The Mom Crowd

I got to spend a whole day with Ina May Gaskin, well known midwife and author of books Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and Spiritual Midwifery.  She came to Pittsburgh to speak to a group of doulas, childbirth educators, midwives, labor nurses, and anyone interested in the power of birth.  She gave several talks: Hands: Our Treasured Tools, Sphincter Law, Forgotten Powers of the Vagina, Demand Cesareans, and Post-Date Inductions.  

I was very interested in her talk on post-date inductions because this issue is one that is so common and one that many women have to face, either by doctors who are pushing inductions for various reasons (many unnecessary), or by women who do go past their due dates.  I rather enjoyed her talk on Sphincter Law.  Not only was it entertaining, but she highlighted the idea that bringing humor into the labor room can be freeing for the woman in labor and can also help her labor to chug along and be less painful.

A word about induction:  Did you know that first time moms who get induced are twice as likely to end up with a cesarean than mothers who go into spontaneous labor?  Did you know that there are many natural things you can try to get labor going instead of opting for pitocin first?  Did you know that many practices like to induce women with a drug called Cytotec (misoprostal) that has not been proven to be safe for pregnant mothers?  It is a great drug to use for post-partum hemorhage but when used to induce labor, there can be many complications.  Cytotec is a drug that cannot be counteracted, it can’t be turned off like pitocin can.  It can’t be removed from the body. One of the complications of the drug is that it can cause hyperstimulation of the uterus which can then distress the baby.  Using a drug that can’t be counteracted and can have harmful effect on both the mother and the baby is not wise.  Many women are not shared the possible risks when given this drug.  Ina May is very passionate about women knowing their options when it comes to birth.

In her book, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, she goes over the theory of Sphincter Law thoroughly.  It was fun to hear her talk about it in person.  The basic premise behind Sphincter Law is that the cervix also functions like a sphincter.  Like our other well known sphincters (think toilet humor), the cervix doesn’t respond well to commands, pressure, or fear.  How many of you have had “stage fright” when it comes to pooping or peeing in front of someone or sitting next to someone in the next stall?  Our emotional state of relaxation can have a powerful effect on the cervix.  Fear and shame can keep the cervix closed.  Ina May talked extensively about how bringing in a sense of humor into the place of birth can help the body release endorphins that overrule the adrenaline that gets released when afraid.  Sometimes not understanding what is going on with your body while it is laboring can cause fear too.  Her suggestions for keeping that cervix open and able to open is to bring in humor and allowing your mouth and jaw to relax. Making low groaning sounds or making your lips vibrate like a horse can keep that jaw relaxed.  (Relaxing your jaw also helps  you to poop when it feels difficult to do so .) She recommends that kissing your husband while laboring can also help keep that jaw relaxed.  Of course, if you are laboring in the hospital, you might want to ask for some privacy .

Ina May also talked about her project, The Safe Motherhood Quilt Project.  She started this project several years ago to try and waken the government to the need to decrease the maternal mortality rate here in the US.  Did you know that the maternal mortality rate has not decreased since 1982?  It is increasing, in fact. It is also thought to be grossly underestimated.  We are ranked behind 40 other countried for maternal mortality.  You would think that with all of our technology that the rate would be decreasing but that is not the case.  As the rate of Cesareans has risen, so has the maternal mortality rate.  

Some of the deaths that happen every year of unpreventable, but many are not.  Ina May started making a quilt in honor of the mothers that have died from complications of birth. An interesting phenomenon is the increase of death from amniotic fluid embolism.  Some speculate that the increase of inductions is also increasing the number of deaths from amniotic fluid embolism.  There needs to be more studies done so to show why there is such an increase.

I cannot tell you how important it is to spread the word for women to know their options when it comes to birth.  I advocate giving birth where you feel the most comfortable.  For some women, that is at home.  For others, it is at a birth center or hospital.  It is so important to know the procedures that are done and what the risks and benefits are.  For example, when a woman show up in labor at the hospital, the staff will break her water, insert an internal fetal monitor, and even start her on a pitocin drip to speed up the labor.  A mom may not know that as long as her and the baby are okay, breaking the bag of waters and inserting an internal fetal monitor is going overboard.  Using pitocin when it is not needed is simply unnecssary and introduces risks to the mother and baby.  She may not know that it is okay to refuse those things.   

There are many resources available to help women make informed choices about childbirth.  Some of my favorite books are:

• Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
• The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer
• Creating Your Birth Plan: The Definitive Guide to a Safe and Empowering Birth by Marsden Wagner
• Born in the USA: How a Broken Maternity System Must Be Fixed to Put Women and Children First by Marsden Wagner
• Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care by Jennifer Block
• Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born by Tina Cassidy
• Natural Birth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon

I had a great time enjoying my maternity leave from The Mom Crowd. Thank you so much for all the guest bloggers that filled in for myself, McKenna, Dawn, and Amelia while we either having a baby, going on vacation, or going to Eastern Europe to bring home a new adopted member of the family!

I LOVE hearing labor and delivery stories and I thought I would share how my second delivery went in my first post back. I love how having a blog forces me to write out my story. I know years from now I am going to be glad I wrote this story.

Roman’s Birth Story

I woke up March 3rd at 5:41 a.m. with my first contraction. I was already dilated to 3 cm and the baby was in -1 station before my labor began. The day before my lower back hurt really bad, but I still went walking with my friend Barb around an outdoor mall here in San Antonio to help induce my labor. Looks like walking worked!

For the first hour my contractions were every 10 minutes apart. I woke up my husband after the first hour and he began to time them. I am super thankful that my 22-month-old daughter had Mother’s Day Out (MDO) that day and my husband managed to get her there on time. We also made arrangements for other people to take care of her the rest of the day after MDO. I laid in bed all morning watching t.v. in between contractions.

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Danelle “Barbi” Ice is a problogger and the founder/editor of HomemakerBarbi.com, an online Home & How-To magazine with free resources specializing in homemaking, parenting, frugal living, and family life.  If you liked this article, visit Homemaker Barbi!

New moms wonder about a lot of things as they experience pregnancy, from losing baby weight to pregnant body image.  What you’re most curious about – the weird, funny questions and deep, dark feelings – are what we’re not afraid to talk about.  If you missed yesterday’s 6 truths about pregnancy and motherhood, go read it first.

Below, we’re giving you 6 more truths you don’t have to wonder about anymore!

1.  It’s okay to wear your maternity clothes before you need them just so people will know you’re pregnant.  It’s completely normal to wish you were showing the day you find out the news!  Before you start to show, you walk around feeling different and pregnant, but to the rest of the world you look exactly the same.  If you’re excited for your new maternity clothes and really want people to know your news, by all means – pack away your pre-pregnancy clothes and go maternity now.

2.  Pregnancy tees with funny sayings are A-OK!  Celebrities are wearing them these days, even dads are wearing them.  Shirts that have funny pictures and sayings about pregnancy are all the rage.  2chix.com has “Bun in the oven”, “What’s kickin?”, “It’s a girl”, “Pregzilla”, “You had me at epidural”, and the list goes on and on.  More and more moms want to show off their pregnancies with baby bump t-shirts that advertise the joyous news.  Will you get weird looks and comments from some childless people?  Yes, but who cares!  Enjoy your pregnancy any way you want to – these shirts are a definite “Do”!

3.  Be balanced about baby talk or risk burning out others.  While some husbands and relatives will be just as consumed with thinking about and talking about the baby as you are, keep a balance.  The baby is in you, growing, moving, changing your habits, and with you everywhere you go, every minute.  It’s natural that your thinking will be focused on baby-related talk much of the time.

Please keep this in mind: your husband, friends, and family members are excited about the baby too, but they still love the pre-pregnancy you as well.  It doesn’t have to be baby talk 24/7!  Every once in a while, it’s okay to call up girlfriends and chat about this week’s episode of Lost.  Have a romantic dinner date with your hubby in which you talk about dreams, stories, and interests not centered on the baby.  You can still be the woman he fell in love with, dreams about, and lusts after too – not shifted into the role of mommy and baby-maker 100% of the time!

4.  Breastfeeding is not for every mom.  If you can’t breastfeed, don’t feel guilty.  If you don’t want to, don’t feel bad.  Own your decision and do not listen to unsolicited recommendations from your friends or family.  The decision to breastfeed or not is yours alone; it’s your body and only you have to feel comfortable with what you do.

5.  Not every woman adjusts to motherhood quickly after her first baby is born.  Some women shift into “mommy mode” during pregnancy.  However, others may still not be used to their new role for several months after giving birth.  Give it time and don’t feel bad if it doesn’t come to you naturally right away.  Your new role is a major life change, and it will grow on you with time and experience, so don’t worry!

6.  It is natural to be proud of your pregnant body one minute, and self-conscious the next.  If you’re 7 months pregnant, feel as big as a house (I did), and uncomfortable, it’s hard to feel beautiful and attractive 100% of the time.  Your thoughts may vary wildly, from proud and wanting to show off that baby bump to wishing for your skinny pre-pregnancy body back.

When I was pregnant, I could walk through a store feeling big and proud, until I saw a beautiful (non-pregnant) woman walk by, wearing a stylish (non-maternity) outfit.  Instantly, I’d have a desperate longing for my regular body back, I’d feel large and un-pretty, and feel a little out of place.

While not enjoyable, this body image flip-flop is completely normal!  Your body image in your mind is the picture of how you envision yourself.  For most of us, that picture is how we’ve looked for most of our lives, not the way we look now that we’re pregnant.  It can be hard for the brain to reconcile the discrepancy between those two images during pregnancy.  Focus on the end result: a beautiful baby, an addition to your family, and your non-pregnant body back when it’s all said and done!

If you liked the 12 pregnancy truths, be sure to subscribe to Homemaker Barbi’s RSS feed and The Mom Crowd’s RSS feed for more articles about motherhood!

Photo courtesy of stock.exchange. 

Danelle “Barbi” Ice is a problogger and the founder/editor of HomemakerBarbi.com, an online Home & How-To magazine with free resources specializing in homemaking, parenting, frugal living, and family life.  If you liked this article, visit Homemaker Barbi!

Pregnancy is an exciting time of change and anticipation, and many of us expecting mamas start reading every pregnancy book, magazine and website available!  New moms want advice, knowledge, and the security of others’ experiences to know that what we’re feeling is normal, even if this isn’t your first baby.

There are plenty of things you may wonder about at some time during the 9 months, however, that you won’t read about in books. We’re giving it to you straight:  6 truths about pregnancy and motherhood that nobody tells you.

1.  You do not have to (and probably won’t) lose your baby weight immediately.  We’ve all heard the cliché: It took you 9 months to gain the weight, and you can’t lose it overnight.  This saying is a cliché because although we may not like it, these words are true!  It is not good to jump into hardcore exercise right after birth, especially if you did not maintain a high level of physical exertion during your pregnancy.  Take it easy and start slowly.

With the changes your body had just gone through in the birthing process, your top health priorities are rest, recovery, and adjustment.  Your blood volume will decrease, your organs will shift back into place, your body will learn how to be non-pregnant again. Be patient with your body and focus on your health and wellness, not your size and weight.

2.  Even celebrities cannot lose their pregnancy weight overnight.  Of course we see them on the magazine covers 6 weeks after birth looking Oscar-fabulous, but remember that their lifestyles (most times) do not mirror ours!  Our favorite stars might have nannies to help out, personal chefs to cook for them, and personal trainers to come exercise with them daily.  Even with this help, they still have to work hard at exercise and wait for their body to make its natural transitions at its own pace.

3.  Not every mother gets post partum depression (PPD).  Some women do, some women don’t, and not all of your pregnancies will be the same.  If you need help dealing with your feelings, talk to your doctor immediately.  However, if you don’t get PPD, just count your lucky stars! Always be understanding that other moms may be going through post-pregnancy feelings you didn’t, and that’s okay too.

4.  Not every mother enjoys pregnancy.  For some women, pregnancy is an incredibly taxing physical experience.  Some moms have excessive headaches or prominent morning sickness.  Pregnancy is hard work and a very difficult transition for your body and mind to make.  If you don’t enjoy being pregnant due to these or other circumstances, don’t feel guilty.  It’s okay if you don’t feel happy and glowing every day.  Just focus on the good aspects, do the best you can, and take care of your body and your baby!

5.  Sometimes it’s better to keep your baby name choices private.  When you and your partner have chosen names that you love and are ready to pass on to your children for their entire lives, it can be very disheartening to hear comments to the contrary.  It is not unheard of for friends, family members, or even complete strangers to ask if you’ve chosen names and then tell you why those names are bad!  It may defy common-sense, but I was told the name I chose for my son was weird, ugly, icky, old, hard to spell, bizarre, and that “I should come up with something better”.  And if that isn’t bad enough, it’s my husband’s middle name!  Sometimes, relatives and in-laws can even argue about which family names should be used.

Since name choices are personal and something you should be able to feel good about (without receiving any inappropriate or insensitive comments), it’s okay to keep these private between you and your spouse and children.  How do you politely decline to answer when someone asks if you’ve decided on names yet? Simply say, “We haven’t decided for sure yet. We still have plenty of time.”

6.  It’s okay to tell everyone you’re pregnant as soon as you find out!  Finding out that you’re expecting is exciting.  After all, that news changes your life forever and tells you that you’re about to experience an exciting 9 months as you and your spouse wait to meet the fruits of your love.  Talk about anticipation!  While some OB/GYNs and pregnancy books advise not to share the news until you’re out of the first trimester (due to the higher risk of miscarriage in the early months), you should do what feels right to you.

Be sure to come back tomorrow for the sequel, 6 MORE Truths about Pregnancy and Motherhood that Nobody Tells You!

Did you clean and organize a lot more than usual while you were waiting for your little one to come? According to Pregnancy Weekly nesting is  “an uncontrollable urge to clean one’s house brought on by a desire to prepare a nest for the new baby, to tie up loose ends of old projects and to organize your world.” I like this definition because it is not limited to just cleaning the house.

With my first baby the closest I came to nesting was labeling everything on my desk at work as I prepared to pass off my workload and washing some onesies. With my second I have had incredible urges to have projects tied up, The Mom Crowd taken care of (thanks Dawn!), the house scrubbed, and all necessary baby items cleaned and ready to go.

Mamashealth.com says that while doing household chores is normal, “when a woman is nesting, she will probably carry out the tasks more meticulously and persistently than usual.” Yesterday I cleaned and shined the toaster oven inside and out. Something I would never normally do! My husband helped me clean and I gave him clear instructions on how the toilets should be cleaned and how the playroom should be picked up. Thankfully he puts up with me and cleaned accordingly.

I have heard my friends say that they have tried to rearrange huge pieces of furniture by themselves and hyper-cleaned the house when they were pregnant. I am curious, have you done anything crazy while nesting? I would love to hear your nesting stories in the comments!

- photo courtesy of zippaparazzo!