Every Mom Needs a Mentor: Helpful Things I Learned From Janell
Something that has struck me over the past 5 years was how important it is for mothers to be a support to one another and learn from one another. Since having kids I have connected with women in a whole new way. There is something woven in our inner beings that make moms come together. Maybe is the desperation we all feel to be good moms and raise our kids well. Maybe it is to overcome the overwhelming responsibility day after day of caring for our kids. Maybe it is simply to learn what worked for other moms so we can try it on our own kids. Whatever the reason, we moms need each other. I have learned so much from other moms but I felt that I must honor a good friend and mentor: Janell Leland.
Janell took interest in me before I was even pregnant with my first child. I was a young married woman and she– an older married woman, who happened to have 8 children. When I first met Janell she was like a superhero to me. I mean, she had 8 children! I was drawn to her quiet spirit and her wisdom. Janell is slow to speak, a good listener, a faithful friend, an honoring wife, a good mother, a thoughtful hostess. She had qualities and characteristics that I myself wanted as a wife and mother.
It was so interesting to go into her world and watch her mother her children. I would ask her questions about birth, breastfeeding, babies, and husband “stuff”. She was always happy to answer my questions, share her own experiences, and listen to my worries.
When I got pregnant for the first time she was top on my list to ask questions to. How did you get your babies to sleep? What were your labors like? How do you cope with the sleep loss? How do you take care of the younger kids who aren’t in school and homeschool your older kids? My husband is doing _fill in the blank_ does yours ever do that and how should I deal with it?
Over the years I have gotten some pretty good advice from Janell. Some of my favorites are:
1) Enjoy every baby as if it were your last. I have done this with my 3rd baby and it does make a world of difference! Even during the harder times this thought goes through my head and it helps me cherish my baby.
2) When you are about to have another baby nip any behavioral problems with the youngest child in the bud before the baby comes.
3) It isn’t the end of the world if you let your kid cry in the pack and play while you get some things done.
4) When your child does something wrong (like being unkind), learn to ask, “Was what you did right?” We more typically say, with a scold to our voice, “That was wrong!” By asking the question, we allow the child to better recognize that yes indeed, what s/he did was wrong. We must remember that God gave the child a conscience. Asking the question allows him/her to use it and become more aware of what’s right and wrong.
Those are just a few of the nuggets of wisdom that I have learned from Janell. I am sad that we don’t live in the same city anymore and that we don’t talk as often as I would like to but I am truly thankful for her investment in my own life. I hope that when I am an older mom that I will be a blessing to another young mom in the same way she was to me.
What about you….have you had a mentoring mom come your way? What was your experience? What characteristics/qualities do you look for in other moms that you want to emulate? Ever mentored a younger mom? What good advice did you get?
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Great tips! She sounds great. I don’t have a specific mom as a mentor but I try to glean ideas and wisdom from every mom I meet, particularly the older ones with awesome, well-rounded children (who are now all grown up). Some things I’ve observed that seem to affect how the kids “turn out” are
families eating dinner together every night
families praying together on a daily basis
kids having the opportunity to expand their worldview and realize that there’s more to the world than just America and suburban upper middle class culture
I’ll probably think of more. These are things we hope to instill in our family habits/beliefs.
You know, I read this post in draft form a while ago and I have often thought about number 3 lately. That is something I am bad about and my husband has encouraged me in. It’s okay to let Ace cry a little when i put her down, so I can go switch loads or whatever. I don’t get as much during the day, because I am always taking care of Ace. She has gotten better and I have let her cry a little more and the house is a bit neater.
Daniel and I have a mentor couple in the church. They did our pre-marriage counseling and they teach the parenting class that we just finished. Their kids are awesome so we love modeling after them. In fact I get to help with their daughter’s wedding next week.
I also have another mom that I meet with twice a month. She was a huge encouragement to me when I almost gave up breastfeeding. She painted a picture of what it looked like on the other side, if I just made it there (and I did.) I will always be grateful for that encouragement.
Great tips; thanks for passing them along!
I’m thankful that my own mother was and continues to be a great example for me. She is a great resource and sounding board. However, I am also grateful for my friends who are in the same station of life as I currently find myself. It’s nice to have that common ground and opportunity relate and learn from one another.
Thanks for the tips Amelia. I have to work on #4.
I’ve never had a mentoring mom per se. Whenever my MIL visits or we fly home, I do ask her questions and advice on parenting because she’s raised 4 children who’s grown to become amazing adults. Since my MIL doesn’t live locally, I do observe my friends and their interactions/responses to their child/ren. There are so many amazing moms out there to learn and grow from.
I have a very close friend who I consider my “mentor” and one of my best friends. She has two older children and a younger child who is Darah’s age. She seems to have done so much “right” with her older two kids and by interacting with her children, it’s apparent that she’s an amazing mother! One thing I’ve picked up from her is the way she and her husband intentionally show their love for each other in front of their children. She told me how before they tuck their son (who’s 3) in bed they do a routine where they kiss him goodnight, then they kiss each other. I love that they are intentional on making sure their kids see them being affectionate and kind toward one another. Too many times my children have seen me irritated with my spouse, so it’s important to not wait for the kids to be asleep to love on my husband. Gosh, that’s only one thing in a million that I’ve learned from her, though! I could write a book of “What I’ve Learned From Angie!”