The Mom Crowd

Worry has been following me around lately.  I know how to combat it – I posted about praying for peace mere weeks ago – yet I am still being pestered with a fear about this or a worry about that.  It is so annoying!  And it’s a domino effect this time around; when one thing is resolved, another issue arises, giving my weary soul minimal rest in between.

At the moment, my worry is for my son.  He’s kinda accident-prone.  He’s a toddler, so saying he trips up on his own feet doesn’t mean that much.  But he does.  Trip up on his own two feet, that is.  Regularly.  This has resulted in some pretty nasty bumps on his head.  (People actually look surprised when they see he is bump-free.)  Last week, he fell on his face again, and the bump is an ugly combo of red, purple, blue and yellow.  I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed over his little head, yet I cannot shake the worry that comes with being his mom.  I seriously break down in sobs whenever he hurts himself.

Max Lucado’s latest book, Fearless, has a chapter about worrying for our kids’ safety.  He says,

We tend to forget this fact, regarding our children as “our” children, as though we have the final say in their health and welfare.  We don’t.  All people are God’s people, including the small people who sit at our tables.  Wise are the parents who regularly give their children back to God (58).

Lucado says we have two choices when faced with our childrens’ struggles (health or otherwise): to despair over what can happen, or to believe in Jesus’ power to love and care for them.  Now, I realize that a bump on my son’s head is small potatoes compared to what else can happen to him – maybe compared to what has happened in your child’s life.  Yet the despair I have felt is very real, and dealing with it is not easy.

As one might expect, prayer is the key remedy.

Prayer is the saucer into which parental fears are poured to cool.  Jesus says so little about parenting, makes no comments about spanking, breast-feeding, sibling rivalry, or schooling.  Yet his actions speak volumes about prayer.  Each time a parent prays, Christ responds.  His big message to moms and dads?  Bring your children to me.  Raise them in a greenhouse of prayer (60).

I believe in this advice, and I have been stubbornly giving my fears about my son’s injuries to Jesus, again and again, each time I feel them.  Even though I wish I could put the boy in a plastic bubble and roll him everywhere in a cocoon of safety, I turn to God to increase my trust in Him.  I involve my kids in this praying, too, saying prayers aloud while Eli plays and inviting both of my children to pray aloud for his head during bedtime prayers.

If my worries are going to persist, my prayers must persist as well.

Jesus, thank you for keeping watch over our children as they come and go.  Thank you for standing beside us as a protective shade.  Thank you for being our help.  We depend on you.  Amen.

What Psalms comfort you during your time of worry (mine was paraphrased above, Psalm 121)?  Is your prayer time proportionate to the time you spend worrying?  How do you work through your fears?

When I was in college, I started a job at a pediatric dental office.  I continued working there after I graduated, until we moved overseas. I did a lot of admin stuff as well as chair-side (assisting the hygienist or the doctor), and I loved how so many parents brought their kids to our office and asked great questions about dental health. Here are a few things I learned from the doctors during my years there:
1. Limit snacking – This is the main cause of tooth decay. During mealtime, our mouth produces enough saliva to keep our teeth relatively clean (we still need to brush though!), but snacking on sugary foods in between meals will “feed” the bacteria in your mouth, which produce the acid that can eat away at the tooth enamel and cause decay. It’s important to limit snacks to fresh fruits and vegetables, meat, and dairy (plain yogurt, eggs, and cheese are your best choices). Candies are of course on the “rarely/never eat” list, but many parents were surprised to find that even carbohydrates can be dangerous if consumed frequently, especially processed foods which contain refined flour and added sugars. Granola bars, crackers, and other “weak candies” should be kept to a minimum. Amelia had a great post on snacking last year — notice how almost all of her bread-related snacks contain whole wheat flour with little or no added sugar!  In addition, beverages such as juice, soda, iced tea, flavored milks and sports drinks can lead to dental caries.  My boss always recommended diluting juices with water when giving them to kids, and limiting the amount of juice per day.  Teenagers are particularly vulnerable in this category, because many of them have terrible snacking habits.  For them, sodas, convenience foods, and breath mints are the biggest culprits of tooth decay, so try to keep these items to a minimum in your house.

2. Cavities are NOT just the result of bad brushing or snacking habits – First and second permanent molars can be deeply pitted and grooved, and occasionally, during tooth formation, the tooth enamel will not fuse completely, creating small fissures that are incredibly difficult to keep clean.  Even with good brushing and snacking habits, these teeth can get decay.  Some dentists choose to fill these early on to prevent greater problems in the future.

3. Get sealants when your dentist recommends them – One of the things I saw time and time again was a child who had been a candidate for sealants at one visit come back six months or a year later with dental caries on those teeth, and they had to have those teeth filled instead.  Usually sealants are placed on the chewing surfaces of permanent molars and premolars (bicuspids), but occasionally doctors will suggest sealants on baby molars.  Sealants generally last three to five years (although sometimes longer), and they really save you money in the long run by avoiding fillings, root canals and crowns to repair decayed teeth.  Most insurance companies cover sealants, but a few don’t.  Some parents are reluctant to get sealants because their insurance company doesn’t cover it.  I would encourage them to get their child sealants anyway; talk to your dentist about a payment plan if money is a concern.  Most offices are pretty accommodating, especially if you are an established patient there.

4. Braces are bacteria magnets! – Many teens (and preteens) just don’t have good habits when it comes to oral hygiene.   And, as it is practically impossible to give advice to teenagers without getting the customary eye-roll, talk to your dentist about showing them how to keep their teeth healthy and clean while wearing braces.  Children with braces are more likely to develop tooth caries and/or experience early gum recession due to poor brushing and flossing habits.  Personally, I’ve noticed that young teen boys (around age thirteen or so) are the worst when it comes to keeping their braces clean, but I’ve witnessed this in a few girls as well.  As a former wearer of braces, I know how difficult it can be to keep those babies clean, but fortunately there are a wide range of products to aid us in this area.  My personal favorite is Waterpik’s Power Flosser.

5. Children with good brushing and snacking habits usually grow up to be teenagers and adults with good oral hygiene – The earlier your child learns the importance of brushing, flossing, and healthy snacking, the more likely they are to continue these habits into adulthood.

I feel like I could write a whole book on this subject, but I’ll stop for now.  I might continue this post with a second installment if anyone’s interested.  So, what about you?  What are some important lessons you’ve learned from the dentist about your child’s dental health?

For more information:

TMC article: Last June, McKenna wrote about surviving your child’s first dental visit.

Website:  Keeping Your Child’s Teeth Healthy at Kidshealth.org

Book: Eat This, Not That! Supermarket Survival Guide

Photo courtesy of .imelda

Please welcome my friend and Guest Writer, Sharon, as she fills in for the traveling Amelia in the upcoming weeks. Sharon is an American currently living in the Middle East with her husband and two children.

Most of us have been there.  We arrive at Grandma and/or Grandpa’s house for a week long visit, only to find ourselves in a precarious situation.  Why?  Because your parents (or your spouse’s parents) are standing at the door, greeting your kids with one or more of the following:
a) Large bags of candy
b) Several new toys
c) The latest “cool” techno-gadget
d) A week of planned excursions to expensive theme parks, malls, etc.

The week progresses, and every time you turn around, your child has a new toy or outfit.  On one hand, you think, hey, it’s only for a week, then we get back to our normal lives. And this is true, to an extent.  But what happens when this becomes habitual?  Every time you visit them, or every time they visit you, the kids are lavishly spoiled by their grandparents.  Or what happens when the kids start to demand things from Grandma or Grandpa?  Ugh, no one wants to be in that position.

This has happened to us on a few occasions.  We have the unique position of being parents to the only grandkids on either side of the family (hubby is an only child, I’m the oldest and, until recently, the only married one).  In addition to that, our family lives overseas, so any opportunity the grandparents get to spend with the grandkids is rare and precious, and the presents can be a bit over-the-top at times.  What do we do?  Fear not, ladies!  There are a few ways we, as moms, can handle out-of-control gift-giving.

For starters, we need to accept this fact: in general, grandparents WILL spoil their grandchildren.  There’s really nothing we can do about it.  Now, before anyone thinks I have a defeatist’s attitude toward this particular subject, I want to point out that I think that we CAN influence the AMOUNT of spoiling that occurs and make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.  None of us wants to have kids that are ungrateful (especially to our own parents!), so it’s important that we approach it from two sides:

1. Your kids – Remind them to say “please” and “thank you” when requesting or receiving something from your (or your spouse’s) parents.  It’s really easy to teach kids manners when we are around teachers, friends, and even strangers, but the family arena seems to be the first place where politeness jumps out the window.  Reminding kids about simple manners before they visit their grandparents can work wonders, and help your kids to remember to be thankful.  If your concern is limiting the number of toys in the house, let the child(ren) know that, from now on, for each new toy they get from grandma or grandpa, they have to choose one of their older toys to give away to charity.
2. The grandparents – This is the tough one, because some grandparents will react defensively, especially if approached in a confrontational manner.  Start by thanking them for being so loving toward your children, and that their generosity is really appreciated by you. Then let them know you noticed how they much they like to buy things for your kids, and ask them if they’d be willing to redirect their giving.  It doesn’t take much to “spoil” my kids (as they’re still fairly young), so if my mother, for instance, decided to give my kids a personal DVD player just for fun, I would consider that over-the-line.  One way we avoid this in our household is by suggesting toys/games that our children would like to have, ones that seem a little more reasonable in price or quantity. That way, the kids get toys they want, and grandma and grandpa still get to have their fun.  Ask them to save bigger presents for birthdays or Christmas.  If you want to nip the toy-buying in the bud all together, suggest that your parents or in-laws come over with a little present, like a small candy bar or lollipop (or iTunes gift card for older kids), and they can put money in their savings account or college fund.

In the event where grandpa or grandma is not willing to change his/her behavior, there are a few options.  The first one, limiting visits (especially for grandparents who live in the same town), is something I would call for in an extreme situation, where your concern is your child’s safety.  Grandparents allowing young children to watch rated R movies after they’ve been asked not to, for example, would warrant a reaction like that.  Most of us (hopefully) will not encounter this problem.  Another approach is one I mentioned, having your children give away old toys for each new one that they receive.  Or, get a bag of toys and take it over to grandma’s house the next time you visit.  Let her know that the kids have too many toys at the house, and so you’re bringing some extras to stay at her house.  After a few garbage bags full of toys, grandma and grandpa will get tired of the clutter, and probably get the hint.

So, have you ever encountered this problem?  How did you handle it?  What was your parents’ (or in-laws’) reactions?

Photo courtesy of garden beth

More about our Guest Writer:  Sharon was born in Southern California, spent a bit of time in Hawaii, then moved to Texas for ten years, where she met her husband and had her first child.  She now lives in the Middle East with her hubby and two kids, ages 5 and 2.  Her favorite tea is Earl Grey, and favorite dessert is any cupcake from Sprinkles.  She loves learning new languages (currently working on Arabic), traveling, and cooking.

At our son’s 4 year old check-up in June, our pediatrician dropped a bombshell on us… “he’s obese”.  How on earth could this perfectly healthy child with easily viewable ribs be obese?  Our pediatrician suggested that we see a nutritionist and get the situation “under control”.  We walked out of the appointment baffled by the thought of our thin child being obese.   

After talking to other friends who use the same pediatrician, I found that this was almost a common diagnosis.  We compared our children and all agreed that they look healthy.  Not too thin, not too thick… just right.  (And truthfully, we are the kind of friends who would say if things appeared differently!)  I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how this diagnosis could apply to these kids.  They were healthy, active kids! 

Then it dawned on me… Body Mass Index (BMI), the way in which obesity is measured, measures height to weight proportions.  It does not take into account muscle mass.  While most children aren’t teeming with bulging muscles, they can have significant muscle mass.  I take this to be a huge flaw in the overall diagnosing process.  BMI also does not take into account a growth spurt.  Some children gain weight and then grow in height and even out.   

Of course, we have taken steps to try and reduce Andrew’s overall weight, as with his diabetes he is more prone to developing other life-threatening conditions later in life, but now we are just amazed at how thin he looks. 

And then there is the flip-side… “they are too thin”.  Two of my friends have been criticized in their parenting because their children are by nature exceptionally thin.  They are healthy children, but just tend to be very thin, even when mom tries shoving cupcakes down their throats to get them where they are “supposed” to be. 

 My friends and I have all come to the same conclusion: while we trust and look to our pediatricians for support and guidance, there are just sometimes that we feel we need to throw their medical expertise out the window and trust our own parental instincts as to what is right and wrong for our children. 

Have you had a similar experience?  How did you handle it?  Do you feel comfortable at times not following your pediatrician’s recommendations? 

Photo Courtesy of webchicken

We all know that children pick up everything they hear.  When we converse, my hubby and I are constantly spelling key words, finding creative synonyms, or using parental code.  It is a hoot to watch my daughter listening with all her might.  She reminds me of myself when I am listening to people speak a foreign language I’ve vaguely studied – I know every sixth word or so.   When she does follow us, she jumps in with questions and responses.  She’s quick, that girl.

Lucy often calls her brother “Buddy” now, because that is a nickname we have for our son.  This makes us smile.  And hearing our son say, “Get down! Get funky!” at the dinner table is good for a laugh.  (We taught him that.)  But I am most proud when my children use phrases we want them to say without being told.  Here are just a few biggies:

• “May I please have ______________?”  Long ago, my daughter mixed up some of these words and now every request begins with “Please may I __________?”  I think she thinks “Please may” is one word, because I’m hearing it in other questions now: “Please may can we go to the bookstore?”  Regardless of the word order, I’m just happy to hear the “please” and the tone of a question being asked.  When the kids get forgetful, they get demanding, and their mouths produce all kinds of imperatives that I find rude, like when my son drops his cup and says, “Get my cup, Mom!”
• “May I be excused?”  We’ve been working on this one for about a year.  Often when my child was finished eating, she’d just get up and leave the room.  I didn’t care for that to become a habit, so we started teaching this request.  It’s still a work-in-progress.  My son has about outgrown his booster seat, so this will begin all over again soon.
• “Thank you.”  This is a no-brainer, yet small children don’t have the natural inclination to be grateful for anything!  They know how to say thank you – they just hardly ever do.  I am always shocked and delighted to hear an unprompted thanks. 
• “I forgive you.”  Our kids get plenty of practice saying, “I’m sorry” every time they are finished with time-out.  My husband and I feel it is equally important that they hear an “I forgive you” when they apologize.  It is becoming as natural as saying “You’re welcome” to a thank you.   When we coach our children through an argument, one of them always ends up saying, “I’m sorry.”  And the other is prompted to say, “I forgive you.”  Forgiveness is powerful.  Hearing and saying the words is a necessary part of conflict resolution.  I don’t want my children to grow up being unfamiliar with this phrase.  The other day, when my son apologized to his sister for pushing her, he stood there expectantly.  She didn’t say anything.  Eli said, “Mom, Lucy needs to say, ‘I forgive you.’”  Then she did.  I feel good about that. 

What phrases do you spend energy trying to teach your children?  What is something you say that your child has repeated?