The Mom Crowd

Regardless of your own theories about sleep and children, every parent can learn something from Dr. Marc Weissbluth’s ‘Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child’ (HSHHC). You don’t have to agree with the author on every point to learn something about healthy sleep habits for your child. This book is great resource book to read and keep on your shelf.

As the title suggests the book is about creating healthy sleep habits, so your child can be a happy child. I know I am that I am a much happier person when I get all the sleep I need. It makes sense. The book goes on to explain how to put your child to bed without crying, how much they should be sleeping, their quality of sleep, and what time they should go to bed. All things a new parent wants to know.

I learned how my child could get to an overtired state, if I don’t put her down right when she gets sleepy. It is when she reaches this overtired state that it becomes difficult for her to fall asleep on her own and she usually cries. I love it when I can find that magical moment and put my daughter down for her nap with absolutely no crying.

The author describes the cues that your child is moving into the sleep zone: becoming drowsy, decreased activity, slower motions, less vocal, sucking is weaker or slower, quieter, calmer, appears disinterested in surroundings, eyes are less focused, eyelids drooping, yawning.

The fatigue signs that your baby is entering the overtired zone: becoming overtired, fussing, rubbing eyes, irritable, and cranky (p.63).

The book also explains how many naps your child should be having and at what age. I honestly didn’t know that my daughter should have three regular naps a day. It seems like three naps a day is common knowledge among moms, but I didn’t know that. Also, the author suggests being diligent about protecting those nap times. He really encourages parents to respect their child’s sleep schedule, no matter what. There can be exceptions, but they should not be the rule.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from the book is to put my baby down to bed earlier. I tried it and it worked! The book explains that sleep begets sleep. The earlier you put your child to bed, the later they sleep. It dispels the myth that you should put them to bed later, so they will sleep in. It is hard, because my husband does not get to see much of our daughter in the evenings, but we know it is for her good. Our baby getting good sleep is just as important as her getting enough food.

The author suggests that bedtimes should be consistent and have a routine. We now have a routine with our daughter. She knows that after she gets her kisses, she is going to be laid down in her crib. I like the author’s theory that my baby cries, because she wants to play with me rather than being in a boring, dark room. It makes me feel good that my child wants to be with me.

Readers may not agree with Dr. Weissbluth Pro-Cry It Out stance. He gives parents two options to crying it out, one is gradual and one is cold turkey. The method is to correct any unhealthy sleep habits and to help establish routines. The cold turkey method could be really hard to, but supposedly has the fastest results. I am not sure if I could let my daughter cry and wail for an hour. I think you just have to know what you and your child can handle.

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I have been so excited to see pumpkin patches set up as I drive around town. It’s always a great photo opportunity and we’d love for you to share your cutest pumpkin patch photos of your kids.

Please submit your pictures by Thursday evening by emailing the photo in a jpeg format to pictures [at] themomcrowd.com. We will be posting the cute pumpkin patch photos next Friday for your drooling pleasure!

Sometimes people talk just to talk. I’m one of those people. If I don’t know what to say, I usually say the wrong thing and make myself look like a complete buffoon in the process. Even when my intentions are completely pure, I sometimes say things to others that cause them more hurt and pain. When my daughter was about a year and a half old, my husband and I became pregnant with our second child. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and it was truly the hardest thing I have ever gone through. It was harder than finding out Darah had Down syndrome (which has it’s own list of things not to say) and her open heart surgery. I will share the details of my miscarriage with you on another day. For now, here’s some of the real life comments people told me in an attempt to ease my pain. While every comment was made with the best intentions, they didn’t help me and made me feel worse.

10. “I know what you’re feeling.”
Even if you’ve had a miscarriage, you really don’t know exactly how this person is feeling. Every person’s situation is different and everybody grieves in different ways.

9. “Take comfort that your baby is now an angel in Heaven. He or she got to skip the hardships of this world.”
When I had my miscarriage, I was so angry. I didn’t want my baby in “a better place.” I wanted him or her in my womb and I felt like my baby was taken from me.

8. “At least you have Darah. Some women can’t have any children.”
You’re right. However, I wanted this second child as much as I wanted my first. That baby was part of me for a short time and I was already in love.

7. “You can always try again.”
Every mother who has had a miscarriage knows they can try again. However, while a person is grieving a loss, they’re not always ready to look to the future. This is like telling a widow, “you can always remarry.” It doesn’t help.

6. “At least you were only in your first trimester.”
When someone told me this, it made me even more angry. I was gearing up to find out the sex and pick out bedding. I felt like they were saying my pregnancy wasn’t legitimate.

5. “Let me tell you all about the miscarriages my sister-in-law had and let me tell you about her beautiful, healthy child she has now.”
Miscarriages are incredibly common and everyone has either had one themselves or knows someone who has. When I was grieving my loss, I didn’t care about any losses anyone else had. Every story I heard made me compare my situation to theirs and because of major self-pity, my story was always worse!

4. “Maybe that baby had something wrong with him or her and it’s for the best.”
I had already had a child born with Down syndrome. When someone told me this, it exaggerated the fact that I already had a child with health issues and then made me think that they thought my daughter wasn’t worth life.

3. “Did you take any medications or do anything you shouldn’t have done?”
I already felt guilty because of my incredibly high stress levels and for drinking diet coke occasionally during my pregnancy. This magnified all of the guilt I was already carrying.

2. “Have you ever thought of adopting?”
I was so embarrassed after my miscarriage. I felt like everyone who knew me thought there was something wrong with me. When I found out I was pregnant with this child, I was so excited to have a “normal” pregnancy and experience what everyone around me experienced with their uneventful (in my opinion) pregnancies. I was robbed of that because of my miscarriage and the adoption option made me feel like I failed.

And the number one thing to not tell someone who just had a miscarriage……..

1. “I’M PREGNANT!!!!!!”
Even though I was incredibly happy for my friends around me who were pregnant at the time, I didn’t want to talk about their pregnancies with them right after my miscarriage. I wasn’t ready. If you are getting ready to announce your pregnancy, I think it’s a good idea to tell your friend in an email so they can react the way the want to without having to fake a smile. Don’t elaborate in the email about how you were afraid to tell them, just tell simply tell them you’re pregnant. Allow your friend to bring up the topic in conversation when she’s ready.

What you can say…
“I’m sorry.” “How can I help?” “I’m here for you.”

What were some unhelpful comments people told you when you were grieving the loss of an unborn child? What were some helpful things people said or did while you were grieving?

I vented to my husband the other evening that I hadn’t gotten everything done in the day that I wanted to. He asked me, “How much do you need to accomplish in one day to feel like you have done something?” I had done a lot that day. I am just really hard on myself.

I am always making to-do lists, but I can’t seem to finish everything. I feel like I should be able to accomplish my goals, but maybe my to-do lists are too long. I discussed this issue with my friend Kristin. She empathized with me and said that she has been a stay-at-home-mom for six years and she still struggles with this. It was comforting to know that this is not just a new-mom thing.

Kristin also pointed out that if you add up all the minutes that you actually have in a day to get things done in between diaper changes, feedings, playing, laying down for naps, it is not really that much time.

So we don’t have many windows of time during the day to get the things done that we want. Like starting a load to wash, folding that clean basket of laundry that has been in your bedroom for days, calling your mom, painting your toes, cleaning out your email inbox, planning your meals, cleaning that poop stained onesie, writing that thank you card. All things that we need to get done.

David Allen’s popular book, ‘Getting Things Done’ explains specific methods to help us organize our lives. He talks about clearing our minds of all the “stuff” going through our heads. David says:

Here’s how I define “stuff:” anything you have allowed into your psychological or physical world that doesn’t belong where it is, but for which you haven’t yet determined the desired outcome and the next action step. [pg. 17]

Once our minds are clear of “stuff” we will be more productive and stress-free. I don’t know if a mom’s mind will ever be clear of stuff, no matter how much we organize and empty our thoughts. We are constantly worrying about our child’s well being. We are on call 24 hours a day and our task list never seems to end.

I do know that dumping my mind of all my to-do’s on to an actionable list at the beginning of my day does free up my mind some. I know I will remember what I want to later, because I wrote it down. But then that brings me back to the start. I make the list, but still don’t seem to get it all done. I think I need to realize I am not Superwoman.

Am I the only mom who feels this way? Have you read David Allen’s book “Getting Things Done”?

You may also be interested in reading:

Getting Started With GTD at 43folders.com

A Productivity Tip from The Millionaire Mommy Next Door

Getting Things Done at Amazon.com

GTD Cheatsheet at lifedev.net

My journey with Gestational Diabetes (GD) began during my 24th week of pregnancy when I failed my first one hour blood sugar test. I then had to take a three hour test where I fasted, drank some very sweet orange soda, and got my blood drawn four times to test my blood sugar levels every hour. I was not very concerned about failing the second test, because I had many friends who told me that they failed the first test, but passed the second one. Even though I knew that I had a family history of diabetes, I believed that I was in shape and eating a reasonably healthy diet, so this wouldn’t affect me.

My results came a few days later and I was shocked to learn that I had Gestational Diabetes. The news brought both disappointment and fear because I didn’t really know what this meant for my baby and me. I knew I was not looking forward to the hassle of extra doctor visits and learning about a whole new issue when I was already a naturally tired pregnant lady. Also, I knew that my diet and lifestyle would have to completely change. This now meant that I would have to see a Specialist and attend a class.

I went to the class where they taught me about the condition, testing my blood sugar, and my diet. Unfortunately, after the class, I was still unclear about what exactly GD was and how it affected my baby, my delivery, and me. All I really knew was that I could have a very big baby. I didn’t understand the diabetic diet that they had given me. What is one bread serving anyway? Diabetic measurements were a whole new encrypted code that I had to figure out. I was also instructed to test my blood sugar by pricking my finger seven times a day. All of this information was confusing and I was feeling overwhelmed. After my extended period of morning sickness, this was the worst week of my pregnancy.

That night before I had to start testing myself, I went out for my last meal – French toast. During dinner, my husband helped me plan out a schedule of when to test, when to eat, and what to eat. The first two weeks were hard, but eventually everything turned into a habit.

I had a lot of motivation to stay on track with the my GD diet:

• I really wanted to have a natural birth and to not be induced or have a C-section. I knew that if I was going to have a big baby, the chances of having a natural birth became less.
• I thought that if I was eating healthy, then I was teaching my child how to eat healthy too. I liked the idea that I could teach my child something in the womb. I was hoping that I could teach him/her to like all kinds of foods.
• I had to turn in my blood sugar meter readings every two weeks. I lived for the nurse and doctor to tell me what a great job I was doing. I wanted/needed that pat on the back to keep going.
• I knew that this diet was not forever. I had huge plans for desserts to be delivered to my hospital room. My friend even came over the Saturday after I had given birth and made me Stuffed French Toast in freshly baked cinnamon chip bread with pure Maple syrup – the best French Toast I ever had in my life.

Towards the end of my pregnancy my doctor wanted to schedule an induction date. It was scheduled six days before my due date. I told my very-knowledgeable-about-birth friend about my inducement date and she questioned me closer about the reasoning behind the induction. She also pointed out that a lot of inductions end up in cesareans. I realized that I was not sure why I had to be induced. All I knew was that I had a chance of having a large baby.

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