The Mom Crowd

My baby is 3 months old today and I am just now feeling like I am my old self again. After I had my first baby I remember an older couple telling me to wait until the 3 to 4 month mark and life will begin to get back to normal. So far their advice has been right with both of my kids.

Around the 3 to 4 month mark my babies started sleeping longer. They didn’t need to be fed around the clock. I even had some of my brain cells back. Now that I think of it, maybe my brain cells are coming back because I am getting more sleep. (If only I went to bed on time!)

Also, around the 3 to 4 month mark my babies started to smile and coo. Seriously, life doesn’t get any better than when your baby wakes up smiling every morning. Until that smile comes babies can seem like a chore, especially in the first few weeks.

Melissa recently commented on an older post of mine titled, “Its Okay Not to Love Your Newborn.” She wrote:

I too am struggling with my feelings toward my daughter. She is almost 3 weeks old and I do not feel a bond with her yet. I know I love her to some degree b/c I am constantly thinking and worried about her. Maybe that’s it. She does feel more like an obligation or a chore than an enjoyment. She cries a lot & I am blown away by the amount of responsibility it takes to care for her. I feel trapped & scared that it will never get better. I want her to hurry and grow then feel guilty b/c I know when that happens I’ll regret that I didn’t enjoy her at this time. It’s very depressing.

I replied to Melissa through email and I explained how things do get better. I have never loved the newborn stage. I am already tired from 40 weeks of pregnancy, labor & delivery, and getting no sleep all while having to learn to care for a new person. I feel like each baby has their own personality and the early weeks are spent getting to know the baby. Both the mom and baby are getting used to each other.

I certainly enjoy the newborn stage as best as I can, but I am always glad when I am on the other side of that mountain. Now that my baby is 3 months old I can see the bottom of that mountain. I can see my life becoming normal again. I am not spending every waking second worried about my new baby.  I am close to getting a full night’s sleep again. It is easier to travel. I am incredibly thankful to be on the other side of the mountain that began with first reading those two blue lines.

Do you love the newborn stage? When did your life feel like it was normal again? Did it ever return to normal? Or was it new kind of normal?

* The photo is of my husband and Baby Roman in the Guadalupe River on Memorial Day.

My 2 year old and 4 year old recently graduated to animated movies with dialogue!  This is a welcomed transition because I can only take so much of the same 30 minute song filled shows played over and over.  I have been so excited to expose them to movies that I grew up watching as a child, like The Little Mermaid and Toy Story.  Ok, so I was in high school when Toy Story came out, but I had a much younger brother who was obsessed with Buzz Lightyear and enjoyed the movie very much!

A couple of weeks ago, my kids were watching Toy Story and I heard the words “stupid,” “moron,” “idiot,” and “shut-up” over and over and over again.  I was shocked!  My children have watched that movie countless times and I had never registered that language before.  I began to pay attention to the dialogue in all of their movies.  In Monsters Inc. (another fabulous movie), I again heard the word “stupid” several times.  These are rated G movies marketing very young children who should not be using these words.  My husband and I have had discussions about this and don’t know where we stand on this subject.  My 2 year old is picking up language at a very rapid pace right now and these are words I do not want coming out of his mouth.  However, I hate to go back to only allowing music filled 30 minute movies.  I’m thinking we need to expand our Veggie Tale, Sesame Street, and Hermie collections and put some of our other movies away for a couple of years.

How do you feel about words like “shut-up,” “stupid,” and “idiot” in your child’s DVD collection?  Do you think I’m overreacting in not wanting my kids to watch movies with this kind of language?  Have you been surprised by language or scenes in “kid” movies or shows?

A couple of weeks ago, Amelia posted a method for how to get our preschoolers to pick up their toys.  It was a battle we ‘ve waging in our home, so the timing was right for us to try Amelia’s suggestion.  I read and re-read her post, shared it in detail with my hubby so we’d be on the same page, and even made a cheat-sheet on the how-to so I would get it just right (nerdy + forgetful = me).

The results have been middling for our family.  My preschoolers are 3 and almost 2.  I explained the new “deal” over and over again for close to a week, and our kids just didn’t get it.  Or maybe they did get it and just didn’t care a whole lot.  It was a combination of both, I think.  At the end of the first night, my hubby was the only parent home – poor guy! – so he was left alone to implement the consequence of the kids’ choice not to pick up their toys: he filled 3 kitchen-sized garbage bags with all the junk that had covered our floor.  He reported to me that their response was curious and bemused.  In fact, my son eagerly started putting the toys into the garbage bags to help him.   Why not the toybox just one foot away, son?  What’s the appeal of the new container?  Lucy, my 3 year old, kept asking questions the next day, like, “Where are the toys going, Mommy?”  “They’re going bye-bye.”  “But where?”  “Someplace else where you can’t have them.”  “Where?”  etc etc.  It didn’t seem like a sad situation for her, just a discussion about geography.

Every now and then, Lucy would help out in a great way with a chore around the house, so we allowed her to get a toy out of one of the garbage bags.  This pleased her for about 3 seconds.  Then said toy was placed on the floor and forgotten about until later that night when she chose not to put it away.

Hubby and I have not sat and confirmed this together (yet), but I think it’s kind of understood for us that this strategy is not the right one for our kids at this point in time.  I’m sure I’ll try it again in a few months.  I can say that I haven’t missed the 3-5 bags of toys that are stored in our garage at the moment – and frankly, the kids don’t seem to miss them much, either.  Maybe cutting out half of their toys was what we all needed anyway.    I’m sure we’ll just give them away.

As for the messes they continue to make every day, I’m onto the next strategy: we don’t do the next activity until a mess is taken care of.  The promise of the next trip outside, coloring session, or even an errand to the store is incentive enough for the kids to get their little butts moving, at the moment.  But this is all still very much a trial-and-error issue for our family.

Did any of you put Amelia’s advice into practice?  What has worked for you?  What other clean-up-your-toys strategies have you employed?

Photo courtesy of rogue3w

I had my first prenatal appointment today with the midwife group that I see.  The birth center is downtown which is about 35 minutes from where we live.  As I was driving I got teary because I knew that when I got to the appointment I would feel very cared for.  I wouldn’t have to put on a positive, faith-filled front. I knew I could let my guard down and share my concerns and worries.  I wasn’t toting all the kids with me so I wouldn’t have to play mommy either.  It felt nice that I wouldn’t have to reciprocate any questions.  I had the luxury of going somewhere that was just for me.  

It sounds sort of selfish, I know.  It felt more like I was going to a counseling appointment than a prenatal appointment.  I have a lot on my plate right now.  We are downsizing in a MAJOR way, selling more things than we are keeping, and moving across the country back to Texas before moving to England later this summer. And we just moved up our leave date to Texas by about 11 days so the pressure to finish all that needs to be done has gone up a new notches. There are so many details that float through my head on an hourly basis it is exhausting.  I’ve been sick with a cold and sinus problems for the past 2 weeks–sometimes feeling okay and sometimes laid out on the couch.  I’m mindful of keeping the stress of the 2 upcoming moves as little as possible for all the kids.  And hubby and I are having a lot of conversations about all the details and trying to communicate well about them (a.k.a not argue and take the stress out on each other).

I walked into the appointment and was purely thankful because I knew that the midwife I was seeing was “with me”.  Midwife means with woman. And she is for me. One of the first things she said was, “I have a lot of things to ask, but first is there anything that you would like to talk about…any concerns or questions?”  There was no hurry, no pressed time.  She was all ears about any questions I had.  I did have a small list.  I’ve been having a little spotting the past few days so I wanted to talk about that.  I told her that although I have been thankful for much less nausea this pregnancy it did have me concerned because it has been so different from my last 3 pregnancies.  I mentioned that I don’t want to have another (almost) 12 lb. baby and would like some direction on what to do about that.  I also needed some guidance on what I could do with all the sinus headaches I’ve been having for the past week.  Even though I had my last baby with the group, she looked at my file and looked over any concerns about my last pregnancies and/or health issues.  We went through my health history together and I was free to share any new thoughts that came up during our conversation.  Through all of our conversation, she was very encouraging and reassuring.  I never felt stupid for asking questions and I never felt like I needed to rush.

She asked me if I was comfortable with getting an ultrasound to help me feel better about how the baby is doing.  I agreed and made an appointment for early next week.  We tried to listen to the heartbeat but since I am still in my 10th week I knew it would be a slim shot.  We didn’t get to hear it but I knew it wasn’t something to worry about.   She did an exam to check my cervix and make sure it was closed and to look and see if there was any old/new blood.  As she did the exam she walked me through the whole thing (even though I totally know what to expect).  I still appreciate it because she is respecting me as a woman/mother.  We set up an another appointment right before we move even though it is a few days earlier than it would normally be.  I don’t think I’ll have prenatal care again until we get to England so having one more appointment just to check on me seemed important.  They will have my file ready so I can take it to England with me.  She was very encouraging about the prenatal care I will get in England.  She worked with a midwife who was trained in England, so is familiar with the system and how it works.  

Even though I am a birth teacher and I know a lot of information about pregnancy and birth, I still need to be cared for.  I don’t mean to imply that my husband doesn’t take care of me or look out for me, or that my friends and family don’t care. It’s just that there are many different hats I wear as a wife, friend, daughter, sister, mother etc.  Do you know what I mean?

I left my appointment feeling relaxed, uplifted and cared for.  And that is how it should be!  I love midwifery care! I love that one of the values of midwifery care is to look at my whole person–not just the baby growing inside me.  I find that I appreciate it more, the more children I have!  There are many women who choose midwifery care (from Certified Nurse Midwives-CNMs) even though they want epidurals during their labors or need to have c-sections for one reason or another.  You don’t have to be earthy-birthy to love the personalized care you often get from midwives.  Their job is to be “with woman” and to care for her where she is–not make her super granola.  

I’m sure that many of you have had similar experiences with ob/gyns but I have heard many, many stories where that is not the case.  I just like to throw out an alternative for anyone who might be looking for something different, who might need some extra attention during pregnancy and motherhood.  Midwives are wonderful and I hope that anyone who has been comtemplating switching practices might consider the midwifery model of care.  Most CNMs also do well-woman visits too!  

So what do you think?  Does that kind of care sound appealing to you?  What extras do you need when you are pregnant? Would you ever try going to a midwife?  Why or why not?

• 1st photo courtesy of naturalkinds
• 2nd photo courtesy of RahelSharon

I went garage sale shopping last weekend and I am hooked. Friends have told me all about the great deals they found at garage sales, so I wanted to find some for myself. I made a list, got some cash and hopped in the car early Saturday morning. I had seen a sign for a neighborhood sale earlier that week. My husband and kiddos went too and we had a wonderful time. I have wondered why I haven’t been yard sale shopping all along. So if you don’t garage sale shop, here are 5 reasons why you should!

1. The great deals steals. I found clothes and books for a fraction of the cost at a Resale Shop or retail store clearance.  One of my best finds this weekend was buying $82 worth of classic children’s books for $5. The hardback, cardboard  version of “Goodnight Moon” retails at $16 and I got it for a buck. Also, clothes can be really cheap at garage sales. I bought two jackets for the fall for 50 cents a piece.

2. You can haggle. You can’t haggle at Target, Wal-Mart, or any other store. Be friendly and just ask, “Will you take x.xx for this?” I always have to build up my confidence to haggle. Once you do it a few times, it gets easier. The worst they can say is no. You can save some money just by asking a simple question. We bought an edger for $15 and the lady was asking $20. So I saved $5 in about 30 seconds.

3. You pay in cash. Once you bought an item it is paid for – it is yours! No monthly payments. No bills. You can stay on budget by bringing only the cash you need. It is also helpful to bring a bunch of change, because many sellers forget to have enough change.

4. Most sales happen Saturday mornings. Leave the kids at home with Dad or a friend and get some fresh air while shopping. Or bring the family along and make a morning of it. Give your child an envelope with a dollar or two and let them buy something. Teach them to haggle or how to spend wisely.

5. It is fun to bargain hunt. How many times have you been at someone’s house and heard a story about how they got a certain furniture item for a steal at a garage sale? Go get your own story!  It is really fun if you hit a gold mine when someone’s kid just grew out of the size clothes you need.

Here are 2 great articles about how to garage sale shop:

How to Garage Sale Shop Like a Pro at NotTheJetSet.net

Garage Sale Power Shopping at BeingFrugal.net

Do you like garage sale shopping? What is your best find at a garage sale?