The Mom Crowd

All the moms I know love it when their babies nap. When babies get out of that newborn stage where they sleep anywhere and everywhere sometimes napping gets a little more challenging. Once the baby is a few months old and mommy has to go back to work, take care of other kids at home, actually get some cleaning and laundry done….you know what I am saying– it is wonderful when the baby sleeps for a good long chunk during the day so some of those things can get done. It is so relieving for many moms when babies learn to nap in their bed, on the floor, in a stroller, in a car seat…..point being when the baby doesn’t have to be held every time he needs to sleep. Some babies just don’t transition from that newborn “I’m going to be such a laid back, easy sleeping baby” to napping on their own very well.

Have you ever rocked and rocked your baby to sleep only to have him wake up 20 minutes after you lay him down? Do you get stressed out if your baby fusses or cries before falling asleep? Would you prefer to help your baby nap well without letting him cry? Do you wonder why your baby can only sleep for 45 minutes during a nap? Have you ever wondered when your baby needs to drop a nap? Will your baby only go to sleep if you nurse him to sleep? Does your baby/toddler have a hard time napping in general? Do you struggle with having a consistent bedtime/naptime routine? Do you wonder how much sleep your baby/toddler/preschooler needs over a 24 hour period? Do you feel like you’ve tried everything and you still need help getting your child to nap?

If you answered YES to any (or all!) of these questions, then you will probably enjoy The No-Cry Nap Solution. Especially if you are fond of gentle, gradual change that includes as little crying from the baby as possible. I found this book very easy to read and it truly did address many problems that parents face when it comes to children and napping. Elizabeth Pantley offers several step-by-step guides in her book and is very gentle in her approach to getting children into a good napping routine. Her approach is compassionate and also practical.

When I got the book in the mail, I first skimmed it to see what she had to say about situations that I am currently facing with 2 of my children. My youngest (16 months) still takes 2 naps a day and I am ready for him to go down to one. I wanted to see what she had to say about dropping the morning nap. She has a list of criteria to help you determine if your baby still needs 2 naps. After reading her list (very helpful!), I determined that Graham isn’t ready to drop his morning nap. Then I skimmed the chapter on how to know if your child is ready to drop naps all together. Again, very helpful–and she had a GREAT section on how to create a good “hush hour” for your non-napping children. She had some sample daily sleep/nap/activity schedules to help guide you as you create healthy sleep routines for your kids. Again, very helpful.

Then I read the book from the beginning. She covers why naps are vital for a child’s development (and a parent’s sanity), she has a nap plan worksheet to help you decide what steps to take next, and is very encouraging to keep trying while figuring it all out. This book is a good choice to read even for parents who want to help prevent sleep problems with their newborn baby. She offers several suggestions for parents to start practicing right from the beginning.

I have been a big fan of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, since I read it 5 years ago. I found that The No Cry Nap Solution has very similar theories and ideas as Healthy Sleep Habits. The No Cry Nap Solution is much more practical and easy to read than Healthy Sleep Habits. For parents who tend to have more of an “attachment parenting” style I think The No Cry Nap Solution is a GREAT choice. Even parents who are in more of the “BabyWise” or “don’t mind if your babies learn how to soothe themselves to sleep” camp will appreciate all the suggestions and information the book offers. I found that Pantley is more comfortable with allowing a baby to nap in a swing, stroller, bouncy seat, car ride (motion sleep) than I am. In the early newborn stage when babies fall asleep so easily, motion sleep makes sense because that is what babies are used to. I found from my own experience that swing naps or car naps were not as restorative as when my kids slept in their own beds. Pantley is much more gradual in her approach (than I have been) to getting kids to sleep in their beds rather than a swing or moving stroller during naptime. To Pantley’s credit, she does have a clear plan/outline for parents on how to switch from a motion nap to a motionless nap. It just takes longer than the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child way.

I enjoyed reading this book and give it a thumb’s up review. If you have read any of Elizabeth Pantley’s other books and enjoyed them, then no doubt you will enjoy this one as well.

For discussion: What nap problems are you dealing with right now? Let’s comiserate together!

When my husband and I were childless we didn’t not understand what life was like for our friends who had kids. We sometimes wondered why my sister-in-law would leave early from a family dinner so her kids wouldn’t miss their eight o’clock bedtime. We didn’t understand why one night would be such a big deal.

We also had grand illusions of how we would be different as parents. We dreamt of getting sitters often and going anywhere at anytime with our kids. Then reality hit us  with our first baby.

Now that we are parents we certainly have a greater understanding of what it means to parent and we have a lot more grace for other parents.

Here are ten things that we just didn’t understand before our little one came along.

1. Bedtimes and nap schedules are important to keep kids and parents happy.

2. Getting a babysitter is a big deal and expensive.

3. A night out with adult conversation is a treat.

4. How difficult it is to get a great photo of your child.

5. Not feeding kids sugar is important, because it really does make them hyper.

6. You just can’t go anywhere at anytime when you want, no matter how flexible your kids are.

7. Kids don’t always behave as you want them to in public places.

8. It really does take a long time just to get out the door.

9. Don’t assume that a child’s misbehavior is a result of lack of discipline.  Most of the time parents really are trying their best and the kid is just acting their age.

10. Mother’s Day Out and other programs like it are very awesome.

Did you have grand illusions of what parenting would be like before kids? Were there things that you didn’t understand about your friends with kids, but you get now that you are a parent?

As we are knee-deep in the holiday season, I am realizing something kinda important: Lucy has learned who Santa Claus is.  (She’ll be three in a couple of months.)  When we were decorating our tree a week ago, she said, “That’s Santa!”  We think she picked up on it from an episode of “Dora the Explorer”.  She is no longer an oblivious baby with no need to know about Santa one way or another.   We’re now faced with the question:  What do we teach her about Santa?  People are always asking us at Christmastime if we “do Santa” with our kids, especially friends and people we know from our church.  Apparently, it’s a tradition still embraced by most of the church-going folks in my own community.

[Until now, I think my husband & I just looked at this issue with a mixture of ambivalence and laziness.  The older we get, the wearier we become with the whole commercial Christmas machine.  It just seems somewhat insignificant in light of our world's greater troubles: the poor, the homeless, the sick, the dying, the starving, the oppressed - the people who live on next to nothing and struggle just to survive.  I hate to be Debbie Downer and all, but the more I learn, the less I care about presents or Santa.  My husband and I have pretty much decided not to give each other anything this year - we don't need more stuff - and donate our Christmas gift budget to a bigger cause.  We did buy small gifts for Lucy and Eli.

I grew up with the magic of Christmas - I think I learned the truth about the jolly fat fellow when I was about nine years old.  I loved Christmas season for the magic it brought with it, especially the gifts.  As a child, the presents are all that matter!  And well into my twenties, I tried to preserve that magic with gift giving galore.  After awhile, though, I realized it was quite a job to shop for people who already have everything they need (or who can go buy what they want any other day of the year).]

But back to the question at hand: what and how do we teach our kids about this time-honored tradition of Santa Claus, Rudolph, and the naughty & nice list?  Ultimately, it is a matter to be decided by each parent or set of parents.  My husband and I need to sit down and decide how much we want our kids to believe, and how much we want to make it about God and the world and its brokenness, about Jesus’ birth and the Giant Rescue Plan God created to bring mankind back to Him.  We also need to agree on how we’ll show the spirit of Christmas to our children – if we make it all about ourselves, the cookies, the parties, the fun, or if we balance it with a concern and compassion for others in need.  (We don’t have it figured out yet, believe me.)

Then we have to figure out how to raise our kids in a culture that preserves and celebrates this annual tradition.  No, I don’t want to be the “mean family” who spoils it for all of the other kids – I would hope we’d show our kids how to have discernment and keep certain things to themselves.  But kids will be kids – they are more honest than anyone.  I really can’t help it if my child wants to share something true with another child, especially if it’s an accident or in total innocence.  It’s not my goal to correct the thinking of other children or to throw another family’s Christmas tradition under the bus.  I’d rather our family be known for its commitment to serving others and being a light in the darkness.  And I have a feeling we’ll be learning what that looks like through a lot of trial and error in the Christmases to come.

I recently read a couple of other articles on this topic, and was somewhat stunned by the extreme points of view people have about the tradition of Santa, especially when I hold them up to my own.  “To each his own” I read a few times on comment boards, and I have to agree.  Read at your own risk, and then decide for yourself whether or not it’s worth your precious time and energy to jump in on an argument that will ultimately lead nowhere.  I say, let’s channel that energy into helping someone in need this season.

• I Refuse To Let My Kid Believe In Santa from the Momlogic Community
• Emily’s next-day response, also at Momlogic
• Should Kids Believe In Santa Claus? from Kaboose
• What a Family Therapist Says from Kaboose

Here at The Mom Crowd, we’d love for you to weigh in on the Santa tradition – I just humbly ask that we be nice to each other as we share our ideas and strategies.  So let’s hear it: To what degree is Santa important in your family’s Christmas tradition?  Are you annoyed with parents who don’t teach their kids about Santa?  Are you annoyed with parents who do?  Like me, are you somewhere in the middle?  Is it possible to teach our kids how to keep a secret in order to protect another child’s innocence?  Is it possible to teach our kids to be passionate about social justice and compassion for others as much as they care about gifts under the tree?  

I am not a morning person.  I love to sleep.  The lack of sleep that comes with having children is probably my biggest personal challenge (and sacrifice)–well, that and staying calm when the children are not listening to directions–but that is a whole other topic. We prefer to have our kids go to bed on the earlier end (oldest and middle child with no nap=b/t 6:45 and 7, with nap= 8:30 or maybe 9, baby=b/t 6:30 and 7:00).  We parental units like to enjoy some sit in front of the tv time to decompress quality time together.  The unfortunate problem with this is that our kids tend to get up early and when they get up TOO early–it is often way before the chickens are stirring from their coops.  Like before 6am.  Anytime before 6:30 is too early in my book–7:00 is perfect.

When we moved the oldest and middle child to the same room this summer we ran into some problems.  They either accidently or purposely woke each other up.  Middle child had a habit of pooping around 6 a.m. in his diaper.  Rolling around in poo and smelling up the room probably woke up oldest child.  Before we moved older child into middle child’s room, middle child would hang out in bed for a long time quietly talking or resting and would get up when he heard others up.  Older child loves people so when he wakes up wants to be around ANYone and EVERYone.  No leisure time in bed for him. You can see how this could be a problem with room sharing.

4 and 5 year olds don’t always understand that waking up their siblings can be a very selfish thing to do–not to mention it can really make mommy’s day miserable. Especially if she is dealing with 2 children who did not get the right number of hours of sleep.  More whining and fighting anyone? We recently took out their lamp on their nightstand because one brother (I’m sure you can guess who) would decide to turn it on when he woke up–didn’t matter what time in the morning, and didn’t matter if other brother was sleeping. And trying to explain that other brother was whinier, grumpier and less pleasant to be around didn’t phase him.  Grrrrrrr!  And of course the lamp lighter brother had the biggest attitude about going back to bed. So what do you do when your kid gets up at the crack and refuses or “can’t” (aka WON’T) go back to bed for sleep or rest?

We have tried several things, some worked better than others:

1. A few years ago, we put a lamp on a timer so older child would know when it was okay to get up and out of bed.  It seemed to work for a while but then he figured out how to mess with the timer and/or unplug it so we stopped being consistent with it.

2. We have finagled with bedtimes to see if that helps.  We love the book, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, and have moved some bedtimes up earlier so they would sleep later.  Counterintuitive I know, but it does work.  Overtired children are more likely to wake up more often in the middle of the night and wake up early.  Have you ever noticed that when you have a late night out your kids wake up at their same ol’ time or EARLIER?  I am always hopeful they will sleep in–but I keep reminding myself that when they become teenagers and hibernate in their rooms sleeping through the mornings on the weekends I’ll get to really get to sleep in myself.

3. Patiently (keyword: patiently) leading them back to bed to rest until mommy or daddy come get them.  It may only be enough time for some slight dozing or snuggling on the parental end but at least I am cozy in bed and not starting my day yet.  I have had my fair share of mornings being grumpy, mad mommy insisting they go back to bed but that only makes it WORSE–they resist more and I get all riled up so I’m definitely NOT getting any more sleep.  I’m too busy kicking myself for getting frustrated and trying to tell the adrenaline to shut off.

4. Teach them about time with a digital clock.  This is obviously better for older kids but it has been working a little at our house.  We had a special “training session” where I taught the kids how to get out of bed, open and shut their bedroom door quietly so they wouldn’t disturb the other person sleeping.  We practiced getting out of bed and using “quiet feet” (we have wood floors on 3 of the 4 levels in our house so it often feels like we live inside a drum) several times. They had a lot of fun with it.  I also have been going over with them almost daily that when the clock says “6:0_, 6:1_, 6:2_, 6:3_” then it is too early to get up and out of bed.  They can lay in bed quietly (and we practiced several examples of what is NOT quiet) and then come out when the clock says “6:4_”.   They can say it verbally back to me but when it comes down to practice they are still a little sketchy about it.  Sometimes they forget to look at the clock, sometimes they read the numbers in the wrong direction–I mean they are 4 and 5 so of course it is going to take them a while to get it down.  They have surprisingly had a lot of fun with all this training and are proud of themselves when they get it right.  It still seems like they wake up at the same time more often than not. We have also been working on teaching about time with an analog clock just to help them with time in general.

5. I haven’t tried this one yet, but I just saw a little blurb in Parents Magazine about it and I am seriously considering ordering one.  A Good Nite Lite was designed by a dad whose kid kept getting up at 5am. He designed the night light to glow like a sun when it is daytime and okay to get out of bed, and like a moon to show that it is still nighttime and to stay in bed.  It costs $35 bucks which might be worth it for some extra sleep.

I realize that this post is geared for older kids in big beds, not babies.  That is a different post that maybe I’ll write about another time.  I have some experience in babies that get up too early too.

So, what do you do when your kids wake up too early?  What has worked for you?  What has been the biggest disaster? 

Earlier this week, I was discussing with my hubby the definition of “preppy“.  It all started because I called our son “Mr. Preppy” – he was wearing a polo-shirt style onesie and the collar was “popped” for a second.  So cute.  In fact, it was his outfit for fall pictures at pre-school a few weeks ago.

It got me thinking about all the different fashion statements we like to make with our children.   For the first several years, they are definitely wearing what we choose for them.  In a way, we make them little reflections of ourselves.  Have you ever dressed your child in clothing that:

• represents a favorite sports team/alma mater/band or musical act?
• makes some kind of political statement?
• matches your own outfit to a tee?

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this; it’s part of the fun of having a child, in my opinion.  We’ve all done this in some form or another, either by choice or because the clothing was a gift from family members, right?  (My children have been wearing more than their fair share of Philadelphia sports teams gear for the past 2 years, that’s for sure. ) 

I’m curious: do you think about what style you want your baby to wear?  Do you seek out certain plaid, button-down styles?  Do you gravitate toward the frilly stuff for your daughter?  Are you prone to stocking up on shirts that have the latest Disney characters screened on them? 

I work in our church nursery each Sunday, so I glimpse a little bit of everything: kids in hand-me-downs, kids in linen overalls and white-collared shirts, kids in Baby Gap from hat to socks, kids in cartoon-related clothes, kids in garage sale clothes.   

The picture above is one that I took of my daughter’s closet when she was first born: stocked with precious dresses and outfits that were ultimately only useful one or two times.  I loved dressing her in them and I miss all that frilliness.  But she’s going on 3 now.  She’s in pre-school two days a week.  It’s all practical, all the time for her.  Jeans, tees, sneakers, and a jacket.  We can’t afford much more than this.  We get everything at Target and Wal-Mart, and we’ve become huge garage sale fans, scoring scads of good clothing at a fraction of the cost.   

Other moms’ thoughts on this subject:

• Junior High, Revisited 
• How to Dress Up Your Kids In Style
• Do  You Have a Problem Dressing Your Children In Wal-Mart Clothes?
• Dress  Your Child For Success: 5 Steps to Building Confidence Through Appearance

What do you think? What habits have you formed in acquiring your kids’ wardrobes?How important is your child’s clothing to you?  Is this irrelevant in our troubling economic times?  Weigh in below.