buck up.

5. Embarrass the other mother. One mom shared her story with me about how her son did hit back when he was hit by another kid. So she went to them to intervene and started to get on her son. She said loud and clear to her son “Who taught you to act like that? Some moms let their kids act like that, but I don’t!” She looked up and saw the other mother fuming. Perhaps this tactic may work, because that parent may have on gotten on her son later for embarrassing her.

What do you do if your child is being picked on at a playground? What would have done in Grace’s situation? Does the age of the children play a role in how to deal with a bully situation?

- photo courtesy of bullyinguk