The Mom Crowd

After I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago my husband and I had to decide when to tell people we are pregnant with our second. With the first baby we immediately told our family and a few close friends who knew we were trying. My mother-in-law’s Baby Radar is off the charts and we wanted to tell her before she figured it out herself. I waited to tell my job and the rest of the world until after my first appointment at the doctor’s office.

This time around we decided to birth at the San Antonio Birthing Center and my first appointment isn’t until I am 10 – 12 weeks along. We just can’t wait that long for confirmation before we tell everyone. Also, with me getting sick so early it is kind of hard to hide. So we told the world last week.

I know some people enjoy having a secret or choose to keep it a secret until they have more confirmation than a pee stick that everything is okay. I have never been through the loss of a pregnancy. I wouldn’t know if I would want the support of my friends if something horrible happens or if I would hate having to tell people over and over again what happened. I think this is one of the main reasons people wait to tell the world. Everyone’s situation is so different based on their previous experiences and the way they handle grief.

It all comes down to the time that you feel comfortable telling everyone. Also, as friends and family we she should never be insulted or upset when we hear that someone else is pregnant and has been for a long time. When someone chooses to tell you is completely up to them.

My husband and I aren’t the kind of people that can keep exciting news to ourselves. Two months ago I told a few friends that I thought I was pregnant only to get a full blown period a few days later and sending out a sheepish email saying I wasn’t after all. (I really think that when you get off the pill your hormones go all wacky.) I would definitely wait until you see the double pink lines before you tell people that you think you are pregnant.

When did you tell people you were pregnant? Was anyone ever insulted that you told them later in your pregnancy? 

Additional Resources:

BabyCenter: When should I tell family members that I’m pregnant?
Mothering: When to tell people that you are pregnant?
The Poop: When should you tell people you’re pregnant?

I prepared for childbirth like most moms. My husband and I attended a series of child birthing classes and created a birthing plan. I had incredibly fast labors with both of my children. During my first delivery, my epidural made my whole bottom half incredibly numb (just like it’s supposed to) which made it hard to push. My nurse asked me if I wanted to use the mirror so I could see the muscles contracting and I could know how to push effectively. Well, I wasn’t planning on keeping the mirror there for very long, but Darah came very quickly and there wasn’t time to tell the nurse to get the mirror out of the way. I watched her delivery and it was incredible! I was so glad the mirror was there! It was so amazing to see her little body enter the world for the first time. I will never forget that moment. It was perfection!

Fast forward two years and three months later. I found myself again in the delivery room, dilated to 10cm, and ready to PUSH! I specifically asked the nurse for the mirror this time because I wanted to have that magical moment of watching my second child’s delivery. Well, this one didn’t just slide right out like my first. I know this isn’t record breaking, but compared to the time it took to push my daughter out (less than 10 minutes), 45 minutes felt like an eternity! I was getting nervous because he wasn’t coming out very quickly and was very irritable. The mirror was getting on my nerves. I didn’t remember that it was a magnified mirror before and my butt was huge! This was not nearly as romantic as using the mirror with my daughter’s delivery, but I felt committed. Second children always get the short end of the stick, and I didn’t want to start short-changing things for my second child in the delivery room!

So, the mirror stayed and I (and everyone else in the room) stared at my butt in a 10x magnified miror for 45 minutes. The saddest part is my eyes were closed during his delivery and I missed it anyway. We later found out why he had such a hard time arriving…he was 10 pounds! The second he was born, I completely forgot the mirror was there and gazed at my perfect little boy. I then looked back down and saw the crazy long umbilical cord (I had no idea how long that thing was!) and saw the doctor going to town with a needle and a thread on my poor body…all magnified in that blasted mirror! I told the nurse to move the mirror and went back to heaven in my arms.

If we have another baby, I will most definitely use the mirror again. The only thing I’ll change is it will not be pointed to my butt until the baby is crowning!

I’m not even going to ask a question to start some conversation…I am hoping some fun discussions sprout on their own from this brave honesty of mine!

Kegels.

Pubococcygeus Muscle (PC muscle).

Know what I am talking about?

The Kegel exercise is one that strengthens the pubococcygeus muscle which is part of your pelvic floor. They are called Kegels because it is named after a Dr. Kegel who came up with the exercise of tightening and relaxing the muscle.

Still don’t know what I am talking about?

You may have been told to do some kegel exercises during pregnancy. The simplest way to know if you are doing the exercise correctly is to sit on the toilet while you are peeing and try to stop the flow of urine. When you contract and release your PC muscle you should notice a starting/stopping or slowing of the urine leaving your body.

There are many benefits to “kegeling” for a pregnant woman. First, it can help with urinary incontinence. During pregnancy it is normal for muscles to relax and women often find themselves leaking a little pee when they laugh, sneeze, cough, run etc. Doing Kegels regularly will help prevent urine leaks. Studies have shown that it doesn’t matter whether or not you have had a vaginal birth or c-section—- pregnancy strains or weakens the pelvic floor muscles. It was once believed that having an episiotomy prevented urinary incontinence but studies have shown that doing kegels regularly can help prevent and heal a weakened pelvic floor muscle during pregnancy.

One of the most important benefits of having a strong pelvic floor during pregnancy is that it helps the baby’s chin to be tucked into its chest. This allows the best positioning for the baby’s head to help dilate the cervix and then slip through the pelvis and birth canal. If the baby’s chin isn’t tucked into its chest during birth it can make labor and birth more difficult. Pushing your baby out gently (as opposed to pushing really hard as the baby head crowns and shoulders come out) also helps prevent tearing. Deep perineal tears and episiotomies can also compromise your pelvic floor since your perineum (what is torn or cut) is attached to that muscle. There are many things you can do to help prevent tearing during the pushing part of birth but that is a whole other post!

Kegel exercises are the first exercises you can do after birthing your baby. You can start with the doctor or midwife’s okay 24 hours after the birth.

Kegel exercises benefit women in more ways than urinary continence. It also makes sex more, um, pleasurable for both the woman and her husband/partner. It helps women to have increased blood flow in the sensitive areas during sex and also helps women to have orgasms. When you first start doing Kegels after the baby is born it is quite difficult but it gets easier as time goes on and it is definitely worth it! I always laugh at a part in Jenny McCarthy’s book Baby Laughs where she and her husband would joke about whether or not sex would feel like “throwing a hot dog down a hallway” after having a baby. Kegel exercises prevent postpartum sex from feeling like that!

Older women tend to have more problems with urinary incontinence and pelvic prolapse (when pelvic organs slip down too far). Practicing Kegels throughout one’s lifetime can promote a better sex life, less urinary and bowel incontinence, and healthy pelvic organ placement. The hardest thing about the very simple Kegel exercise is remembering to do them.

In order to get started all you need is a few quiet moments to concentrate and make sure you are doing them correctly. Keep the kids out of the bathroom a time or two (easier said than done, I know!) so you can have some peace and quiet. Try to start and stop the urine flow while you are peeing. Once you get the hang of how the muscle works you can now do your Kegels anywhere! It is actually not recommended to do them on the toilet (regularly) because it could encourage bacteria to flow back into the bladder which can cause a bladder infection.

You can Kegel at red lights, while watching tv, folding laundry, doing the dishes, playing legos–whatever works for you.

Start by:

Doing 50 a day for a few weeks. Then work your way up to 100 a day for a few weeks. Then 200 a day.

Some patterns of Kegels:

Contract and then let fade away

Contract/Release

Contract, Hold for 2 seconds, Release

Contract, Contract, Contract, Hold, Release, Release, Release (like stair steps)

If you work your way through the patterns, I think you will see an improvement in your PC muscle over the next month. Good luck!

What is it like? I just experienced going to a home birth as a birth assistant a few weeks ago and it was awesome. It felt so normal and natural for the mom to labor and birth in her own home with her other children nearby. As a supporter and advocate of mother centered birth I have always been excited about home birth and the idea that women should birth their babies where they feel most comfortable. For some women, it is their home. They feel more comfortable and safe in their own familiar environments. They don’t have to worry about poking and prodding from strangers and can simply move from room to room as they feel during labor. Once the birth is over mom can shower in her own shower and then go to her own bed with her baby. So easy! After seeing it firsthand I can understand in a new way why mothers choose home birth.

Where does the mom birth her baby? Wherever she chooses. Midwives have a list of supplies for the mom to acquire before the birth and one of them is usually a clear vinyl shower curtain that can be laid on top of the bed or floor to protect the surface. If a mom thinks she will want to birth in her bed she will put on a set of sheets, the vinyl shower curtain, and then another set of clean sheets on top of the shower curtain. The shower curtain protects the mattress and once the birth is over all the midwives need to do is take off the sheets and shower curtain used to birth on and throw them in the washer and then mom has some clean sheets to lay down on. A lot of moms will birth their babies next to the bed in a squatting position or in the living room. Some midwives have birth stools for the mom to sit on while she pushes the baby out. Midwives will talk with the mom either when she arrives for the birth or ahead of time about where the mom thinks she will birth the baby. If the mom has a good idea where she will want to birth the baby then the midwives will set up their equipment nearby so it will be convenient to get to during labor and birth.

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My little girl celebrated her first birthday with a party at our house this weekend. So I decided I should probably finish putting her nursery together, you know, so I can show it off to all my family and friends. Luckily Ace can’t talk yet and complain about my wall color choice or beg for Dora posters. The nursery still isn’t complete. There are two blue v-shaped floating shelves that I am waiting for my husband to hang.

We started the nursery when I was pregnant. We didn’t find out the gender so we wanted a gender-neutral room. Also, we are planning a second child some time soon and I didn’t want to re-theme the same room for the second one. I am way too cheap frugal that way. We chose a light lime/apple color for walls. We matched the wall paint to a pair crib sheets we picked out. Then anchored the room with white furniture and blue and orange accents.

The Room

* Diaper Champ! love it. Gift from baby shower
* White Dresser from Ikea – $69.99
* Changing pad from a baby shower gift.
* Oatmeal laundry basket – Gift from baby shower
* Dump truck from my niece.
* Orange hanging storage unit from Ikea – $4.99. This is a great place to store all those bazillion stuffed animals that we receive as gifts. Really, how many stuffed animals does a girl need?
* Dimmer on the wall from Lowe’s – $20
* Art by me.

* Crib from Babies R’ Us – A gift from my in-laws and Uncle at my baby shower!
* Sage Gerber Crib Sheet from Babies R’ Us – $7.99
* White Dust Ruffle from Babies R’ Us – $17.99
* Art by me.

* Do you see the strange blue things in the corner? Those are the two blue wall shelves from Ikea that need to be hung – $6.99 each.
* Hedda Multicolor curtains from Ikea – $29.99
* Bright orange sheers from Ikea – $14.99 for a pack of two
* Curtain hardware from Ikea – $3.99 for rod – $1.49 for hardware.
* Marley the monkey and stroller were gifts.

* White bookshelf is a hand-me-down from my friend, Barb.
* Blue storage bins from Ikea – $1.49 each.
* Books, frame, and stuffed animals were gifts.

The Closet

* Large storage boxes from Ikea – $6 for pack for 2.
* Small boxes for clothes (notice: they are all labeled!) – $3.99 for 2.

Lighting

* Magnesium Spotlight System from Ikea – $69.99. I saw a picture of a nursery with cool track lighting and found this alternative. They were really easy to install. We also added a dimmer. I also like how the S-shape mimics the pattern in the curtains.

Art

* Canvases were a total of $35. I can’t remember. Brushes – $3. I used leftover wall paint for the paint. I am not an artist and this was my first attempt. I used to see abstract pieces of art and think, “I could do that!” Now I know why art costs so much. I didn’t have the right paint and my skills simply aren’t the best. I did these really quickly last week.

* The circle art is inspired by Essence-Chocolate and Essence-Blue from art.com.

* The alphabet piece highlights my daughter’s initials in orange. I remember seeing a website where they would create an artwork piece with your child’s name highlighted in the alphabet. It just worked out the A,C, and E are the beginning for me.

Putting together Ace’s nursery was incredibly fun for me. Can you tell I love Ikea? Did you put a nursery together for your little one? Do you kid’s room have a color palette or theme?

We’d love to see your nursery or kid’s room – post a picture or video to your blog or to flickr or YouTube (etc) and leave a link in comments below!