The Mom Crowd

If you feel sad, depressed, or just not quite right after having a baby, trust me you are not alone. I experienced depression after both of my children were born. After Darah’s birth, I don’t think I experienced anything more than baby blues. I was having a hard time with her diagnosis, but surprisingly had my head on my shoulders! After Connor’s birth however, the depression I experienced was much more intense than after Darah’s birth. My postpartum depression after Connor’s birth came in the form of extreme anxiety and crying sessions. I eventually sought guidance from my doctor because I was having so much anxiety and was worrying about so many things!

At my six week check up, my doctor and I agreed that I should try an antidepressant. He started me on a medication which I took for about a month; I was not nursing anymore at this point. I didn’t like the side effects of the medication I was on, so I stopped and started researching other ways I could help myself. I talked about my emotions nonstop to my close friends and husband. I tried taking naps while my husband watched the baby, and discovered the therapeutic value of running. Once I sensed another crying session coming on, I would put on my headphones, running shoes and go. I got up to running three miles! Not bad for someone who has never liked running! After I was about three or four months postpartum, I started feeling more like my old self again and had better control over my anxiety and emotions.

The National Women’s Health Center has a great overview of postpartum depression describing signs, symptoms, and guidance for women experiencing depression within the first year after childbirth. There are three levels of postpartum depression. Baby blues are the most common and usually involve sadness and crying. Baby blues are usually very short, lasting no more than a week after delivery. Postpartum depression can begin at any time during the first year after delivery and is more intense than baby blues. Postpartum psychosis is another type of postpartum depression and is very rare. Postpartum psychosis involves hallucinations, obsessive thoughts, and rapid mood swings which need the immediate attention from a physician.

If you are experiencing depression after your baby is born, it is very important that you discuss this with your doctor or midwife. Your doctor or midwife will be able to give you the specific help and support that you need.

Here are some other helpful tips from The National Women’s Health Information Center:

• Try to get as much rest as you can. Try to nap when the baby naps.
• Stop putting pressure on yourself to do everything. Do as much as you can and leave the rest!
• Ask for help with household chores and nighttime feedings. Ask your husband or partner to bring the baby to you so you can breastfeed. If you can, have a friend, family member, or professional support person help you in the home for part of the day.
• Talk to your husband, partner, family, and friends about how you are feeling.
  Do not spend a lot of time alone. Get dressed and leave the house. Run an errand or take a short walk.
• Spend time alone with your husband or partner.
• Talk with other mothers, so you can learn from their experiences.
• Join a support group for women with depression. Call a local hotline or look in your telephone book for information and services.
• Don’t make any major life changes during pregnancy. Major changes can cause unneeded stress. Sometimes big changes cannot be avoided. When that happens, try to arrange support and help in your new situation ahead of time.

Did you experience any level of depression after your baby was born? What helped you overcome your depression?

Check out the super-cute photos of The Mom Crowd kids in our Pumpkins and Munchkins Photo Gallery.

A big thank you to everyone who submitted a photo. I love seeing all the costumes and Halloween wear! I know I had a lot of fun with Lindsay and Joshua at the pumpkin patch today.

It is not too late add your little one. Email us your photo at pictures [at] themomcrowd.com.

It’s still not too late to email us your pumpkin patch photos! We will be posting our collection of pumpkins and munchkins tomorrow. Email your photos to pictures [at] themomcrowd.com.

I have been so excited to see pumpkin patches set up as I drive around town. It’s always a great photo opportunity and we’d love for you to share your cutest pumpkin patch photos of your kids.

Please submit your pictures by Thursday evening by emailing the photo in a jpeg format to pictures [at] themomcrowd.com. We will be posting the cute pumpkin patch photos next Friday for your drooling pleasure!

Sometimes people talk just to talk. I’m one of those people. If I don’t know what to say, I usually say the wrong thing and make myself look like a complete buffoon in the process. Even when my intentions are completely pure, I sometimes say things to others that cause them more hurt and pain. When my daughter was about a year and a half old, my husband and I became pregnant with our second child. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and it was truly the hardest thing I have ever gone through. It was harder than finding out Darah had Down syndrome (which has it’s own list of things not to say) and her open heart surgery. I will share the details of my miscarriage with you on another day. For now, here’s some of the real life comments people told me in an attempt to ease my pain. While every comment was made with the best intentions, they didn’t help me and made me feel worse.

10. “I know what you’re feeling.”
Even if you’ve had a miscarriage, you really don’t know exactly how this person is feeling. Every person’s situation is different and everybody grieves in different ways.

9. “Take comfort that your baby is now an angel in Heaven. He or she got to skip the hardships of this world.”
When I had my miscarriage, I was so angry. I didn’t want my baby in “a better place.” I wanted him or her in my womb and I felt like my baby was taken from me.

8. “At least you have Darah. Some women can’t have any children.”
You’re right. However, I wanted this second child as much as I wanted my first. That baby was part of me for a short time and I was already in love.

7. “You can always try again.”
Every mother who has had a miscarriage knows they can try again. However, while a person is grieving a loss, they’re not always ready to look to the future. This is like telling a widow, “you can always remarry.” It doesn’t help.

6. “At least you were only in your first trimester.”
When someone told me this, it made me even more angry. I was gearing up to find out the sex and pick out bedding. I felt like they were saying my pregnancy wasn’t legitimate.

5. “Let me tell you all about the miscarriages my sister-in-law had and let me tell you about her beautiful, healthy child she has now.”
Miscarriages are incredibly common and everyone has either had one themselves or knows someone who has. When I was grieving my loss, I didn’t care about any losses anyone else had. Every story I heard made me compare my situation to theirs and because of major self-pity, my story was always worse!

4. “Maybe that baby had something wrong with him or her and it’s for the best.”
I had already had a child born with Down syndrome. When someone told me this, it exaggerated the fact that I already had a child with health issues and then made me think that they thought my daughter wasn’t worth life.

3. “Did you take any medications or do anything you shouldn’t have done?”
I already felt guilty because of my incredibly high stress levels and for drinking diet coke occasionally during my pregnancy. This magnified all of the guilt I was already carrying.

2. “Have you ever thought of adopting?”
I was so embarrassed after my miscarriage. I felt like everyone who knew me thought there was something wrong with me. When I found out I was pregnant with this child, I was so excited to have a “normal” pregnancy and experience what everyone around me experienced with their uneventful (in my opinion) pregnancies. I was robbed of that because of my miscarriage and the adoption option made me feel like I failed.

And the number one thing to not tell someone who just had a miscarriage……..

1. “I’M PREGNANT!!!!!!”
Even though I was incredibly happy for my friends around me who were pregnant at the time, I didn’t want to talk about their pregnancies with them right after my miscarriage. I wasn’t ready. If you are getting ready to announce your pregnancy, I think it’s a good idea to tell your friend in an email so they can react the way the want to without having to fake a smile. Don’t elaborate in the email about how you were afraid to tell them, just tell simply tell them you’re pregnant. Allow your friend to bring up the topic in conversation when she’s ready.

What you can say…
“I’m sorry.” “How can I help?” “I’m here for you.”

What were some unhelpful comments people told you when you were grieving the loss of an unborn child? What were some helpful things people said or did while you were grieving?