The Mom Crowd

Last night, I received an e-mail from a friend who is serving Jesus in Asia.  Here is the message in its entirety:  “Hello beautiful!  I spent some time lifting you and your lovely family up today.  Have a wonderful week.  I love you guys!”

Does it get any better than that?  Who doesn’t love being encouraged by their friends?  I love that there is no motive in her message other than to bless me.  I treasure her prayers and her words – and it reminds me of Philippians 2: 1-4 (NLT):

Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Don’t be selfish; don’t live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t think only about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and what they are doing.

Paul starts by asking a series of questions based around the concept of why we follow Jesus: to live in fellowship with Him and others, and to be encouraged and comforted by those relationships.  Paul then answers his own questions with a list of practical reminders.  Now, I’m all about lists, so here we go:

Practical Reminders for Encouraging Others (in my own words):

• be agreeable, and not in a fake way
• love one another
• think like a team in your purpose/service – don’t fly solo
• don’t be selfish
• don’t obsess over what others think about you
• choose humility over personal pride
• stop making it all about yourself, and show a genuine interest in others’ lives

To sum up: less about me, more about others.

In any one of my fast-paced, highly scheduled weeks, I take care of my family and do what needs to be done.  And the second I have a free moment, I’m all about myself: what can I do with this time, how can I best relax, can I get away with sitting here and playing Scramble till midnight?, etc.  My first instinct is to serve myself.  Maybe you’re the same way.  It’s not that personal time is bad – we have discussed many times here at The Mom Crowd how to take care of ourselves and prize “me time“.  It’s that I all-too-easily forget to encourage my friends when I have the chance.

We all know encouraging people.  Maybe we have even praised them for their way with kind words, or their ability to send a nice note in the mail (with an actual stamp) on a frequent basis.  Perhaps you’re one of those people.  But the truth is, Paul is not letting encouragement remain merely a personality trait held only by some.  He is instructing us – all of us – to be compassionate, tender, and interested in what others think, feel, and do.

I challenge you today to take five minutes of your “me time” and give it to someone else in the form of encouragement.  Send them an e-mail or write them a note on a piece of that pretty stationery you bought months ago.  Call a friend and refrain from talking about yourself as long as you can.  Do one or more things from Amanda’s post on encouraging your mom friends.  According to the verses above, we can all find encouragement and comfort as a result of giving it.

Lord, thank you for demonstrating your profound humility in dying for us.  You are gentle and compassionate; help us to embody those traits and practice selflessness with those we care about.  Amen.

I leave you this week with a quote I keep by the door (so I will hopefully remember it each time I leave):

With every encounter, make it your aim that people are better off for having been in your presence.  Try to give something to the other person.

~ Jim George

Today I was over at Zen Habits and I came across Leo’s most recent post titled, “There’s No Task Easier Than No Task.” The point of the post is how the fastest way to get an item off your to do list is to “just delete it or don’t put it there in the first place.”

How freeing is saying no when asked to do something? Do you find it hard to say no? Do you find it hard to put some things off for another day?

Moms loves to multi-task. We wear how much we get done in one day as a badge of honor. When my husband gets home from work I love to list out everything that I did that day for him. He could care less. As long as the kids and I are healthy, he is happy.  Sometimes we moms are the only ones putting these demands on ourselves.

Here are 3 Ways to Decrease Your Life’s Demands:

1. Only tackle 2 or 3 large items each day.

I have been taking each day as it comes and breaking it down into what 2 or 3 big items I can complete that day. Today my 3 items are a meeting at church, writing this blog post, and finishing a book for tomorrow’s book club meeting. Of course I will care for my kids and make dinner, but anything else that gets done is icing on the cake. Maybe tomorrow I will tackle some laundry, but I won’t try to wear myself out tackling every project that needs to get done.

2. Only do things you are passionate about.

I am passionate about my kids, my family, this site, running, and some functions at church. How many times do we go to meetings or events that are boring or you just feel obligated to go to? I feel obligated to help friends paint a room or bring a meal, but sometimes I have to say no. My children are not into extracurricular activities yet, but I often make play dates for them and myself. I am the one that does a lot of “extras.” I need to say “no” for me and my family.

3. Rest!

Do you ever feel guilty about taking a night “off” or taking some down time? During the work week I try to keep one day open where the kids and I stay home and recover. I rest before a big eventful day or the day after. We stay in our pajamas and watch a movie. I think my kids will appreciate these days where we get to hang out together more than the days we are rushing around.

There are some things that must get done like cleaning underwear, but other things can wait. We should consider what is essential and what is non-essential when making our to do lists. Maybe an item never has to be on your to do list in the first place.

Do you feel like you put more demands on yourself than anyone else? What can’t you say No to? Do you stress out about what you haven’t got done?

Studies have shown that fostering a second language in your child has extremely positive cognitive and cultural advantages. However, as most of us live in a mono-linguistic society, it can be difficult to start and maintain language learning.  Less than 10% of all Americans can speak a second language fluently.  Also, the amount of exposure to a second (or third) language will vary drastically from place to place.  As a former resident of South Texas and Southern California, I probably had much more exposure to Spanish than, say, someone from Caribou, Maine.  Now that I’m a mom, and I live overseas in a non English-speaking environment, I’ve seen firsthand some of the trials and triumphs of learning another language – the things that work, and the things that don’t.  For the mom who doesn’t want to wait until high school to get her child started with a new language, I’d like to share a little bit of my experience in this area.

Educational Programming

I’m sure many of us wonder, how much are all these hours of watching “Dora the Explorer” really helping my child learn a second language? There are a variety of opinions on this subject, with shows like Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go! continually gaining popularity.  Some linguists think that these shows should not offer the English alongside Spanish, and that by doing so, they are actually inhibiting a child’s language learning ability.  Their reasoning is children don’t think like adults when it comes to language learning.  Kids can hear the word vaca, for example, and automatically associate it with a cow without hearing it reinforced in English.  Others believe that these shows are a great introduction to foreign language, and give parents an opportunity to interact with their child in another language.  I tend to side with this opinion.  My son has learned some basic Spanish skills from these shows, which is helpful when he interacts with my husband’s side of the family.  While this is by no means a complete education, it gives the child a great chance to learn the different sounds that exist in another language and to construct a few basic sentences in that language.

Music

When we first moved overseas, I was so frustrated at how resistant my son was to learning Arabic.  Then, his teacher at preschool had the brilliant idea of loaning us a CD with some children’s songs in Arabic.  My son LOVES them!  He can do all the dance moves that go along with the songs, and he has learned body parts, animals and verbs by listening to one CD.  He’s even starting to teach his sister some of the things he knows.

Tutoring

For the parent who wants to do more in-depth learning, tutors are available to help kids learn another language.  These programs usually take place after school for an hour or two a week, and they can involve intense, one-on-one language learning or group learning.  Ask the head of the language department at your local high school (or university) if there are any programs like that available in your area.  For us, tutoring has proven extremely valuable.  We are NOT native speakers here, and while we can help our son a bit, he doesn’t really like speaking with us in Arabic – and to be honest, he doesn’t learn very much!  Having a native speaker who talks to him only in Arabic has really improved his communication skills.

Language Education Programs

Did you know that there are foreign language immersion schools in the US?  Right now, there are over 200 of these special schools located throughout the United States.  Some teach completely in a foreign language, some have some classes in English and some in the foreign language, and some are “two-way” programs with a mixture of native and non-native English speakers learning from each other as well as their teachers.

Being Creative

Sometimes, we have to step out of our comfort zone to get this going and try to get those brain muscles working, too!  There are places that offer mom & child language learning programs to help those of us that want to take an active role in the language learning process.  For those of us that have a bilingual family, having each parent speak in their native tongue can cause language learning to be a little slow in the beginning, but has tremendous benefits long term.  If you feel comfortable doing this, ask abuela or abuelo to speak with your child only in Spanish.  I knew someone who made a deal with her neighbor – my friend spoke only English to her neighbor’s kids when they came over, and her neighbor spoke only Spanish to the kids when they were at her house.  Pretty neat, huh?  There are endless possibilities in this category if you want to get your child rolling with a second language!

Some more information:

Kids Source has a great FAQ page about the benefits of children learning a second language

Center for Applied Linguistics home page

About three months ago, the negative effects of the recession hit our home when my husband got laid-off.  After the initial shock and fears of wondering how we were going to survive, we settled into a new reality.  I was terribly worried that my husband and I were going to drive each other crazy being around each other 24/7 with no breaks.  Surprisingly, this time has strengthened our relationship and our individual faiths. 

I thought I would share a few of the things we have done to stay sane:

Take turns sleeping in!  While I have taken my share (plus a few extra) of mornings sleeping in, I also try to let him get some days “off” from the early morning (and I mean VERY early) kid duties.

Get out of the house at least every other day!  Staying at home gets boring and boredom brings on depression and aggitation.  Getting out of the house frequently helps stave off some of the crankies.  We have made many trips to Target, Toys R Us, and other local stores just to browse to get everyone out of the house.

Play games together!   While it’s next to impossible to play actual board games with kids in the house, we have taken to playing online Scrabble and other games against each other.  The advantages of these online games are that you can take your time playing, come back to it and play when you want/can, and you don’t have to worry about game pieces being shoved into little noses!

Wives, don’t nag!  At first I didn’t realize that to my husband, my asking questions about his job search as often as I did was nagging.  It’s ok to inquire about phone calls or progress, just not on a daily basis.  And by all means, DO NOT look for a job for him unless he asks you to or has given you “permission”.  Many guys feel emasuclated when their wives do their “work” for them. 

Pray together!  We  pray together over potential jobs, our finances and our children.  Like Dawn has been saying in the past two Abiding Mondays posts, prayer calms anxiety.  When I get anxious, it helps me to pray with my husband.  I find comfort in knowing he is standing with me during the troubling times.

And lastly, just remember that it won’t last forever.  The right job will come along.  Your life will get back to the normal you have always known!

Have you or someone you know closely gone through this type of situation?  What did you do to stay sane?  What tips do you have for families in this transitional time?

Photo Courtesy of Moomettesgram

My baby boy is almost 7 months old and he is still exclusively breastfed. However, I am not loving breastfeeding as much as I did with my first child. With my first child I had planned on weaning her at a year, but I wasn’t ready and ended up nursing her for 14 months. (I wrote about my decision to continue breastfeeding here.) I stopped at 14 months, because I started throwing up every day with morning, noon, and night sickness with my second pregnancy. I think the fact that I have been either pregnant or nursing for the last 3 years is taking a toll on me.

All the reasons why I want my body back are completely selfish. I can’t leave for extended periods of time. My baby is still waking up 3 times a night to nurse. Because he has been waking up around 10:30 p.m., I can’t even go out after bedtime. My nipples still get raw and sore sometimes. Logically I know these reasons are not a big deal.

As much as I selfishly want breastfeeding to end, I selfishly want it to keep going. I love not doing dishes. I love that I don’t have to learn a whole new skill of mixing formula and finding which bottle or cup is best. I also really love the bonding time with my son. It is fantastic that my 2 year old daughter sees her brother being fed and knows that breastfeeding is completely normal. I love it when she offers to feed her brother and pulls her shirt up.

I also love that it is the best possible source of nourishment I can give him. To be perfectly honest, I am terrified of formula. I know some women have to use formula and choose to use it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But for me formula is not really an option.  As long as I can produce milk his first year of life, he will get boobie milk.

I have mentioned before that I am marathon training and this adds extra stress to my breastfeeding relationship. On my long runs I am gone from the house for 4 hours. I nurse my baby before I leave in the morning and he wakes up hungry. I don’t have a pump anymore. I would have to increase demand my pumping daily to increase my supply, because I don’t make extra milk.

I contacted Heather at RunFasterMommy.com, because she has trained for a marathon and breastfed at the same time. I asked her about supplementing formula on the days I have long runs. I also asked Heather if it was selfish of me to supplement. She said that it wasn’t and gave me some tips on how to do it. Heather also pointed out that if I gave up my training that I would grow to resent breastfeeding.  I couldn’t agree more. My pediatrician also said I could keep training and to drink tons of water.

With my pediatrician’s help and some full sized samples from her huge stash of formula, my husband now has a tool in his toolbelt if our boy is crying a lot and can’t wait to be nursed.  We have not had to use the supplement yet, but we both feel better knowing that we have something that we can give our baby if I can’t make it home fast enough. I hope that I won’t have to use the supplement.

For now I am going to keep up breastfeeding and enjoy this precious time, but a part of me can’t help but count down until it is over too.

- photo courtesy of c r z