The Mom Crowd

Recently the incredible Mommy Zabs commented on one of our posts and brought up the subject of letting your kids spend the night at other people houses. I thought it was a great topic to discuss, because I know I am going hear my daughter asking to spend the night at her friend’s house one day.

For advice on sleepovers I turned to my sister-in-law, Denise. She has three girls at the ages of 15, 8, and 6. Needless to say, she has plenty of experience with slumber parties and letting her girls spend the night at their friend’s houses.  I did a Q & A with her on the subject:

How old was your first child when they spent the night at a family members house? At a friend’s house?

My daughter was about 1 year old when she spent the night with my parents.  It was easy and painless.  She spent the night at a friends house when she was 3. I got the call in the middle of the night and realized that she was way too young for a sleep over at a friends house.

Do you have any rules in place before you let one of your daughters spend the night at a friends house? Do you have to meet both parents before letting them spend the night? Do you need to have been in their house before that evening?

Absolutely there have to be rules in place before you let your child spend the night at someone’s house.
*It is VERY important that you go to the house BEFORE the night of the sleepover
*You should have spoken to the parents and know who stays at the house

One thing that my husband and I did to help other parents feel comfortable was we would plan the sleepover when he was not going to be home.

Did you have any fears the first night your child spent the night with someone else? If so, how did you handle them?

Yes, I had plenty of fears the first few nights that all of my girls spent the night at other people’s houses. The first way that I handled it was to say a prayer. That helped me to remember that I knew and trusted the people they were staying with. If all else failed I would call and talk with her.

What do you communicate to your child before they spend the night with someone else?

Make sure that they understand that if they feel uncomfortable they can always call you. We also have had the discussion about their bodies being their own and that no one was allowed to touch or see them.  Also, we discussed manners and how they should behave in another persons home.

Do you communicate any rules about bedtimes, foods, or movies with the parents hosting the sleep-over?

Yes, by knowing the parents I feel comfortable communicating what types of movies my daughter can or can not watch. I also have asked before that the junk food be limited.

Have you ever had to tell your child that they could NOT spend the night at someone’s house?

Yes, If I have not gotten to know the parents of the other child I will not let my daughters spend the night.

Do you let your kids go to Slumber Parties?

Yes, but all the rules that I previously stated apply.

Do you host Slumber Parties? What do you do to calm the fears of parents letting their children spend the night with you?

Yes, I host slumber parties. When the girls are under 10 we made sure that my husband was going to be out with friends. Also, when the parents come to drop their child off I always let them come in the house and stay until they feel comfortable. I make sure that the parents know what we are planning. We exchange phone numbers, home and cell.

Finally, do you have any advice for other parents about letting their kids spend the night at a friend’s house?

Use your best judgment. If it feels wrong don’t be afraid to say no. Make sure that you know who your kids are friends with. You can’t know all the other children that your child meets at school but if you talk with them you can get an idea. Invite their friends over for short play dates. By doing this you will be able to meet their parents.

Thank you, Denise, for letting me ask you a few questions!

Have you let your kids spend the night at their friends’ houses? What rules do you have in place?